Reading Reviews for Detox
321 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Pixileanin Clarity

3rd January 2015:
Happy New Year, Dan! Resolution #1: continue reviewing this story. Onwards!

Just because all is quiet on the outside, doesnt mean its the same on the inside. Good observation skills, Draco. And its a good way to build Dracos tension. Hes not about to let his guard down now.

She might have been mad, but she was seldom wrong when it came to hurting people.

Argh. So cold and calculated, but I cant fault Draco for his actions here. Hes lived around dangerous people for a long time, and I think that finally, his experiences are going to be what keeps him alive in this situation. Although, if youve been climbing into Bellatrixs head and having tea, you might require a little detox session of your own one day worried, Dan. As a concerned friend...

Remembering your comments, I think you made the right decision to keep Draco focused on Astoria in chapter 13, because it flows on to here, where he has made her his single-minded goal. If you had showed him any other way before, his purpose-driven actions may have seemed a bit out of place. After the setup from the previous section, his thoughts and actions here are more than justified. Its the whole reason why hes driven, so it works really well.

Ahh, Avery is a surprise! I love the descriptions, dangerously unstable and volatile brutish nature. I almost cheered when he blasted Gamp across the room, except that with this kind of guy, you cant take anything he says or does for kindness.

Hed be expecting Draco to deny that the object existed and, since it actually did not exist, Draco couldnt see a better alternative.

I think this best describes exactly how dangerous this game is. Telling more lies isnt going to help, and will probably hurt much worse if hes found out.

Youve made Avery out to truly be insane. I can only imagine what everyone else is thinking while he goes about making things personal with Draco. And the way you portray him, I dont even think that dueling to the death is personal, its just something that he does, maybe even something that he enjoys doing. I almost thought he was being a little too perceptive when he caught Draco and Astoria exchanging glances, but then again, if hes made a life out of hurting people, hed be looking for an advantage like that to use against his opponent. And hes been smart enough to stay alive all this time too, so bad on me for underestimating his comprehension.

One of the things that I have a difficult time with in fight scenes is all the names of all those spells? In the heat of battle, I cant imagine having to double-think through my next move, AND remember what everything is called. It all seems so complicated in my head. I would be a very bad Auror indeed. I love how you described the furniture volleys across the room, and the actions, and resulting reactions, and the blasting. Blasting. Id think of that. Beyond the explosions, Id have been completely lost.

Oh no! Not Imperio! That man is insane! How long are the rest of them going to stand around and

Okay. Never mind. And who is this new person whos just arrived??

I would be remiss if I didn't comment on how brilliantly you were able to include Draco's emotions into the action. His anger management has been a constant theme throughout this story. You've shown how he draws strength from his fury when it gets out of control. Here, and in a few scenes preceding this, you've given him that strength, coupled with a focus, which brings him that much closer to control. He's fighting with a singular focus, and all is not lost as long as he has a hope of defending Astoria.

And poor Astoria, waking out of her daze to see her love standing over her with a kni... wand. I really like how you show Draco breaking through the Imperio curse as Avery becomes more and more distracted, and that we get to see it through Astoria's perception. She doesn't understand everything that's happening around her, but the imminent danger that she's in is not lost on her. And she's very aware of Draco's struggle to break free. It seems that they're both of the same mind here. If they could just sneak out the back when no one is looking and run like the wind...

Author's Response: Hi, pix! Happy New Year! I'm flattered that I figured into your resolutions.

Draco is pretty world-weary by this point in his life. One could argue he's also wiser than he used to be, although the wisest course of action probably wasn't charging into the Greengrass home by himself. Is it a good thing or a bad thing that he learned from his Aunt Bellatrix? I guess if it keeps him alive, it can't be all bad. Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I enjoy getting inside Bella's twisted head? This is left as an exercise for the reader. ;)

I'm glad you felt the continuity between Draco's thoughts and actions in the last chapter and this chapter. I really needed him to be believable here or the scenes just don't work.

As I'm sure you realize, an awful lot of how I envision Avery is based off of the way he appears in Until We Close Our Eyes. He's beyond just being fanatical. He's genuinely mentally ill. In some ways, he's higher-functioning than Bellatrix, in other ways he's even more dangerous. Dueling to the death isn't just something he does, he genuinely enjoys it. He enjoys all of the power games that come with life-or-death struggles and he's good at them.

Who is the new arrival? You will soon find out. ;)

There's nothing inherently wrong with being angry, it's all in how you manage it. I'm glad that you could see that progress in Draco. The way he marshals his temper here is a big difference compared to chapter 4, when he loses it and gets cursed by Hermione for his trouble.

Part of me does wish that I could just let them sneak out somehow and let Mr. Greengrass and Daphne deal with Gamp and Avery. They all deserve one another. But that wouldn't make a very good story. I hope you like the big finale in the next chapter.

Thanks so much!

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Review #27, by mymischiefmanaged Making Choices

2nd January 2015:
Hi Dan! Here for our swap. I know this story has a lot of reviews already so I hope it's okay I chose to review this one, I'm just enjoying it so much I was hesitant to go for something else instead.

The glimpse of Harry and Ginny at the beginning was lovely, and I like how you used it to highlight the differences between their upbringing and Astoria's. Her jealousy and recognition that it would seem improper for her to behave in that way gives an interesting contrast to what we usually see of wizarding society through Harry's eyes, and it was a clever way to show a bit of Harry's life without detracting from Draco and Astoria's story.

Ron comes across very badly. I was going to review saying that it almost seems out of character, but then I thought back to some of the things Malfoy's said about Ron in the past and it makes sense that he'd respond in this way. I'm glad Hermione came to his defence, though. It fits in with her general character, trying to look at things pragmatically rather than letting her emotions make her act rashly. It's very good canon writing of your characters. I'm impressed.

And then Malfoy blows it by calling her a mudblood. Aghh I was so disappointed in him but I'm glad you did it. It keeps him in character, and I think even the war wouldn't change a person that quickly. He has a lifetime of ingrained prejudice to overcome.

I like Astoria coming to Malfoy's defence even though she doesn't have the magical ability to really help. We're seeing her coming to terms with what's going on, and making her own decisions about who to trust, and I think this scene demonstrates that brilliantly. She's got a strong sense of right and wrong. And you keep them realistic. When it comes to it, neither of them are powerful enough to fight back properly, which makes sense because they are still just teenagers, but Malfoy's apparating Astoria away shows that he's starting to care which is sweet.

Lovely lovely chapter, Dan. Thanks for the swap!

Emma xx

Author's Response: Hi, Emma! I kind of enjoy watching a reader make their way through a longer story, so please feel free to keep going with this one if we're able to swap again.

I loved being able to work that small Harry/Ginny moment into the story. It does give Astoria something to think about. Just because the proper purebloods don't publicly show passion doesn't mean that they don't want to feel it privately.

Ron does come off like a jerk in this chapter. I don't think it was really avoidable because we're seeing him through Draco's eyes. There's so much history between those two that any confrontation is bound to end badly, especially now that Ron is full of newfound confidence. Hermione tries her best to deescalate the situation, but Draco's emotions are too far gone by that point. He makes a poor choice, immediately regrets it, then regrets it a whole lot more when Hermione blasts him off of his feet. I'm glad you felt like that was consistent with his character.

Astoria comes to Draco's defense with all the best of intentions, but she quickly finds herself in over her head. They work very well together, though. And you're right, neither of them was powerful enough to win a duel with the threesome that attacked Draco.

I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Until next time...

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Review #28, by Alex Epilogue

23rd December 2014:
Wow that was really really really good!! The best compliment I can give you is that Draco felt just right. Most fics about Draco after the war either on this site or others are far far away from the original character that J.K Rowling developed. You made it feel right. Normally I don't read Draco Malfoy stories, because the character is mostly just wrong and that unnerves me. Thank you for a realistic Draco story and thank you that you're other stories gave me the trust in you as an author to read this great story.

Author's Response: Hi, there!

That's high praise, and I appreciate it. I tried really hard to keep Draco true to his book characterization in this. He was such a disposable character in the first five books, basically just a punching bag for the Trio who occasionally punched back. Then he started to become interesting in HBP. And the character really rounded out in DH when he wouldn't identify Harry for Bellatrix. As much as I could, I wanted to capture that very conflicted young man who was playing host to a constant battle between what he was raised to believe and what he wanted to become.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #29, by mymischiefmanaged Regrets

20th December 2014:
Hi Dan!

So, I completely forgot that I promised to review your chapters age and ages ago, and got caught up and read the whole thing at once and didn't stop to review. So anyway, I remembered, and here I am. I'll try to slowly catch up :)

This is actually one of my favourite chapters of the whole novel. I love McGonagall's interaction with Malfoy. It's extremely cold, almost so much as to be out of character (but not quite), and shows a side to McGonagall that we don't ever see through Harry's eyes but which is completely believable and compelling. She's efficient and has no patience for people that have hurt others, and her treatment of Malfoy fits in with this. Although reading 'Detox' we can see that Malfoy actually deserves better treatment, I do think the McGonagall we know from canon might behave like this given the circumstances.

And then I just love Isadore. She's a reminder that despite the suffering they've all endured they are still just teenagers, and her friendly chattiness is a real breath of fresh air in the middle of all the angst. I can see how she's the kind of friend Astoria needs, and I like her a lot. She lightens the tone without being silly, and is a wonderful addition to the story.

The behaviour of the other students is sad but also expected, and I loved Luna's defence of Malfoy. It's very in character with what we see of Luna in JK's writing, and shows the sheer love she's able to feel even after all she's been through. Of all of them there, Luna has the most reason to be antagonistic towards Draco specifically, but I love that you kept her calm and moral. Likewise, I'm glad Hermione and Ginny didn't let Malfoy get to them. They're all growing up, and you develop their characters wonderfully.

