Reading Reviews for Achilles Heel
  
38 Reviews Found

Review #26, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Second and Third Year

19th May 2012:
His father made to pick up the other end of his trunk, but Lily got there first. "I've got it," she said cheerfully.

^ Aw. Lily. How cute.

I like the story, seeing the interaction between the two of them is great to contrast with how they act now because this is a companion piece. I think the only thing I would say is I found it a bit boring, a bit repetitive. I know that's what you're going for (not the boring part, the repetitive thing) because it's supposed to focus solely on the train ride but then again I like that nothing really happened and it was realistic compared to what many others do for the train rides. I guess I'm half and half with this chapter.

I think my favorite character is Noah though. I have a new appreciation for him!

Author's Response: I love Lily. She's so much fun to write. I also really like the relationship (my) Lily has with (my) Scorpius - they have a nice little friendship, I think. :P

I definitely know what you mean about it being repetitive - I struggled with that a bit, and I'm still not quite sure what to do about it. :( Hmm.

I'm glad you like Noah! I love Noah. He's one of my favourite OCs, along with Van.

Thank you so much. ♥


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Review #27, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap First Year

19th May 2012:
At this point, Scorpius thought that he might just get on the train and go back home if he was Sorted into Gryffindor. From what hed seen so far, Gryffindors were a nightmare.

^ Haha. I have to agree with Scorpius. They were kind of nightmares to me too. A bit too cocky for my liking but then I remember Rose at the beginning of Curiosity and I felt the same way about her as I do now.

I never liked Narnia. I remember reading the book when I was in elementary school and being bored out of my mind. Don't get me started on the movies! Snooze, snooze, snooze. Hahaha. :D Do you go looking for Narnia in your wardrobes?

Author's Response: Oh, you didn't like Narnia?? You poor thing, you missed out on years of wardrobe and closet searching! (I totally did. I don't think I really completely let go of searching until I was about 14. :P)

Thank you so much for the review! :)


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Review #28, by Secret Santa Fourth and Fifth Year

19th December 2011:
Fourth year:

God, I couldn't keep the smile off my face while I was reading that section. I LOVED the interaction with Scorpius and the Weasley family, especially Rose. And you know what I love most about it? You can tell that it's not really that malicious or evil. It's more mockery and that's what I like about it.

I'm not overly tense while reading it and it just makes me smile. Not that it's funny or anything, but you write it so well. I could easily see them taunting each other for the next few hours and I wouldn't get bored.

Can I say that I also love how reasonable Noah is in this? He is so like the voice of reason and he's just so calm. I love him. And he balances Scorpius out well. They seem like such good friends on top of just being cousins and their relationship works well. (I also totally approve of Noah reading The Hunger Games!)

I LOVED how he led Scorpius at the end of this section with his questions and observations. He's so all-knowing but in a teenage-guy way and it just made me smile so much.

Your strength is the way you have people in character and they way they interact with people around them. You do it so effortlessly. I am jealous. :P

Fifth year
SCORPIUS AND ROSE SITTING IN A TREE K-I-S...

Yeah, okay. I won't be that immature. Especially since Scorpius is so mature in this. But, EEK INSERT FANGIRL SQUEE, he is finally in tune with his feelings. Good God, it took him long enough!

He finds her attractive. Of course he does! And now he's admitting it and, ugh, it's just so awesome. Seriously, I am sitting here like an idiot right now and just... yeah. I have to read on more because this is just so much fun to read.

Oh Gawwwd, Scorpius, denial is the last thing you want. You don't want to deny it. Give in to it! *sing song voice* You know you want to!

Okay. Wow. I had way too much fun reviewing this. And a huge part of it was that this was just so much damn fun to read! I've never reviewed as I read and it was an experience. A fun one!

I'm not too sure how much sense my reviews make (there goes my brilliant idea for using the sections for structure, ha) but hopefully you have picked up on the underlying fact that I absolutely adore this. And I kind of hate that you haven't written sixth year or seventh year because we all know what happens when people turn sixteen and seventeen. That's when the fun stuff happens! Yes, Scorpius, you are going to end up with Rose. Deal with it.

Teehee.

Please update soon!

Author's Response: The Hunger Games are absolutely amazing. I imagined Noah as being in the middle of the "oh my god, is Peeta actually going to survive the Hunger Games or not?" stage of the book, and because he doesn't understand the internet, he couldn't just google it to see what happens. :P

And oh, I've written sixth year, and some of seventh year... I'm just not posting it until I finish posting Curiosity is not a Sin. :P

I'm really glad that you enjoy the dynamic between Scorpius and the Weasley/Potter clan... I was definitely trying to avoid the deep hatred that seems to run rampant in a lot of next-gen stories, because it's just so silly and ridiculous to me!

