Reading Reviews for Ghosts in the Attic
39 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Cassius Alcinder The Photo Album

31st October 2011:
Back again for Chaper 3!

So I have to say that I absolutely love your portrayal of Narcissa! She's definetely a very complex character and you showed that very well. Showing how she still held on to her old prejudices despite her evident changes was totally believable. Also, you did a really good job at showing how becoming a mother would change her perspective. You really did an excellent job with her!

I wasn't completely sold on Lucius, I just picture him being meaner and not sensitive at all. But then again, that might just be because we never see him alone with his family in the books, and he definetely did seem to undergo some changes in the last book.

Flow and description wise this was a very good chapter. Very interesting story so far, I will definetely keep reading.

Author's Response: Yeah, I thought a lot about how to portray Lucius. In the end, I decided that it was unrealistic to think of him as mean and cruel across the board - it was actually Bellatrix who decided me. The picture we get of her at the beginning of the sixth book is so unlike how Harry sees her that I felt like I could reasonably say, "Why not Lucius, too?" I'm still a bit unsure on how to deal with him... :

I'm really glad that you liked Narcissa - I really wanted to portray her as someone who's sympathetic but not white-washed, and it's so relieving to hear that you think I succeeded!

Thank you so much for the review, and I hope that you continue to like this story. :)

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Review #27, by Cassius Alcinder An Unwelcome Visitor

28th October 2011:
Back again for Chapter 2!

I love the way you portrayed Andromeda and Narcissa's conversation. Its a very complex relationship and you captured it very well.

I also realy liked your portrayal of Harry. I can totally see him being a really supportive godfather, the way Sirius wished he could have been for him.

Andromeda's character is very believable and I'd like to see where you take things from here.

Thanks for requesting, and keep writing!

Author's Response: I rarely write major canon characters, so I was really nervous about my portrayal of Harry. I'm so glad you mentioned it as working well!

Thank you for the review. :) The third chapter is in the queue, and I'll rerequest when it's validated - I hope you like how I portray Narcissa in it!

Thank you again! :)

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Review #28, by EnigmaticEyes16 An Unwelcome Visitor

28th October 2011:
I really like this story. It's very intriguing and it's evolving very well. This was a very well-written chapter and I think you portray Andromeda wonderfully as a independent person with the way she doesn't want too much help, likes having some time to herself, and very standoff-ish to her sister after all these years. I'm pretty certain I will continue to read it after the challenge is over.


Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you're liking it so much! :) Thank you!

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Review #29, by Cassius Alcinder Prologue

28th October 2011:
Cassius Alcinder here with your review!

You did an excellent job of capturing Andromeda's emotions and the times she was going through. Of all the characters that suffered losses in the battle of Hogwarts, she probably got the worst of it and I think you portrayed that really well. Nice attention to detail mentioning Teddy's hair as well.

I like the way you brought Narcissa into it at the end. We definetely see her in a new light after the events of Book 7, and it is really interesting to see where she would go from there. The whole dynamic of the Black sisters is just really fascinating, the way the ended up so completely different.

This is a well written and heartbreaking story.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I've edited in more details since initially posting it and tried to improve the flow, but I was a little nervous about bogging it down too much with information. I'm really glad that you think it worked well! :)

Thank you for the review!

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Review #30, by lemonpeeps An Unwelcome Visitor

28th October 2011:
So here pretty much the same thing as the last chapter.

Since there's more dialogue I think you should add more substance to the conversation. Describe the facial expressions, give tone and vocal inflections and maybe body language.

Hope this is again what you wanted!

Lemonpeeps :)

Author's Response: Yeah, I've been thinking about adding more of that in - too much dialogue without enough description is definitely a weakness of mine!

Thank you for the review! :)

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Review #31, by lemonpeeps Prologue

28th October 2011:
In general this was fairly good opening chapter. I think you could make the intro a little more exciting, try to appeal to the senses, give me something to hear, see, taste, touch, smell. Make sense? That will grab reads attention more and add to a more tangible setting.

That brings me to the next part of my review. Your descriptions of things were kind of simple. It being in third person you can illustrate much more than you have. Again appeal to the senses make the room Andromeda is in tangible, make it real.

Flow-wise I thought you did a great job I followed along just fine and there were no dangling parts!

For characterization I think that you would do well to develop the characters a little more. I can't tell if anyone is out of character because they're just not round enough. You have a wonderful start of a story it just needs to liven up. :)

Hope this was what you were looking for!