Finally, Astoria's message gives us a little more insight into who she is. It's a flash of rebellion, I think stoked more than a little by Isadore, and it's just what Malfoy needs after that class. You add in these details and they make it so much clearer how the two of them end up together.

Really fantastic chapter, Dan. And a really fantastic novel. Sorry for not reviewing for so long!

Lots of love,

Emma x

Author's Response: Hi, Emma! And happy holidays!

No worries. I'm really looking forward to your next chapter!

McGonagall's reaction seemed like the only logical one to me. She's less than 1 year removed from a devastating war and less than 2 years removed from the death of her friend and mentor. I'm sure she hasn't forgotten the fact that Draco allowed the Death Eaters into the castle through the Vanishing Cabinet. Beyond all of that, she's overseeing a very fragile recovery at Hogwarts. Having Draco back inside the castle would be an unwelcome reminder for a lot of the other students. Lastly, I'm sure she feels like the Malfoys are trying to use their money to slither back into society just like they did after the first war. The fact that Draco might want something different in life isn't really at the forefront of her mind at this point.

I would have to go back and check, but I think you're the first reviewer who actually likes Isadore. Most people seem to find her rather annoying. She does help to remind us of just how young Astoria is, but you'll see some other sides of her later in the story. In my mind, Isadore is "that friend" that we all have or had who means well but is also chock full of questionable ideas.

You won't see me try to write Luna very often. I find her really intimidating because she's hard to figure out. Even here, I won't claim to fully understand everything that's going on inside her head. I'm really pleased that she sounded right to you, though.

Astoria's message is partly an act of rebellion and partly her way of trying to figure out the puzzle that Draco presents to her. Is he really the awful person her father describes or is he the lost soul she found in Diagon Alley?

I'm really glad that you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #30, by Pixileanin A Break with the Past

16th December 2014:
"What are you doing here, Flint?"

Bleeding all over the panelling and messing up Narcissa's perfectly logical plan to put Draco back on steady feet. That's what he's doing! Nasty, nasty of you. Just when things were going to be so easy... Oh. Never mind. It can't be easy, or it'd be over already.

I love the word you pulled out for the Muggle weapon, "flintlock". It fits so well, and rolls off the tongue so nicely.

Draco's trying to draw information out of the crazy people while Nott's bleeding out, and it could have been funny, except there's a lot at stake here. I can feel Draco's anger simmering in the background. He's got a *plan*, and these people are going to muck it up for him. Again. Grumble grumble. But here, he seems to have a better handle on his anger. Good on you, Draco!

Narcissa is great here. I love the strength and the sheer intimidation factor you give her. She's obviously allowing Draco to make his own way. How she steps in and assists, it's like she's using everything she has to support Draco's decision without wrapping up her ego in the situation. Draco has a lot to learn from her. It's an impressive maneuver.

Oh, man. Goyle is thick. Which makes him hilarious. And dangerous, if he's with Gamp. All the posturing must be exhausting, on both ends. Gamp might be insane, but he's got brains too. what a terrible combination! And oooh! Lucius wakes up from his nap just in time to instill terror on the guests. Perfect!

"There was no way to be sure that the old man even knew what year it was. But Gamp and the others didn't know that."

And well they shouldn't. Your fight scenes always come alive and whirl around the page like a cyclone. All the details get messed around. Even the poor house elf had to run for cover, a tiny detail that I just love! I don't think anyone was paying attention to Lucius' words, there were so many blasts of light flying around the room. And finally, Draco's anger works for him in this instance, when Gamp is stupid enough to threaten his mother.

Uh oh. Lucius just couldn't stop talking, and then someone *heard* him. I guess it was just as well. He was quickly losing steam and wasn't going to be useful in the fight for much longer. From the last chapter, I figured that Lucius wouldn't be around much for the rest of the story, but I'm so glad you allowed him to have a last hurrah of sorts. He used to be so formidable in Draco's eyes, so powerful and uncrossable, and now, being just a shadow of himself, it must be hard. Fighters like to go down fighting. And poor Draco, doing the "my life is flashing before my eyes, but at least Astoria will have a better future"... I know that this story comes before your other story, so I doubt that will happen, but still. You gave him a very, very close call, and if he pulls out of this, he will have much to reflect on.

Okay, so I'm no longer worried about the floor. Narcissa unleashed some powerful stuff from that locket, and just in time. I loved the little aside about how things might have gone wrong if Bellatrix had gotten a hold of that locket. Wise man, this relative of theirs. Whew. If that wasn't edge-of-your-seat writing, I don't know what it was. You did a superb job with the fight scene. I have no idea what you were worried about. :)

Ugh, and Daphne! I am SO glad that Astoria has more than a thimble full of sense and is so much more aware of the world than her older sister. That door chime might have saved her from an uncomfortable moment with her sister, but I'm sure it's no one good.

Another fantastic chapter, Dan!

Author's Response: Nott and his bleeding. So inconsiderate! You're correct, if I wanted this story to be easy, it would have been a one-shot.

I struggled a lot to figure out what an aristocratic pureblood wizard from an old, muggle-hating family would call a gun. I wasn't perfectly happy with it because flintlock and Flint are too much alike, but it's the best I could do.

Draco can't ever stop being himself. He's a Slytherin, he always has a plan (scheme) and he's always tweaking and refining it in real time.

I really loved Narcissa in this chapter. I thought it was her shining moment in the story, except maybe for the conversation she has with Astoria at Gringotts. Draco could always learn more from her.

Goyle was my one small bit of comic relief in a chapter that was stiflingly tense.

I actually had a lot of fun writing Lucius. He's sort of the epitome of the stopped clock that's right twice a day in this chapter. Without really knowing what he's doing, he manages to play a pivotal role in keeping his family alive.

I nearly made some major changes to this chapter because I felt like Draco was getting too noble with his thoughts about Astoria being safe. I think I'm happy with how it ultimately turned out, but I'm also a relentless tinkerer. That means I'm never completely happy no matter what, I guess.

Narcissa's locket was a small thing that actually survived from my very first plot sketch of this story all the way through to the finished product. There aren't many things after chapter 5 that you can say that about. I was completely in love with the idea.

I think Astoria would agree with you that it was *almost* better to confront a group of murderous dark wizards than to listen to Daphne go on about the details of her love life. Not quite, but almost.

Whee, this is fun! Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews!

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Review #31, by Pixileanin Climbing Back

13th December 2014:
It should probably go without saying that the life of a traditional high society pureblood woman does not appeal to me. Regardless, I am unfathomably happy that not only has Astoria's mother defended her in some way, but that the girl had the opportunity to overhear her do so. I think that made the scene all the more powerful, that, in the middle of her wallowing and misery, we got to hear the conversation between her parents and the effect it had on Astoria. Light. Tunnel. Hopefully not another train.

One of the things I admire about your storytelling is that you tend to follow up and show us the direct, and sometimes indirect consequences of the characters' actions. You've shown us Mr. Greengrass' attitude towards Draco's family. You've given us a clear picture of how even McGonagall had to struggle with her personal opinions of him when he returned to school. And now, because of his unforunate, yet unique and valuable experiences with the inner circle of the Dark Lord, the persistent, academic in Blishwick just pushes him farther than he's prepared to go. She even goes so far as to guilt him into proceeding with the experiment. Draco is trying so hard to put everything from the war behind him, and here, this woman, who probably thinks she's doing the world a great favor, is forcing him to relive his experience so that she can... disect an abused doxy? Wow. It's a good thing Draco has such excellent wand control, or he might have cursed the wrong target in the room. I was terrified that he might actually do it, too.

Ahh, he can't even escape his own family either. Such timing for a talk with his estranged father. They don't seem to want to do it, except that Narcissa wants them to, which in this case, clears up a whole lot for Draco, again, unpleasantly. Lucius' degrading state definitely takes him out of the running for the man responsible for the new uprising. But if not him, then who?? I love how this revelation puts Draco's mind spinning, not just about what his friends have been up to, but also his personal plans for his future. Making him realize that his father, as much as he thought he despised him, might not be around for much longer, and also that Draco would miss the old coot, really puts a heartening twist on his character. He doesn't want to, but he cares. That makes me want to care about what happens to him too. So humanizing, that moment.

I think Narcissa talks more sense than any of Draco's other contemporaries, even if they're all put in a room together to sort it out... which seems like another Bad Idea... but perhaps an entertaining one.

Except that they show up in the wrong house, and Nott has the audacity to bleed all over everything. Oh, Dan! Think of the stains! Actually, it's great timing for the story. Excellently placed cliffhanger to pull us into the next chapter, and it complicates the neat little solution that Narcissa and Draco just planned out.

Author's Response: Hi, pix!

Astoria's mother was a fun character to try to figure out when I was writing this chapter. I didn't want to change what she is -- a very proper pureblood lady with a romantic streak -- so I had to be very careful. She would never overtly tell her husband that he's wrong, instead she finds very subtle, cunning ways to make him rethink his opinions. Don't fear the light. In my stories, the train always sneaks up behind you. ;)

You didn't think Madam Blishwick was going quietly onto the dust heap of single-purpose characters, did you? Oh, no, she's much more useful. She's one more reminder that even people with the best of intentions -- in her own, bizarre way, her intentions are for the greater good -- are unable to let Draco move on. I think the target that Draco winds up cursing had as much to do with luck as it did with his wand control. That could have ended very badly.

In general, people always want to have Very Important Talks at the worst possible time. The Malfoys are no exception. Narcissa is the one who forces the issue; Lucius and Draco could have gone on for quite a while without speaking to one another. Poor old Lucius isn't faring well. So you're right, he's not the one who's been conspiring with Gamp, Flint and the others. Who? Well, you'll find out very soon. ;) When Draco realizes that his father's days could be numbered, it does force him to take a sobering look at his own situation. You're right: no matter now much he wants to not care, he does.