Thank you so much for your reviews. I'm sick today, and they are really cheering me up and making me feel less awful. :)


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Review #29, by Secret Santa First Year

19th December 2011:
Why, hello, there. I hope you're not getting sick of these treats because I have a long way to go. Ha. I'm sure you're not complaining. Here is your third treat, enjoy!

I'm going to split this review up into the respective 'sections'. Make it easier for me to get my thoughts in order and you won't have to deal with rambling on about nothing and everything.

First year:
Again with your characterisation. It's like Handprint. You don't give us massive chunks of text about everyone but you just dive in. I wish I could do that. It takes so much confidence and I love it. It's like when I'm reading it that I'm not being spoonfed and I like that. I like being able to conjure up my own pictures in my head while I read and you definitely had me doing that in this.

However (and I'm cringing as I write this because I hate writing these bits) I will say that you could add in a bit of description. Not much, just a little bit. It seemed a lot like the conversation was driving the story. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that since the conversation was interesting, in character and enjoyable. But you have to be careful that your stories aren't just lines of dialogue and nothing else. This is from Scorpius's POV (well in third person over his shoulder) so maybe you could add in a bit about what Scorpius is thinking? Don't get me wrong, it's not like your story is lacking description and is horrible because I swear, it's not! I haven't even read the second section yet and I already love it. I just think you could do with a bit more description. The easiest way to see what I mean is crack open a HP book. Find a few pages with lots of conversation and you will see how JKR manages to put in enough description so that the reader is not overwhelmed but still knows what's going on. It takes practice but I am absolutely sure you will get there because you are so good at everything else!

Second year:
Awww, how cute. Scorpius hates Rose Weasley and thinks she's infuriating. Oh, the perils of being twelve and having to deal with the opposite sex. :P That is so sweet! You really have the age down pat, you know that? I don't know how old you are, but it is so in character. The dialogue, the gestures. Everything. And everyone. It's just awesome.

Now, I think I have worked out what you need to do with your description. See, you're pretty damn awesome at it in the prose parts of your stories. But you just need to put in a few more lines during the dialogue bits and you're all set! Seriously, just add in a few lines about what Scorpius is thinking or doing and you'll be fine. Because you're so good at the bits without dialogue - so just kind of think of it as interspersing the dialogue with the non-dialogue bits... if that makes sense. It probably doesn't.

I just don't want you to be disheartened because your writing is so good and it's such a minor thing. It's like that tiny little spot that you have missed when you're washing a window and once you get rid of it, it's perfect. It's not that noticeable but at the moment, it is just a tiny bit shy of perfection.

Because everything else is so good. I love how good friends everyone is! You can really tell with the way they talk and interact with each other.

Third year
Oh, Scorpius, you do not hate her. Well. Maybe you do. But that will change once you get older. Gosh, I love this. You are so clever with how each section is them on the train. It's lovely to see how their relationship progresses and it keeps things interesting.

You are so brave. You don't have a lot of plot in the middle (i.e. the rest of the school year) to work of, so you just have to kind of jump in and write and hope the reader knows where you're going without a lot of context.

The reader does, by the way. :)

Your description in the dialogue parts of this was spot-on, by the way. You can kind of ignore everything I've already said about it. God, that makes this review kind of pointless. Dum dee dum. I'm sorry!

Scorpius, as if you don't find her attractive! What happened to her being like a porcelain doll? Please. I don't believe it for one second. Silly boy. He so likes her. It's so obvious. Hee.

I love these types of stories. You have turned a love-hate relationship plot on its head because it is not cliche at all. And I think it's because of the fact that you have it on the train every year and it's just so original and and and...

I love it. And I have to read the next chapter!

:)

Author's Response: Oh, no worries - I'm not disheartened at all. I know that this is probably one of the weakest chapters I've posted, and while I've tried to edit it, I haven't really sat down yet and really given it a thorough going-through. I need to at some point, but I always seem to be doing something else.

This is an example of what my stories looked like before I really put a lot of effort into improving my description. There just wasn't quite enough, and that was a problem.

I'm really glad you like Scorpius here. I really enjoy my Scorpius, too, even if this particular chapter is not an example of my best writing ever. I'm especially glad that you don't think that he's cliche, because I definitely didn't want him to turn out that way!

Thank you so much for your review. You're lovely. :)


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Review #30, by Sara Fourth and Fifth Year

3rd December 2011:
Awesome story please continue :)

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! :)

I'll be posting about their sixth year as soon as I finish Curiosity is not a Sin. :)


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Review #31, by Allison Fourth and Fifth Year

18th November 2011:
I was so excited to see that you have a prequel! Yay! I like that it's from Scorpius's point of view. It gives some nice insight into his character and it's very interesting to see Rose from his perspective.

Favorite line was definitely, "Unfortunately, there wasnt a good way to put Im so attracted to your cousin who I also kind of hate that I need to go home and scrub my mind out with soap."