Happy writing

Author's Response: I definitely know what you mean with appealing to the senses - I've been trying to work that in, but I clearly need to try harder. :P

Thank you for the review! :)

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Review #32, by Izzymom An Unwelcome Visitor

25th October 2011:
I just found this story the other day. Andromeda and Narcissa have always been of interest to me. It's a heartbreaking story. One sister goes against all her family believes in and sides with "right" and loses everything, the other sister is neck deep in "evil" and doesn't lose anyone but her lunitic sister. How do you mend all those years of separation and differences?
I think you are doing a really fine job with this story. You have handled the nuances of a really complicated relationship very well. I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so much, and I hope that you like the next chapter just as much! :)

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Review #33, by apocalypse An Unwelcome Visitor

25th October 2011:
Hey! I'm here already! xD
Okay, can I just say I LOVE this chapter? Here's why...

Zone: I think you've improved tremendously in this area and are getting really good at writing angst! This chapter was, for me, much deeper than the first one and really showed a lot. It seems as if you're broadening out of the fluffy, rom-com area and getting into angst and tings, so CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT! :D

Characterization: Best part. Flat out, THE best part of this story. what you do with Narcissa and Andromeda (esp. Andy) is SO remarkable. You've described them in such simple intricacy that, while not furiously blatant, their individual traits and quirks and even their similarities - what makes them both sisters and Blacks - is right there for the readers to see.

Flow: Not perfect, but very good. I mean, it COULD be better and I know that you are capable of improving it, but I can't really complain.

Attraction for a reader: Good. MUCH better! I would definitely rec this! xD

Author's Response: Oh, good! I felt a bit more confident about this chapter, and I was really hoping that you would agree that it's improved! :) I'm about halfway through chapter 3, and I will definitely be bothering you for a review for it - I found your comments to be super helpful last time, and I really tried to keep them in mind while I wrote this.

Thank you so much! :)

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Review #34, by AC_rules An Unwelcome Visitor

21st October 2011:
Oh gosh, this really was so sad. I think this was even sadder than the last chapter. Andromeda's sudden hardness came through more in this chapter and the idea of everything she'd gone through sort of hit me really hard (so well done for writing in such a way that brought that across) although I do really want her to forgive Narcissa and for everyone to be happy together, I can't even imagine how difficult that must be for Andromeda. Oh, Merlin :(

Characterisation: seeing Andromeda's other side, so to speak, only made me believe in her character twice as much as I did before. You've done a wonderful job there! Molly too, was just perfect (and I love how Andromeda mentions Molly killing her sister) and Harry and Teddy - well he's a little cutie pie, isn't he?

Again I don't think I could fault anything to do with the flow - it all felt pretty smooth to me. Actually, there were a few odd lines again. A quick re-read and edit would probably sort that out.

It's definately grabbed me though! Really enjoying it so far! Adding to my favourites and definately feel free to rerequest when the next chapter is up :)


Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! And yes, I'm definitely going to go through this afternoon and try to catch any awkward lines. :)

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #35, by AC_rules Prologue

21st October 2011:
I think it might be because its now two in the morning, but this really did break my heart. I nearly cried. There's something horribly tragic about Andromeda's whole situation after everything, isn't there? This is the second Andromeda fic I've ever read and, well, they're both heart breaking.

You've got her emotions spot on here - especially with her impatiently brushing away her tears and thoes little glimpses into the past which are just so tragic that they could almost take your breath away.

There was one line that I just didn't get. It's probably me being stupid but I had no idea what you meant by this -

Despite the fact that she’d stepped on it, it hadn’t moved from its position.

Generally though the flow was really good and, given we don't know much about Andromeda I thought your characterisation of her was both believable and emotional. Oh, poor thing. Bless her heart.

This is probably going to be quite short, but I'll definately review the second chapter now :)


Author's Response: The line you were confused by was referring to the letter, but I've actually never really liked it, either - I've tried to rewrite it, and it hasn't quite worked, but I think I'm going to try again.

I'm sorry you nearly cried, but I am really glad that it affected you so strongly, and I'm so glad you thought it was good! I edited the first chapter a bit after posting it to add in some of those memories, and I'm really glad you think they fit well!

Thank you so much for the review - it was really helpful! :)

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Review #36, by EnigmaticEyes16 Prologue

19th October 2011:
Well, this is certainly and interesting start to a story, although I'm not quite sure where it is going. If I take this prologue and compare it to the lyrics literally, I'd guess that Andromeda is the one looking (or turning) away while Narcissa tries to reach out to her. Although, I did notice, because I'm picky like that, that the "well" in your lyrics at the top should actually be "while"--sorry, I had to point that out. But in any case I can't wait to read the next chapter once it is validated.

Author's Response: Whoops! Somehow I didn't notice that... my brain occasionally doesn't work. Sorry!