I believe that house elves have many secret tips for removing blood stains from marble. I hope they do, anyway. Otherwise, somebody will be ironing his hands later.

I was excited to see what you thought of the next chapter, and then you went and reviewed it right away! Awesome. Thanks so much!

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Review #32, by Pixileanin Errors in Judgment

7th December 2014:
Okay, I'm not even going to start with how long I've taken to return to this story. Bad, bad me. Was there a review around here somewhere? Oh, look. There it is!

"If you bullocks this up, there'll be hell to pay, Malfoy. I'm supposed to be meeting my future wife today."

Oh, the irony. Yes, and yes, and it all twists back around to Draco instead of this horrid bloke, which by the way, the moldy sock/cheap cologne combo turned my stomach. Ergh! I can't even imagine drinking that stuff. I was going to say how much of a piece of work Emery was, but when I thought about it, that would be the exact opposite. That boy hasn't had any work done to him whatsoever, and it shows in everything about him, from the mustard stains to the unwashed hair, and the "whatever" he'll be getting up to... I don't even want to know.

I love how you've kept Draco to who he was in your earlier stories, still reciting things in his mind to keep himself in check. I agree with him entirely that his quandary isn't quite what he expected. Telling Astoria was a bad idea. Not telling Astoria that he was attending, and now here wasn't getting him what he wanted either. And oh no! Nott's been clued in, as well as being completely off his broom about this new plan. Apparently, so have a lot of other people. Once Astoria told Draco that people were talking, I knew things would end badly.

Ok, so that whole next part was extremely painful to read. You captured young desperation at its most intense, and gave Astoria an argument that is both real and ridiculous all at the same time. She doesn't know the serious issue at stake because Draco is too busy trying to protect her, so she can't possibly understand. Frustrating and emotional, and perfect for this story. It was like a train wreck. Gripping and messy. I couldn't look away, and I was so glad when it was over.

Unfortunately, Astoria has to live with her actions and the consequences of her outburst, and quite possibly the realization that she has lost everything that means anything to her. I love the way you made her try so hard to be angry enough not to care, but fail miserably. I'm not sure her family could have made things any better even if they did force the door open and attempt to console her. At least Draco got to unleash his anger on someone else's property, someone else's father (was he envisioning someone else's face when he blasted Mr. Montague?) and console himself with the fact that he's not only made a mess of his own life, but also create extreme difficulty for Emery. Somehow, that even makes me feel a bit lighter.

Awesome prose here, my friend. Dreams have been crushed, and doom has blossomed on the horizon.

Author's Response: pix! What's shaking? How's trix? Oh, wait, I know the answers already. Anyhow, this was an awesome surprise!

Emery lives in a world of old-money pureblood privilege, perpetual adolescence and deep, deep denial. You are correct on both fronts: he would taste absolutely terrible in polyjuice form and you really *don't* want to know what he'll be getting up to. Completely unrelated side note: do you ever get a quirky, momentary desire to write stories for a no-holds-barred site, where you could inflict those sort of mental scars on people?

Draco is in quite a predicament. He thought his plan though -- he's too Slytherin not to -- but there were some flawed assumptions underlying it. Chief among those was the assumption that Zabini would keep his mouth shut. Very bad assumption, indeed.

I spent a lot of time editing this chapter before it went to beta and a lot more time editing it to incorporate sophie's suggestions on Astoria's though process and reactions. I'm really glad that the effort yielded a good result. Astoria and Draco each have so many incorrect assumptions about what's motivating the other, but they're too young and stubborn and they don't quite have the emotional vocabulary to talk it out. "Gripping and messy. I couldn't look away, and I was so glad when it was over." Yep, I felt the same way writing it.

The emotional aftermath was another part of this chapter that went through a few revisions to tweak the tone. Both of them make a transition from shock to despondency to anger and finally just to numbness. It was fun to let Draco unleash his aggression on Mr. Montague. I don't know that he was thinking of anyone else at the moment so much as he was generally angry. And, yes, Emery has some very unpleasant times ahead. Which, I think we can all agree, he richly deserves.

Dreams have been crushed, but better things will arise from the ashes. Have faith, my friend!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Until next time.

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Review #33, by nott theodore Making Choices

22nd November 2014:
Hi, Dan!

It's been so long since I read any of this story but I hope you don't mind me choosing the next chapter of this for our swap, because I've been wanting to find out what happened next to Draco and Astoria!

This was a really great chapter! I liked the way that you opened it, almost abstractly, as Astoria watched a scene that she wasn't a part of, and wasn't anywhere near being a part of something like that. It was really interesting to see Harry and Ginny behaving like that, just so happy to be together - I suspect that a lot of that is because of the fact that they were under so much stress the first time, now they feel like they can just be free. I liked the way that Astoria felt a little jealous when she watched the scene, too, as if that was something that she was hoping to have some day. It was a big contrast to see Harry and Ginny and then Astoria, going to meet Draco, not really knowing what the two of them were to each other, or if there even was anything between them. I thought that was really effective.

The descriptions, again, were really lovely in this chapter. I could see such clear images of the different characters in my mind, and in that opening scene the snow covering Hogsmeade just felt so like a scene that I imagine from the books, or could see in the films, and that was lovely.

Of course, things had to go wrong. Nothing could just be as simple as the two of them meeting in a public place on a day when everyone else is doing the same.

Ron was such an idiot here, I wanted to shout at him. It's definitely not out of character for him to decide to make trouble for Malfoy, just because he can - I get the feeling that at this point, Ron would probably feel quite indestructible, and the temptation of going after Draco and getting one up on the boy that had bullied him and his friends throughout school was too much for him. Not that that makes it right or acceptable, of course. But it's in character that Ron would try and pick a fight and use his status to get away with it.

I was proud of Draco though, for trying to turn away and avoid the fight and the confrontation. That shows a lot more maturity than he started this story with, and there's already been character development here, which is great, only four chapters in. I do feel like he tried his best to avoid the confrontation though, and didn't want to make a scene. But I can't exactly blame him for having retaliated when Ron started beating him up, because nobody would just take that if they had another option.

The descriptions of the crowd gathered around Draco and Ron, just watching and not doing anything except trying to help Ron along, were really horrible. (The fact that it was happening, not the descriptions themselves!) I can imagine that after the war there'd still be a lot of tension, a lot of people at Hogwarts who resented the fact that former Death Eaters had been let back into school with them and people who'd lost loved ones in the war. I think you capture the sort of tension there very well.

The scene when Hermione came to Draco's rescue reminded me a little of the James/Snape/Lily scene that happened in their fifth year, which we see in the books. I'm not sure if that was your way of ending any hope people might have for a Dramione from this story, but I appreciated it :P I can imagine Hermione trying to help when she sees that Ron's being an idiot - and that she'd make sure Ron knew about it too - but after all she went through in the war, I doubt she's likely to take kindly to Draco calling her a Mudblood.

Astoria was right - he did deserve what he got from Hermione, although he hadn't provoked the initial fight with Ron, and I can understand why his wounded pride would prompt him into doing something like that. But I also really liked the fact that Astoria was watching from afar, not wanting to get involved and let Draco know that she'd seen everything that was going on. She's really sensitive to his moods and very perceptive - plus I can't imagine many people siding against the 'Golden Trio' after the war is over, to help a former Death Eater.

I am glad that she did step in afterwards, though. Draco was very brave to try and defend himself and fight, but it was hardly fair that three of them came after him when he'd already been through a fight with somebody else. I can imagine this happening though - people seeing the opportunity to take revenge and using it. There would still be so much bitterness, and even though official policy was to reconcile, I can imagine that wouldn't sit very well with a lot of people.

I'm really intrigued about who those people were, trying to kill Draco - why? What did he do to them? And to be honest, they're just as bad as Death Eaters themselves if they're willing to kill someone in the middle of a street, and then kill a girl they don't even know as well, just because she's there and trying to help defend Draco in an unfair fight.

The action towards the end was really well written, too, and very tense! I could hardly believe it when those words escaped from their lips, and I'm pretty sure that Draco managed to get the two of them away and neither were killed (since we're going with canon here), but it was very dramatic and an intriguing ending to the chapter!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi, Sian!

No problem at all. I can never really remember who's at what point in my longer stories. I'm always just happy to be reminded.

For the opening of the chapter, I wanted something that would plant seeds of internal conflict with Astoria. Her upbringing is so proper that she can't possibly approve of what Ginny and Harry are doing, but she can't deny that she'd like to feel the same passion that the two of them feel. I think it puts her in the right mindset for what happens next.

I'm really glad you liked the descriptions. I try very hard to set a scene in my chapters that the reader can sink into and hopefully lose themselves for a bit.

Yep, things go very wrong for Draco and Astoria. I think it would be a pretty boring story if they didn't. It starts with Ron and escalates from there. Ron is, as you've surmised, mostly just being a jerk because he can. It isn't that he doesn't suspect Draco of wrongdoing -- he does -- it's just that those suspicions come down to nothing more than, "it's Malfoy, he must be up to something." For his part, Draco actually does his best to avoid the conflict. Some days, you just can't win for losing.

I hadn't really thought of Hermione/Ron/Draco in terms of Lily/James/Snape, but I can definitely see what you're getting at. Hermione tries to do the right thing, and Draco takes it the wrong way entirely. He pays the price for his lack of thoughtfulness. Astoria's right, he definitely had that one coming. I'm glad you picked up on the way that she tries to allow him to collect himself and regain a measure of dignity before she approaches him. She and Draco are from the same world. She understands how important dignity is to a pureblood scion like Draco. In some ways, even at this early juncture of the story, she understands him better than he understands himself.

You'll find out in the next chapter why those people were trying to kill Draco. It's actually a pivotal part of the first "breakthrough" that Draco makes in opening up to Astoria and trusting her. I really hope you enjoy it!

Thanks so much for the swap! I really enjoyed reading your work and also your review!

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Review #34, by DancingMooncalf Epilogue

4th October 2014:
Sorry that i waited till the very last chapter to leave a review, but i was simply too busy reading!
This was a very powerful and beautiful story with a lot of raw emotions that constantly kept me on my toes.
I loved every minute of it! I really did!
There character where very realistic and their development is great. I admire how you captured Draco's traumatised state of mind so well and how you made him deal with it all. I always wondered how he must have been after the whole ordeal witj the war was over and i think you did a womderful job in giving me an idea.
Thank you very much for such an exellent read!!

Author's Response: Hi! That's quite alright, I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. :)

More than anything, I wanted to capture the ugly reality of characters who had just survived a war. I don't really like post-war stories where everything turns to rainbows and kittens the minute Voldemort dies. The only way to do justice to these wonderfully complex characters, I think, is to allow then to struggle with their emotions and follow them through the healing process.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #35, by mymischiefmanaged Getting Clean

17th September 2014:
Hi Dan, I've been looking forward to reading this chapter and it's everything I hoped it would be.

First, that whole image of the chandelier made of corpses...gahh it's horrible but exactly right for the nightmare you want to convey. You always get just the right balance when you write about terrible things, only using as much as you need to to make your point. And the nightmare shows us a lot about Draco, both about the things he's been forced to witness and about where his loyalty really lies.

Narcissa's support of Draco is very moving. I loved the line about focussing on Draco moving on before focussing on Lucius. I think the way you've written Narcissa feels very true to what we see of her through Harry's eyes. She's a woman who's been through more than she should have had to go through and unlike Lucius and Draco, who in JK's books seemed to focus primarily on self preservation, Narcissa understands that there are things more important than her own well being.

Astoria was lovely again, and the reminder that she's still at school was a helpful one. I'd forgotten, but of course she's still not finished with Hogwarts.

I'm unsure what to make of Horatio. You've explored some really interesting themes through his character. When he first started talking about his dislike for the Malfoys I found myself agreeing with him, and also thought he made some interesting points. Voldemort certainly wouldn't have wanted to think he only rose to power because of the status of his supporters, but it's definitely true. In some ways (but not many ways) Lucius and the Lestranges and co are more culpable than Voldemort himself. It's a very interesting exploration of pure bloods and inequality in wizarding society.

And then Horatio started criticising mudbloods and muggle borns and I lost my sympathy for what he was saying. He doesn't seem to have any particularly moral problems with what Voldemort did, he just doesn't like how it turned out for his family, which is very unlikable. He may be a good father but he definitely has his flaws.

It was good to see Zabini, although the things he was saying are a bit worrying. You did a very good job of showing how difficult it is to stand up to a friend, and Malfoy's disagreement with Zabini was very interestingly explored. I liked the way Malfoy didn't criticise Zabini's ideas but made it clear that he wanted no part in them. It shows significant character development.

The duel (does it count as a duel?) was another example of the leftover effects of the war. It's sad that things like that would happen but it's hard to see how they could not after people have suffered so much.

Although by the sounds of it this guy potentially didn't suffer very much. He seems to regret the fact he didn't do his bit during the war, and is trying to change that now when there's nothing to change. It's not a very admirable mindset but in a lot of ways is understandable. I think a lot of people would share his views. It would be hard not to feel survivor's guilt after realising how much other people (i.e. the Weasleys etc) had been through.

I'm loving this story, maybe even more than I liked Tales of the Death Eaters. I'll definitely be back for chapter three :)

Emma xx

Author's Response: Hi, Emma!

Whew. I'm glad Draco's nightmare came across so vividly for you. That scene was hard to write because I wanted to create the right image, but I also wanted to keep it very spartan and dark, focusing as much on Draco's reactions as on what he's seeing. So anyway, whew!

Over the course of writing Marked and this story, I really came to like Narcissa as a character. I find really interesting parallels between her and Lily Potter or Molly Weasley. Two very different visions of a mother who's determined to do what's best for her family. I hope you continue to like her, because she plays a pretty significant role in this story.

Astoria is entering her sixth year at the start of this story, which is her canon age according to all sources I could find. It makes the timeline a little complicated, but overall I think it works.

Horatio is meant to be complex, partly because he is and partly because you're seeing him through the eyes of Astoria, who's still trying to work a lot of things out for herself. A part of his dislike for the Malfoys comes from a misunderstanding on his part. He was never a Death Eater or close to any of Voldemort's inner circle, so he has no idea how powerful the Dark Lord truly was. To him, Voldemort was essentially some crazy street preacher that the Blacks, Malfoys and other Death Eater families elevated to become their puppet king. He doesn't realize that Voldemort would have become powerful no matter what, families like the Blacks and Malfoys just made the process faster and easier. As far as his feelings toward half-bloods and muggle-borns, he shares many of the same prejudices that most purebloods do. But he's not fanatical or violent about them. He didn't really see a problem with the state of affairs before the war and he's convinced that what the Death Eaters did has turned the tide in an unfavorable direction.

Zabini gives us an idea of where Draco's life would have continued to go if he hadn't had his fateful meeting with Astoria in Diagon Alley. By spending time with the most rational of his old friends, Draco is testing himself. He's trying to see whether he can function in that social circle without lapsing back into his old ways. He mostly succeeds, until reality catches up with him. The wizards who attack Draco and Zabini were not victims of the Death Eaters, per se, but they do know people who were. I think you're pretty much spot on with your read on them. They weren't brave enough to fight when Voldemort was alive, and now they're looking to take out their frustrations.

I'm so pleased that you're enjoying it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #36, by mymischiefmanaged Sobering Up

16th September 2014:
I love this. I loved Tales of the Death Eaters but I think I might have loved this one even more.

This line - 'In his present condition, he had no business operating something as complicated and decollate as his own body' - was just incredible.

I'm really impressed by how you write Draco's drunkenness. Being drunk is usually used either as a comedy tool, or in association with violence. What you've done with it feels original but is still very true to real life. It's kind of pathetic seeing Draco this way, but I think that was your intention.

I really liked the discussion of time. When Draco thought about the clock, and how the last time he looked at it it said 1.30, I assumed he meant 1.30 in the morning. And then he comes outside and it's the middle of the afternoon. It's a wonderful detail that really contributes to the overall image of him being totally lost to alcohol.

This idea of prejudice against death eaters is an interesting one, with the barman telling Draco they don't serve his kind. It's distressingly believable, and it's easy to see why lots of people would support it, but prejudice of any kind isn't a good thing, and seeing it through Draco's eyes creates a haunting image (especially because we know it's still daytime).

I'm glad you introduced Astoria in chapter one. I wasn't sure you would, but it's nice to see the beginnings of change in Draco's life rather than purely seeing him at his worst. I really like Astoria. She's kind but in a refreshingly straightforward and honest way, and it's easy to see how she'd be good for Draco.

The letter to Narcissa was beautifully written. You fit a lot of emotion into it while still keeping Draco's voice in line with canon, and I really like how it's Astoria that inspired him to write it.

Overall, this is a really brilliant first chapter, although I'm intrigued by how Lucius avoided going to prison. I would have thought he should have been arrested for his crimes, especially because he didn't do anything to redeem himself like Draco and Narcissa did. Maybe you explain this later on.

I loved reading this and am looking forward to seeing where you take it. It's really great to see an interesting exploration of Draco that's still in line with canon, and I've not come across one in this time period before.

Looking forward to chapter two!

Emma xx

Author's Response: Hi, Emma!

I remember spending a fair bit of time tweaking that first section to try to get the tone right. I didn't want Draco's drunkenness to seem like slapstick comedy, but at the same time there were parts of it that couldn't help being amusing because it's so pathetic. The mighty have fallen quite far, and I think he would have found 1:30 AM less surprising than 1:30 PM.

A strong backlash against anyone associated with the Death Eaters would have been completely understandable. They terrorized the magical world with impunity for over a year. I'm sure most people wouldn't have bothered to split hairs between the Dark Lord's more genteel followers like the Malfoys and the raving, homicidal lunatics like Greyback and the Lestranges.

The way Astoria is portrayed in this chapter has always seemed like one of the weaker aspects of the story to me, so I'm glad you like her. She is straightforward and honest, but sometimes I feel like she's too perfect. You'll see more of her flaws later on.

Very few reviewers have commented on the letter to Narcissa, so I'm glad it stood out for you. It's the culmination of a major turning point for Draco.

In my mind, Lucius managed to escape prison because of the things Narcissa and Draco did to help Harry defeat Voldemort. Plus he'd already done time in Azkaban and he didn't really fight in the final battle. Between that and his money, he managed to wriggle out of another stint in prison.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #37, by UnluckyStar57 Epilogue

15th September 2014:
What's this? I've finally come to review the last chapter? Oh wow, it's been quite a while! :P

Well, this one certainly didn't disappoint me--and I knew that it wouldn't, considering that all the others were so fun to read. But seeing the Epilogue from Draco's perspective was really interesting and quite funny, so I'm going to have to say that this is one of my favorite chapters in this story. :)

As for this being a realistic scene from Draco's perspective, my answer is YES. I like how the scene began with Scorpius and all of his nervousness, unlike the actual DH epilogue (with Albus). It made everything a little more personal and expounded upon the relationship between Draco and Astoria (especially now that it's been a few years) and introduced Scorpius's character in a really brilliant way.

Ugh, Lucius is always going to be Lucius. That's never ever going to change, unfortunately, but I guess there's nothing anyone can do about it. I hate that he went and passed on his pureblood mania to Scorpius, but the kid is pretty smart. He seems like he has a good moral compass and a penchant for eavesdropping. Maybe he won't end up as prejudiced as his grandfather.