And yes, that's definitely the interpretation I was going with. I'm sorry if it's a little odd!

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Review #37, by Jade Sterling Prologue

19th October 2011:
Ooh, Cissy, you evil little witch! I actually could imagine Narcissa going out of the way to write that to Andromeda, I never got the impression that Narcissa was too pleased with Voldemort shacking up in her house, especially when he was trying to get Draco killed.
Interesting story, love, can't wait to read more.

Author's Response: :) Thank you! I hope you continue to like it!

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Review #38, by Remus Prologue

10th October 2011:
Hey! It is Perelandra from the forums here with your review! :D Sorry it has taken a while...I was busy at work and I got sick as well so I wasn't up to reading anything up until now.

Anyway, grammatically speaking this is perfect. The only thing I want to point out is the fact that your story is missing the "beef". You could definitely add more details to your paragraph to make it fuller and keep the reader interested. A come the letter was not delivered by owl? WAS it delivered by owl to begin with? I just ask because the letter was just there...unless Narcissa just went ahead and delivered the letter herself.

I can understand why Andromeda is angry. Thanks to Narcissa's 'friends', her husband and daughter are dead. I hope they patch things up though. I like how you mention the fact that Andromeda goes into tears when Teddy changes his color.

This chapter is short although I get that this is a prologue you have to keep the reader wanting to read more, otherwise you'll lose them before you know it. Plot wise, it is still too early to know but I'm intrigued!

Other than that, that's all I have for you and look forward to read more when you have it! :) So feel free to re-request once I'm open!

P.S. I absolutely HATE to ask you this but I saw on your review forums that you don't take crossovers, however I saw a Sailor Moon (Mars) as your icon so I wonder if I could ask for your opinion on my Sailor Moon x-over fic. If no, it is no biggie at all! :)

Author's Response: No worries! I totally understand how hectic life can get.

I was kind of worried regarding details, so I'm actually kind of glad to have you confirm that it is a bit problematic. I'll go to work on that now. Thank you! :)

And don't worry about asking! Asking is always okay, especially when it's done so nicely! As it so happens, Sailor Moon is totally my weak spot, so yes, feel free to request! (I'm really interested to see how you do a Sailor Moon/Harry Potter crossover, actually!)

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Review #39, by apocalypse Prologue

4th October 2011:
Hey, it's apocalypse from the forums, here with the promised review! :D

So, let's get cracking with your concerns then, shall we?

Zone: Well, I think you've done well with the darkness and angst and portrayed Andromeda reasonably well. Of course, it COULD be better, because I think Andromeda might be a little more bitter about a sister who basically disowned her and married a criminal who was one of the people - directly or indirectly - responsible for her husband Ted's death. HOWEVER, for an angst first-timer, it's very good! I suggest working on adding a smidgen more of angst and you'll be right up there with the best! :D

Characterization: This, I believe, is the point you've handled best in your story. Andromeda is appropriately angst-y, despairing, a doting grandmother, a sad wife and mother and, on the whole, a highly realistic character.

Narcissa, also, I like to believe was never completely evil and - much like the Weasley matriarch and as illustrated by what she did for Harry in the battle of Hogwarts - cared most about her family. If she didn't care about lying to Voldemort for her son, I doubt she'd care much about blood status when her only sane sister is going through so much turmoil. You've brought that concept out well: she's sympathetic, but not uncharacteristically so. I love that, so kudos to you on the brilliance you've pulled off with the sisters! :D

Flow: The flow is alright, but not brilliant, I think. It's not that bad and all the events connect acceptably, but it seems rather rushed in places. With a little help, it should be great, though.

Attraction for a reader: This, I'm afraid to say, requires a little hard work on your part to bring it up to par for further chapters. Though the plot line and idea is good, it just doesn't capture a reader's attention as well as a story about the Black sisters should. It is good, but needs a little something extra to make it stand out from the sea of stories in the archive. However, as this is only the prologue, I'm sure it will go uphill from here and the plot will be revealed further and get more interesting; I can't wait to read that when it happens! :)

Good luck on the story and if you need a review for chapter 2, just ask! :D


Author's Response: Oh, she's quite bitter. I wasn't quite sure how to get it across here, but she has absolutely no interest in listening to anything Narcissa says, and blames her at least in part for Ted's and especially Dora's deaths. She also resents that Narcissa didn't really lose anything, and she was on the wrong side. I've seen more tearful reconciliation and ultimate happy endings on the archive about them than really acknowledging how awful a situation Andromeda has found herself in. I'm hoping that I haven't just missed a lot of other stories like mine, and that that will make it stand out, but I guess we'll see!

Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate it.

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