DRACO, YOU SCAMP!!! Okay, as a rule, I NEVER ship Scorose when they're only eleven--that's like forcing them into something that seems "inevitable" and that just isn't right. But Draco is doing all of the shipping in this chapter--and he's doing it for very devious reasons. SCOROSE IS NOW AN ALLIANCE TO SHOW THAT THE MALFOYS DON'T HATE THE WINNING SIDE. WHAT IS THIS?!?! Ugh, what a weirdo. If Scorpius DID run into Rose on that train, I hope that they at least became friends or enemies or frenemies before they started making kissy faces at each other.

That being said, are you writing a Scorose? What with your writing style and the overly cliched nature of the pairing, that would be an interesting experiment! But you know, it's probably better if you didn't...

While I didn't necessarily like Draco's initial response to Scorpius's question about getting Sorted, I did think that it was a very Draco thing for him to say. OF COURSE it never crossed his mind that his kid might not be in Slytherin--Draco was a Slytherin before the Hat even looked into his brain! But Scorpius might be different--I can definitely see something of a Ravenclaw or a Gryffindor in him from this chapter, and it would be rather interesting to see how Draco deals with having a son in a different House. (Despite his final response, I still think that he'll have a hard time of it if Scorpius doesn't become a Slytherin.)

Hahaha, Draco and Ron will NEVER be friends. Ever. Even if Rose and Scorpius get married as soon as they graduate from Hogwarts. Some rivalries never die, and Ron was always the stubborn sort. It made a lot of sense for Draco to have another go at picking on him, even if it was indirectly--through their children. It might not be the nicest form of revenge, but I suppose that's the point. :D

So, what's next? Are you going to write a sequel to this? Maybe a one-shot with Scorpius's Sorting? (I'm kind of curious to learn what House he's Sorted into.) Or maybe even *gasp* a noncliche, action/adventure Scorose?!

Whatever it might be, I'm sure it'll be awesome. This story certainly was, and although most of this review concentrates on Scorpius/all the drama surrounding the Next Generation, I can't forget how this story made me think about Draco a little differently. This is character development/evolution at its finest. Bravo to you, Dan! :)


Author's Response: Wow, the last chapter! Such sweet sorrow.

In a weird way, this one was my favorite, too. Which may or may not be a good thing, since the subject matter of this one isn't really part of the main plot. It was neat to see Draco all grown up and watching Scorpius's life play out in front of him.

Poor Scorpius has some difficult times ahead of him. His parents and grandparents have gone to great lengths to shelter him from the ugliness of the world outside, which is similar in some ways to how the Potters raised their children. But the underlying reasons are very different, and Scorpius didn't have a hoard of cousins and close family friends to play with.

You're right, there's no stopping Lucius from being Lucius. You can only hope to minimize the damage, which is what Astoria, and to a lesser extent Draco, have worked to do. And it isn't as though Lucius was a completely negative influence. Scorpius will understand his roots and his family history very well.

Draco's sole purpose in mentioning Rose to Scorpius was to try to torment Ron. In Draco's mind, Scorpius might take Rose to Hogsmeade someday or perhaps snog her in a broom closet. He never, ever expected it to go farther than that. In the end, Draco's devious little plan backfired on both Ron and Draco.

Would I write a Scorpius/Rose story? Well, one idea has occurred to me. We'll see...

Draco sort of fumbles his way through the conversation about Scorpius's sorting, but he ends up at the right place. In my personal head canon, Scorpius does end up in Slytherin, but it wasn't a sure thing.

I really can't see myself writing a pure sequel to this story. I've written Draco and Astoria so much. Frankly, I'm a bit burned on the two of them. But I'm sure they'll pop up from time to time in other stories. And my idea for a story with Scorpius and Rose is definitely action-based. :)

Thank you so much for all of your awesome reviews on my story! It's been a pleasure and I've loved every one!

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Review #38, by Veritaserum27 Epilogue

14th September 2014:
Hello, hello!

I made it to the last chapter. I'm so sad right now :(

Loved this. Loved it, loved it. The parallels are absolutely brilliant. First off, we have the tie in from chapter one of PS - Draco's thoughts on their sort of people reminded me of Vernon Dursley's thoughts about the Potters. Then it extends to the "wrong sort of people" and we see that Lucius has not changed his ways. Although, given his condition, he may now be at a point where he flat out doesn't remember the Second Wizarding War and is pushing his old-school Pure Blood prejudices on his grandson.

As a side note, you've brilliantly characterized the relationship between Scorpius and Lucius without him even making an appearance in the chapter - pure genius. Lucius obviously dotes on Scorpius and they are clearly really close, as is evidenced by his disappointment that his grandfather is too sick to accompany him to his first trip on the Hogwarts Express.

My favorite parallel is the insecurity of the two boys (Albus and Scorpius) at being sorted. Harry handled it much, much better. Draco had to do some backpedalling, but came out fairly unscathed.

I love your characterization of Scorpius. He's been sheltered and has grown up in an adult world, with little exposure to other kids. Hogwarts is going to be a shock, to say the least. It seems appropriate that he isn't as confident or arrogant as his father was at that age, but he still retains the reserve and a bit of his cunning nature.

I find it interesting that Astoria still holds a grudge against Ron for the arrest attempt at Greengrass Manor - is this yet another parallel because Ron is forever going to hold a grudge against Malfoy for Hermione's torture at Malfoy Manor? Hmmm... very clever indeed, Dan.

One tiny typo:

"Yes, I want to be in Slytherin. But what it the hat puts me in a different house? What will Grandfather say?"

I think you mean: ...what if the hat puts me in a different house...

The only thing that struck me as really odd in this chapter is when Draco suggested that Rose was cute. I know that he's only doing it to see if anything takes hold in an attempt to irritate Ron, but I'm having a hard time imagining that he would even entertain the idea of his son and Rose being a couple - especially given his and Astoria's distaste for Ron. It worked really well for the story and was a great way to segue into the next phase of Draco and Astoria's life.

Weasley's daughter seems a bit... delicate to me.

I see what you did there - very clever. Although I have to admit, I'm not a huge fan of that story (**hides behind couch to avoid being hit**). I know it's headcanon for most people. If you want the full version of my explanation, I'll send it to you in a PM, but for right now, I'll just say that part of my reasoning has to do with an "occupational hazard" for me.

But I can say that this story is now my headcanon for Draco/Astoria. It was awesome, entertaining at every turn and really made me understand Draco, Astoria, Narcissa and Purebloods at another level. While most writers are either brilliant or entertaining, you manage to capture both of those with each and every chapter. Thanks for sharing your gift.

On to Harry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hi, Beth!

One thing I love about you reviewing my stories -- and I wonder whether you feel the same way -- is that you see parallels to the books in places where I never even thought about it. So of course my reaction is something like, "Oh, really? I mean, yes! Yes, of course I meant to do that..."

Draco still sees the world as cleanly divided between "the right sort" and "the wrong sort", he's just learned that expressing that point of view carries a cost. He's paid it extensively in his life and he doesn't want to see Scorpius pay it as well. It's not that so much that Draco's values have changed, he's simply realized that some opinions aren't worth acting on.

I thought a lot about giving Lucius a brief appearance, but I found that having the ideals of the old Lucius Malfoy looming over things had a lot more effect than having him appear and be a shadow of his former self. Lucius and Scorpius are very close, having spent a lot of time together as the boy grew up. He's filled Scorpius's head with a lot of ideas that will cause him problems in a few years. Astoria has tried hard to counteract the worst of those thoughts without being openly disrespectful to her father-in-law.

Scorpius is in for some big shocks at Hogwarts, not least being a certain dark-haired, green-eyed boy who gets sorted into Slytherin with him and changes what he thinks about a lot of things. There is a lot of Draco in him, but also a lot of his mother.

I don't think of Astoria's hostility toward Ron as being a parallel to anything so much as it's simply her protective nature where Draco's concerned and her unwillingness to suffer fools kindly. Ron was definitely being an idiot after the fight at the Greengrass home.

Thanks for pointing out that typo. I'll patch that up!

Draco is trying to torment Ron when he suggests that Rose is cute, nothing more. Little does he know... I get that Delicate isn't for everyone. But I enjoyed it and I liked including that small shout-out.

Thank you so much for the compliments on this story! I started it as a challenge entry and a gift to a friend and it really took on a life of its own. I probably won't be able to find the love to write Draco and Astoria again for a while, but they're definitely one of my favorite pairings.


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Review #39, by Veritaserum27 Yes

25th August 2014:
Hi Dan,

I need to apologize for taking so long to get to this very important chapter! I was hoping to have this story all reviewed months ago.

Wow! The way you ended the last chapter, I didn't think that there was any way these two (or the rest of the Greengrasses) were going to get out of this one. You left the arrival of the aurors until the very, very end - with yet another fantastic fight scene. I love the way that Draco's focus never waivers. "Keep Astoria Safe." has been his mantra for the past three chapters. As soon as he sees his life clearly, he knows that it is worth less than her safety.

Some very important things happened in this chapter to solidify their feelings for each other. First off, they both grew up exponentially. They were both willing to die for each other, but Astoria realized that her death would also mean the end for Draco and so she found the strength to fight Gamp. I love how you were able to convey her insistent injuries throughout this chapter. It would've been easy to brush off the fact that she'd been hit with the cruciatus just a few moments before, but I could really feel her pain with every move she made.

Ron gets his comeuppance (I think that is the first time I've ever used that word!) from the earlier chapter where he humiliated Draco. He is called out by both Harry and Robards - and put in his place. I can't imagine that Draco didn't get a modicum of satisfaction from all of that. Although Ron always was more of a hothead, I can't exactly fault him. His actions are probably motivated by how Hermione was treated at Malfoy manor. If memory serves, that was merely a year before. Ron isn't likely to forgive that.

Harry is, as always the voice of reason in all this. It's really important that he was posing as Blaise because if not, it might've been difficult for Draco to prove which side we was on in all of this - the ending could've been very, very different.

I just melted with the tender moment between Draco and Astoria where we get to see their true emotions for each other. They both take the time to apologize and express their deepest feelings.

Horatio is a bit redeemed in this hospital scene - I like that he doesn't give Draco a completely clean slate, rather a small opening for him to prove himself. That is all Draco needs for the moment.

The scene with Draco and Astoria in the hospital bed was beautiful and perfect. I think it was important for him to break down in front of her and have her comfort him. It gives balance to their relationship where they truly know they can be there for each other in the long run. This has been mirrored throughout the story with both Lucius and Narcissa and the Greengrasses. It adds another layer to their relationship - and maturity.

The proposal was sweet and unexpected, but perfect just the same. These two have had so many obstacles along their way, it makes sense that, one the road is at least a little bit clear, they would jump right in.

This chapter was just perfect!


Author's Response: Hi, Beth! I love seeing you back again!

I wanted the story to go out with a bang, so leaving the arrival of the Aurors to the end was my last bit of fun with cliffhangers. Draco's focus is completely singular by this point. It's all about Astoria and what she means to him.

I like your observations on how the characters changed in this chapter. I agree that they learned some things about themselves in addition to laying it all on the line for one another. I also think it was important not to lose sight of the fact that Astoria had been hit by a terrible, debilitating curse and Draco was in rough physical shape as well. I think it adds something to the strength of their commitment.

Ron gets put in his place, which I think is how it should be. Draco took immense satisfaction in seeing Ron humbled, especially by Astoria. You're correct that a lot of Ron's hostility arose from his memories of being held prisoner in Draco's home. Harry once again helps to save the day. He has an unintentional habit of doing that for Draco.

I didn't want to leave the reader with the impression that Horatio is so rigid in his ways that he could *never* accept Draco in spite of Astoria's wishes. When confronted by very substantial evidence of how Draco had changed, he was willing to give Draco a chance. You're right, it's not a clean slate, but it's a start.

I'm glad you liked the part where Draco breaks down. I felt really unsure about it and my beta reader wasn't too sure either. In the end, I decided to keep it. I thought the moment was far too emotional not to have an effect.

I'm still not 100% sure about the proposal, but what the heck. They're not engaged, they're "engaged to be engaged". It's a small step.

I'm really, really pleased you feel that way! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #40, by wenlock Future Imperfect

22nd August 2014:
I like your story a lot so far. Especially Astoria. I like her innocence and ability to see the good in others. Reading this chapter, I found myself hoping that she will just relax and not worry about expectations. I like your portrayal of Draco's recovery. It is very realistic and in character. I hope the rest of this story continues to be this good.

Author's Response: I'm glad you like Astoria. Early in the story, I worried that she was too mature for her age. I really tried to make her more age-appropriate as the story went on and show some of her flaws.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. I'd enjoy hearing your reactions. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #41, by wenlock Sobering Up

22nd August 2014:
This is very interesting. So many people brush over Draco's recovery/change. I like the angle you're taking with this story.

Author's Response: Hi! I've read a few of those stories and I thought that they were missing a really important part of what I assumed happened with the character after the war. I wanted to try to show him in a more balanced and realistic way. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #42, by UnluckyStar57 Yes

15th August 2014:
Hi there!

So, this started out as another action-packed chapter, but it settled down at the ending, all winding up to the big finish--who knew that Draco and Astoria could be so fluffily, deliriously happy? :D But it would seem that happiness has indeed won the day, and peace reigns again--for now.

Okay, so as if AVERY weren't enough, MULCIBER comes in to wreak havoc... BUT THEN THE PLOT TWIST!! I didn't see that one coming, let me tell you! The battle between the Aurors and the neo-Death Eaters was pretty frightening and fantastic--I think it's really realistic that Astoria wouldn't have known who was friend and who was foe. It was in the midst of a battle in which the good guys were dressed as bad guys! I would be confused, I know.

Oh dear... Ron's little confrontation with Draco made me cringe. It's totally realistic for him to act that way, but I sure do hope that he mellows out with age. You know, during that part, I couldn't tell if the harsh depiction of Ron was due to the fact that Draco has a vendetta against him or if you, O Author, have some sort of grudge against everyone's favorite redhead. :P It was probably a rather accurate depiction of him, though, considering that he was talking to Draco, but this story is from Draco's point of view--we can't totally trust him to be honest about Ron, can we?

But Harry was chill. I admired him for telling Ron to stand down. And the fact that he masqueraded as Zabini was another plot twist that I didn't see coming. :)

One question: Who contacted the Aurors? That might have been mentioned in an earlier chapter, but I think I missed it. Was it Draco? Narcissa? The Greengrasses?

At any rate, Gamp goes to prison, yay! I hope Daphne sees sense and dumps him. Even though she's sort of dumb and vapid, she doesn't deserve a husband who doesn't love her. Nobody deserves that.

Cue the "aw"s as Draco chats with his future father-in-law. The scene was quite realistic! You seem to have a certain knack for realism--I like it! The part about Draco asking Mr. Greengrass to call him by his first name was very interesting and I liked the bit of pureblood etiquette that was thrown in--did you get that from pureblood wizard canon, or did you take it from Muggle society traditions? And I appreciate the fact that, even though Draco asked to be called by his first name and shows immense respect for Mr. Greengrass, he isn't going to allow himself to be cheated just so that he can potentially marry Astoria. He's got potions skills, after all, and he deserves to be salaried thusly. :P Also, he gets to escape from the cold-hearted research lab of Madame Blishwick, hooray! :D This is a very good career move for him, indeed!

Cue more "aw"s as Astoria and Draco start being all cute. Srsly. They are definitely going to become the pureblood couple that shares love and also the responsibility of running an empire together. As such, they're going to be cute when they're alone and totally domineering in public. And Astoria isn't going to let him push her around--ever. I like that! Drastoria for the win! Basically, you've written this last scene with the specific purpose of showing how adorable they are, and now I want to go read more Drastoria fics. Thanks. :P But in the end, Astoria helped Draco become better than he was at the beginning of this whole mess, and they are such an awesome couple. You couldn't have written a better ending for them. :)

Great job, all around! Only one more chapter left for me to read, and it's the epilogue! I am incredibly interested to read about the scene from Draco's point of view--I'm sure it will be very enlightening. :D


Author's Response: Only one more to go? Doesn’t seem at all possible! Actually, I guess if I think about it, it is possible. You were one of the earliest reviewers for this story and definitely one of the most loyal. You have my undying gratitude!

I really enjoyed unleashing both the idea of Mulciber and that little plot twist on the world. I wanted things to seem about as bad as they could possibly get before heading into the big finale. It seems like the sense of confusion and mayhem I was trying to create from Astoria’s PoV worked well, too. All around, I’m pleased with how things seemed to play out for you.

Part of me feels badly about how unkind I’ve been to Ron in this story. I definitely owe him a good one-shot or something. I don’t have anything against him, but you recall his prior confrontation with Draco. I also needed some way to introduce Harry’s role in the capture of Avery and the other conspirators. And, no, you can’t ever trust Draco’s PoV where Ron is concerned.

Harry’s masquerade actually ties directly into a small subplot of Conspiracy of Blood. I enjoyed coming up with that one. To answer your question, the Aurors learned about Gamp’s conspiracy when they were trying to track down Avery. They’d been communicating with Avery in the guise of Mulciber for some time. When Avery told “Mulciber” about a counter-revolution brewing among recent Hogwarts grads, Harry and Ron put two and two together. They went after Zabini first because they saw him as a soft target who would likely sell out the others to save his own skin. Zabini’s mother was tipped off by a former flame inside the Ministry, however, and she slipped her son out of the country. Instead of seeing it as a setback, the Aurors decided to take advantage of the situation by impersonating Zabini and using him to infiltrate the conspiracy.

Gamp will be going to prison for the rest of his life. Essentially, that amounts to a divorce. Daphne doesn’t completely abandon him because pureblood ladies don’t do that sort of thing, but she doesn’t have to stay with him, either.

The scene with Draco and Mr. Greengrass was challenging to write, but I really enjoyed it. It was fun to try to think through all of the little intricacies of how a couple of aristocratic purebloods would interact. I don’t think there is any canon on the topic, so I borrowed a few bits from here and there and I made up the rest. You’re correct, even putting aside the fact that it advances his relationship with Astoria, this is a tremendous step up, career-wise.

Draco and Astoria have great things ahead of them. I was definitely tempted to instantly have them jumping each other like a pair of hyenas in heat, but this felt a lot more natural. You know, I haven’t found any other Draco/Astoria fics with this sort of dynamic. Then again, I haven’t looked too hard.

Gah, one more chapter! I’m excited and a little sad. I see you just posted in your review thread, so let’s go request. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #43, by Veritaserum27 Clarity

14th August 2014:
Hi Dan,

I'm here (finally) to review this next chapter. And it was a fantastic chapter, at that!

I love the way that you've brought us right into Draco's emotions. Not just in this chapter, but since the first sentence of the first chapter, where everything was blurry and confusing and he was drunk in the bar. This is the antithesis. Everything is finally clear for Draco. You've beautifully paralleled his clarity through your description of the scene in front of him. He is focused on keeping Astoria safe and he clearly has his goal in mind. With that, he clearly sees all the details of the outside of the manor house. Brilliant.

Maybe this gets answered in the next chapter, but did Flint die? I know that Sectumsempra causes intense, severe bleeding and I didn't think anyone could live for very long without the countercurse. Hmmm...

Another battle scene. Oooo! This one is just as good if not better than the last one. There were more people in the room and more comings and goings so that could have come off as confusing. But yet again, your skill at balancing description with action was spot on. I did read this one through several times, but that was for sheer enjoyment because it was so well done, and not because I was trying to pick up details that I'd missed.

In addition to the great description, there is another layer that you add to your dueling scenes. While a good author will make sure the scene is well thought out with action and reactions from both parts, you also include the mental element that comes from within the character. I'm not just talking about what the character is thinking at the time - that is easy. As a tennis player (okay, its been a while...), a large part of the game is how your opponent views your skill. Even if you are not as good as they are, if they think you can beat them, you can win the match. This is done subtly, by positioning yourself at certain points on the court in relation to them and by small acts of body language. You are the first author I've read that has translated this into a duel. Its no small feat, but it adds so much realism and depth to the story. Like tennis, it is subtle but an enormous part of an actual duel. If Draco had given off an air of fear, Avery would've sensed it immediately and gone in for the kill, without hesitation.

And of course the love story continues to play out between them. I love you. He just has to say it because they are both in mortal peril and if he doesn't do it now, it might be too late and those words in that moment just added so, so much depth to the scene. Aaahh. Good job with the feels on that one.

I did catch two small typos:

With a disinterested flick of his wand, Gamp send Daphne flying across the room into the wall.

I think you meant 'sent' not 'send.'

And here:

Astoria's breath caught in her through when she remembered the moment he'd cast the Cruciatus Curse on her.

Did you mean to say 'Astoria's breath caught in her throat...?' I wasn't sure.

But, wow. This was great. Superb.

Thanks for writing this!


Author's Response: Yay, typos have been stamped out! Thank you for catching them.

I'd love to claim that the parallels between Draco's perception of the world around him and his mental state were intentional, but that wouldn't really be the truth. It's better to be lucky than good sometimes. I'm really glad that everything meshed for you. To me, setting is a huge part of good storytelling.

Flint survives his injuries. Draco didn't intend to kill him, only to completely incapacitate him. He lives to make an appearance as one of the villains in Conspiracy of Blood.

Wow, I think you might be the only person who's ever re-read these scenes for enjoyment! I think that action and description have to go hand in hand. Otherwise, you get a big, confusing blur in the reader's mind. Sometimes that's appropriate, like in a melee. But here, we have a very intense, one-on-one fight that's the sole focus of Draco's attention.

Draco learned to fight from his Aunt Bellatrix. Crazy as she might have been, she was a vicious, cunning fighter and she was masterful at playing on her opponents' mental and emotional weaknesses. I completely agree with your observation on the need to make your opponent *think* that you can beat them. Draco and Avery both might have known that Draco was no match for the older, more seasoned wizard, but Draco wasn't about to show that and it created enough hesitation in Avery's mind that it nearly carried the day. Nearly...

Draco knew that it might be his last chance to tell Astoria how he really felt and he wasn't going to miss it. I think there's also a small message in there about the limits of the Imperius Curse when it comes up against love.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it! Only two more to go! :)

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Review #44, by Veritaserum27 A Break with the Past

30th July 2014:
Hello, hello!

I knew it. I knew you wouldn't let Narcissa's beautiful plan play out. Very nice with the plot twists, here. I seriously did not see how they were going to get out of this one. Draco is smooth and Narcissa always maintains a cool head, but there are only two of them and all of a sudden all these other bad dudes show up. Thank goodness Lucius is at least within enough of his mind to know to fight and which way to point his wand, even if he thinks he is in the Department of Mysteries.

I loved the term "flintlock" - brilliant. Your descriptions of Nott's injuries and the battle that ensues were fantastic. I usually find that I have to go back and re-read battle scenes to make sure I know who was hexing who(m?), or if someone had fallen to the side, or what injury had been sustained, but this scene was evenly paced and easy to follow. Definitely not lacking in action, however.

And I think the most important point of this chapter is perhaps the most subtle (and brilliantly done, by the way). Draco has finally learned to control his anger. It has plagued him since the very beginning, and he has had small moments of control (mostly that involved Astoria), but here he has every reason to lose it, but he doesn't. His family is under threat in their own home, he has lost Astoria (or so he thinks), he job is requiring him to relive his worst memories, and he just learned of his father's illness. Yup. Old Draco's life is in turmoil to say the least. BUT, he manages to keep it together, and assess the rather dangerous situation in front of him.

You did mention to me that Narcissa steals your scenes, and that is completely alright with me. She is awesome. And she did it again!!! Holy fireball, batman! It seems that some ancient Black relative found a way to contain and control fiendfyre? Maybe that wasn't your intent, but the descriptions were similar to me!

My two favorite parts were the humorous bits you added in:

"Hi, there, Malfoy, Mrs. Malfoy. How are you?"

Ahh, Goyle, the clueless prat until the very end, huh? You almost can't fault him for his actions because he just doesn't have the ability to know any better.

"He left that thing to you?"

Narcissa lifted her eyebrows noncommittally in response.

"He couldn't very well leave it to your Aunt Bellatrix. She would have burned down the entire island."

Oh, can you imagine that object in the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange? I quiver at the thought.

Daphne is so clueless and self-absorbed I almost don't feel sorry for her at having married a power-hungry murderer. I keep trying to find one redeeming quality in her, maybe because she's Astoria's sister, but I think the only thing that I can come up with is that she is too focused on her own poor lot that she can't be evil.

Ugh! Another cliffhanger, Dan? I suppose that's appropriate given that we're heading toward the climax of this story. You've done a fantastic job with the sense of urgency here. I'm holding my breath throughout the entire chapter with the hopes of letting it out at the end - and then bam I MUST read on because it just got worse for all of them!

Until next chapter,


Author's Response: Hi, Beth! Apologies that I wasn't able to answer this sooner. Let's dig right in!

It's not often that I allow my characters brilliantly-conceived plans to work out the way that they're supposed to. Where's the fun in that? Characters are most interesting when they have to adapt on the fly.

It took me ages to come up with "repeating flintlock". I went to the forums for help and everything. Still not 100% thrilled with it, but it works. I'm really glad that you found the fight scene easy to follow. I always try to visualize everything in my head and make sure that I'm getting the relative positions of the combatants right in the words. That said, I'm never quite sure whether it translates properly.

Draco's war-tempered survival instincts kick in when the curses start to fly. In a way, I almost felt like he was *more* comfortable in that sort of confrontation than the verbal type. Here, he can channel and focus his anger and turn it into something productive. Not easy to do when he's doing the dance of civility with Madam Blishwick.

You nailed it with your interpretation of Narcissa's locket. In my mind, one of her talented but dark ancestors perfected a way to contain and control FiendFyre and applied those enchantments to the locket.

Poor Goyle. The guy is eternally one step behind the rest of the world.

Not even Bella's own elders could imagine that locket in her hands. Hence, it was handed down to Narcissa.

Daphne is mostly in this scene for comic relief, although she does play a small role in what's coming. I haven't been kind to her at all in this story, but at least she fares better than Flint and Nott.

Yes, another cliffhanger. I'm just terrible, aren't I? But that's how I keep people coming back. ;)

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #45, by Roisin Epilogue

28th July 2014:

This epilogue was brilliant. I love that Draco still has his prejudices; hatred, oppression, ethnic violence--these wounds sometimes take generations to heal. You did a brilliant job setting it up, though, where Scorpius could turn out tolerant.

The way you managed to fill in the gaps between the potter books and their epilogue was amazing. You really brought a lot of life to Ron's remaining resentments, Harry and Draco's tepid mutual respect.


Also, I really like Draco's speech about Scorpius' sorting--mostly, because it was a bit lacking. I really commend your crafting this love story where we care so much about the characters, yet they remain imperfect. Astoria never gives us reason to believe she ever took issue with her father's sense of blood superiority, nor moved beyond petty power plays over tiaras. Draco remains narrow minded, manipulative, and all of the rest. But they love eachother, and they love their son, and they aren't hurting anyone, so we can love them too. That's quite a tough tightrope to walk, and you managed it flawlessly.

This was a jewel of a story.

Author's Response: Ha! Shhh! Nobody tell padfoot4ever that I wrote a prequel to his/her story. ;)

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it. I knew from a very early point in writing this story that I wanted to do this epilogue, but I've always felt a bit unsure about how it really relates to the rest. Scorpius has a lot of his father's family, but he has his mother's heart. That, I think, turns out to be the difference.

I was probably ninety percent of the way done writing the epilogue when the idea hit me to have Draco "set the stage" for Scorpius pursuing Rose as a way to torment Ron. The beauty of it, at least to me, is that not even Draco believes it's going to work. It was a very Slytherin move, but it backfires on him in the end.

It's so strange you should say that about Draco's speech. I had a much more profound version in an early draft and I changed it. It didn't sound right at all coming from him. I think this version captures the essence of Draco trying hard to say and do the right things in spite of the fact that he was raised to believe the exact opposite. Making that speech was a very unnatural act for him.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all of the wonderful, encouraging and insightful reviews on Detox. You have no idea how much they mean to me.


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Review #46, by Roisin Clarity

28th July 2014:

It was always the flaw of Death Eaters that they cared too much about style. If Voldy hadn't insisted on using Harry's blood for resurrection, he'd have saved himself a world of hurt.

Also, the reintroduction of the "artifact" was great. I'm really impressed you were able to keep plot threads going while writing the story in a serialized way. It's really well paced, and seems meticulously planned. Sometimes, stories tend to meander, lose their footing, and then stumble towards a conclusion. Here, you have a really tight narrative going.

Alsoalso, and this has happened several times so far, I really like how Draco is always bringing up the things he learned as a Death Eater. It was such a formative time in his youth to spend so horribly, and you do a really good job of transmitting the gravitas of such an experience.

I'm sure I have loads more to say, but I'm tryna find out who the hooded/masked arrival is!

Author's Response: Death Eaters do have a tendency to go for the coup de grace instead of sticking to simple things that work. No doubt about that.

There were a few plot threads that I planned to run all the way through, like the "mystery" Death Eater that Gamp had allied himself with. Then there were others where I just got lucky. I have to admit that Draco's phony "artifact" fell into the latter category. It seemed like a convenient lie for him to tell Zabini at the time I invented it and it took on a life of its own from there.

I don't know about you, but I find that lessons tend to stick with me a whole lot better when they're matters of life and death. Most of what Draco learned during the war, he had to learn in order to survive.

Only one more review to respond to. I'm feeling accomplished, but also kind of sad. It's been a fun journey. Thanks for reviewing and on to the final one...

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Review #47, by Roisin A Break with the Past

28th July 2014:
Ah! All through the fight scene I was internally screaming "BLAST THE DARK MAGIC, JUST DISARM THEM!" I was so pleased when Draco took a page out of Potter's book. Seriously, people tease Harry for using expelliarmus all the time, but it WORKS. He beat Voldemort so many times. GAH. Rant Over.

"...he would have been tempted to bury his face in his palm"--this was a very unexpected moment of comedy, and very very funny. I was impressed you were able to weave that in during so much action.

Also, it's a bit telling, isn't it? "Oh bummer, dad thinks he's back in the Dept of Mysteries on a nefarious quest." Draco has been taught to take so much wickedness for granted.

Narcissa is consistently impressively characterized. Where Lucius is defined by hubris, she is defined by self/family preservation. Every decision we ever saw her make during the books was motivated by that, and you do a wonderful job of continuing that tradition here.

Also, I was glad you brought in FiendFyre. There are very few issues I take with Rowling's masterful story-telling, one of the only ones being that FiendFyre was introduced hastily, and only the once. Seeing it again, further fleshed out, is very welcome.

This bit was subtle, but Bellatrix would have burned down "the island." It actually makes sense--Britain has a whole mess of little islands all over its coast. I dunno if you got that from canon or made it up, but those little islands really would be the perfect place for big wizarding stately homes.

So the suspense it killing me, so I'll leave this review here!

Author's Response: There is an amazing simplicity to the disarming charm, isn't there? You take away the other party's ability to cause you harm.

I think fight scenes always benefit from a little dry humor unless the intensity absolutely forbids it. It helps to break up the aggression a bit and let the reader mentally relax for a second.

I love writing Narcissa. I think I might have mentioned it in an earlier review response, but she has a huge tendency to steal scenes in my stories. I think family is of paramount importance to her, but not in the "my family is eternally superior to yours" manner of Lucius or worse still, Bellatrix. She loves her son unconditionally and will go to any lengths to protect him. It's oddly similar to Lily Potter or Molly Weasley, but from a completely different background. There's definitely a statement being made there.

I absolutely loved creating the "Black Family Heirloom". My underlying thought process is that one of Narcissa's talented ancestors figured out how to tame and contain FiendFyre and enchanted the locket to do so. When Narcissa refers to Bellatrix burning down "the island", by the way, she's talking about the *entire UK*, excluding Northern Ireland. Bella isn't known for restraint. ;)

Yay! We're counting down to the final chapter. No, wait, boo! I don't want the enjoyment to stop. Thanks!

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Review #48, by Roisin Climbing Back

28th July 2014:
Such a twisty story!

It's really interesting that Draco just kind of assumes he has loyalties, because he's so used to having them. In reality, outside of Astoria, they shift and turn. The Malfoys have always been primarily after their own interests. In that light, Draco's path to goodness is simple: all he needs is purity of intention.

I'm really glad for something you did here, namely, it isn't just a big JUST TALK ABOUT IT AND TELL THE OTHER HOW YOU FEEL--PROBLEM SOLVED thing. Both characters decided to do right by the other, but then some plot outside of their control stumbles into Draco's foyer. It let the conflict simmer for just long enough, but ultimately took the issue out of "easily remedied" waters.

Also, I hate Madame Blishwick. So. SO much. I am know officially theorizing that she's the big bad, hurrumph.

It's realistic, too, even if she doesn't turn out to be evil. I studied the science in college, and Academia can seem very cruel (I was genuinely bummed to not get an unpaid lab job "fixing" mice--aka, dosing them with ketamine then replacing their blood with plastic--because the research was so interesting. Then I remembered that my immortal soul was at stake, and was glad not to be hired). You gotta compartmentalize, or nothing can ever get done. That said, I still suspect that all surgeons are sadists.

MORE TO THE POINT: I'm really relieved that Lucius isn't the unnamed Death Eater, and man, you wrote his magical-dementia really well. Again, a really unique take on Lucius, and a great way to reel Draco back into family loyalty.

I can't believe I'm almost done with this story!

Author's Response: Correct, you don't need to think badly of poor, old Lucius. At least no more than you already thought badly of him.

Draco does have a few absolute loyalties, his mother for one. He's absolutely loyal to the *ideal* of the Malfoy name if not necessarily to the current leader of the family. And now he's absolutely loyal to Astoria.

Come now, you know me better than that! There was no way I would settle for a boring "talk it out and share your true feelings" ending when I had the chance to have curses and fire and explosions. There are no easy remedies in the magical world.

Your read on Madam Blishwick is spot on. She's a tone-deaf academic who lacks any appreciation of the social context of her work. She truly believes that there's redeeming social value in understanding the precise bio-magical (is that even a term?) mechanisms through while Unforgivable Curses harm people.

You're so close to the end! But this is where the roller coaster truly begins. Thanks for all of the awesome reviews!

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Review #49, by Roisin Errors in Judgment

28th July 2014:
Ah, such a comedy of manners! Ah, the conservativism! I want to slap them both!

They really are SO star crossed. Never would have imagined that for this pairing!

It's pretty impressive how the unfolding of the romance is so not to my taste--the whole WE MUST MARRY thing--yet I'm really rooting for them anyway (and I've read the epilogue, so my worry is rather silly). You did a really good job weaving gushy romance together with intimate awkwardness and absurd polite-society elements. Each bit tempered the other, and the result was a really unique scene.

"I have to hurt her to save her" and "things wouldn't suck so much if he could tell the truth" are very familiar ideas, but the context and specificity of the dialogue here means I never rolled my eyes. Draco explained himself as well as anyone could have hoped, and the rapid POV shifts did a lot to justify the events.

Astoria storming in her room, and severing her dress, was especially well done. Really captured the teenage girl "the sky is falling because a boy!" thing without satirizing it.

And the little bit about Draco still holding on to the idea of Lucius rescinding invitations to Malfoy manor, before rejecting it, was a super nice touch. I like how the perspective he's had all his life isn't so easily shrugged off.

I want to say more, but I also want to get to the next chapter!

Author's Response: I wanted to slap them both on many occasional while writing this. They're cute, but they can be horribly frustrating at times.

They're star-crossed, but like most star-crossed couples, there's a big element of self-inflicted misery involved. If Astoria and Draco could simply be honest with one another about their deepest anxieties, a lot of their problems go away. It doesn't happen because he's too busy trying to keep her pure and untouched by the horrors of war while she's too busy trying to be the older, more experienced lover that she thinks Draco wants. It would be comical if you didn't like them.

"Rooting for them in spite of who they are" kind of defines the experience of writing this story, so it's good to see that it comes across to a reader, as well. Draco and Astoria are the embodiment of everything that JKR taught us to dislike or at least mistrust for the first six books: privilege, wealth, old blood lines and conceit. To me, gushy romance, intimate awkwardness and absurd polite-society elements were a big part of the key to selling this chapter. It had to be very nitty-gritty and in the reader's face, otherwise it all starts to sound rather absurd.

I'm glad you liked the rapid PoV shifts. A couple of readers found them confusing or disorienting. This was the one chapter where I really wanted the reader to know, in quasi-real time, what each character was thinking as their evening swirled down the proverbial toilet.

I think "the sky is falling because a boy!" thing satirizes itself. It doesn't really need my help. In this case, I just wanted to show Astoria at her lowest point so that we can commence rebuilding a stronger, smarter version of her in the next chapter.

Very well, on to the next review, then. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #50, by Roisin Future Imperfect

28th July 2014:
I have to admit, I feel like the girl talk went on for a bit longer than necessary. But I might feel that way just because it was so euphemistic. In my experience, girl-talk rivals or exceeds locker-room boy talk in terms of vulgarity. But, I'm also of a very different social strata than these girls, and from a considerably more progressive and liberal community. Also, I doubt it would be appropriate to go full vulgar anyway for the story, and would hardly recommend changing it.

Draco and Madame Blishwick was brilliant, and painful, and wonderful. There was something really cinematic about his running to puke. I almost couldn't stand how amoral she was--how lightly she took his experiences and actions, how brazenly she spoke about his value. And his reaction was so on point. You truly have portrayed the boy who cried to moaning Myrtle about his feelings while plotting to assassinate Dumbledore.

Too often, writers around here want to make Draco this really alluring badboy, which reduces the harm he caused, underplays his nastier flaws, and incorrectly characterizes his fragility.

What I'm trying to say, is I know what story I'm gonna be nominating for some Dobby's.

Author's Response: Yeah, I'm a little too fond of my Archives account to go full-on vulgar. And I don't imagine Astoria and Isadore would behave that way, either. Isadore might if she was in different company, but Astoria is too "high society". Also more than a little sheltered and naive.

It didn't take long for Draco's career to take a dramatic turn for the worse, did it? Madam Blishwick isn't evil at all, she's just too much of a pure academic to be able to comprehend the discomfort her research causes people who've lived the nightmare that Draco's been through. I'm glad you liked his reaction.

Wow. I'm not quite sure what to say to that, other than thanks! I appreciate all the kind words.

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