Ha ha, poor Scorpius! Is there going to be more to this, or is this it for this story?

Author's Response: Oh, I'm really glad you liked it! :) Thank you for the review!

I have their sixth year written and their seventh year partially written, but I need to wait until Curiosity is not a Sin to post it, since it's a bit of a spoiler. ;)


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Review #32, by ravenclawriot Fourth and Fifth Year

28th October 2011:
"Unfortunately, there wasn't a good way to put 'I'm so attracted to your cousin who I also kind of hate that I need to go home and scrub my mind out with soap.'"

That made me laugh so hard! I'm excited for the next chapter.

Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad someone besides me loved that line! :)

Thank you for the review! I'm going to finish posting Curiosity is not a Sin before I post the chapter about their 6th year, because it's kind of a spoiler for the ending of Curiosity. :P


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Review #33, by Christiana First Year

28th October 2011:
great next please. The characters are well written and I live it

Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much! Next chapter is in the queue, and should hopefully be validated some time today. :)

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Review #34, by ginerva_molly_weasley First Year

23rd October 2011:
And again wow.
I love your work. I think I am going to have to go through and literally read all of it.

And we share the same Rose/Scorpius obsession :D I'm intrigued as to how scorpius is going to realise he likes Rose though. I may have to just keep reading ;)

But honestly well done

GinevraMollyPotter

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying this and my other stories! :) That makes me smile! (A lot!)

I'll slap the next chapter up as soon as the queue is short enough. (Ugh, darn queue.) :)

Thank you!


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Review #35, by imaginary lines First Year

25th September 2011:
imaginary lines here with your requested review!

i love the story. i really really do. i think that the encounters are believable. the witty comments thrown back and forth help, and it was rather interesting seeing how the two met and how they immediately started to dislike each other.

i thought it defiantly could go into more detail about each ride, and there could also be more description of the summer and their interactions. but of course i still love albus and how he's always trying to make peace and noah and how noah is completely indifferent about rose.

very enjoyable (:

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :)

I see what you mean about more detail for each ride. I might go through and edit it to add more... though who knows when I'll have the space to put it into the queue again, haha. (So much stuff just waiting to go up... argh.)

Thank you again, so so much, for the review. :)


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Review #36, by Illuminate First Year

21st September 2011:
Hi! Here for review tag :) I think I'll break this down by the years you portray:

First:

I like how you've portrayed the characters here. I like how Rose takes after her mother, and Albus is very much like the Albus we meet in the Epilogue of DH. I also like how James takes after his grandfather (the way he spoke about Houses were almost identical to what James the first said to Snape/Lily). Also, I like Scorpius and Noah, though I think it might be a little unlikely for Noah- a pureblood from a Slytherin, Death Eater family- to own a Muggle book. Overall, good.

Second:
Draco, Harry and Ginny sharing pleasantries? Very interesting xD And I really like the bitterness between Scorpius and Rose, although it sounds like perhaps James and Rose judge him because of his family- it makes for good drama, and good character development. I wish you would show more than just the ride on the Hogwarts Express though, it doesn't help the flow.

Third:
You repeat the "better people to talk to" line, unless of course it's something that they both commonly use against each other :) I just love how he's beginning to fancy her, but doesn't realise it yet. It's great development, and I like how they weren't fancying each other from afar from their first year; it's more realistic this way:)

Overall, I really like the beginning to this story :) You can see them maturing and I really enjoyed it. Good job!

Author's Response: :) Hey, you!

Yeah, I decided that I wasn't a fan of the "Draco is still a terrible person who hasn't learned anything" or "Everyone still carries grudges from their school years." That just didn't seem realistic to me. In my next-gen universe, Draco has matured significantly since discovering that no, he really wasn't okay with torturing people and watching his classmates get murdered. There's a conversation or two about Draco and Nott's change in characters in Curiosity is not a sin.

Which probably isn't very helpful for people who haven't read it. Maybe I'll edit in a conversation with Albus about it to this.

Thank you! :)


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Review #37, by adluvshp First Year

19th September 2011:
hey there!

(Okay this is not a formal review requested by you - I am doing this for the Review tag - so it is not gonna be awesome and detailed like many others plus I'm short of time).

Let me say, this was a very entertaining read. I really liked it. I think Scorpius is quite in-character (as I imagine him anyway). Your descriptions are good and I like the flow and the plot-idea. Over all, this was a good read though it could do with some edits here and there.

I would give this a 9/10

Cheers!
AD

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

Now that the queue is so short, I'm thinking I might go through and edit a bit. We'll see. I have so many things to put in for validation, haha. :P


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Review #38, by EarthsTrueGreen First Year

9th September 2011:
First of all I really love the title of your story. Its really cute. Second I really enjoy your writing style. It reads like writing is very natural for you and it flows very well. I like that you ony have this chapter going up to their third year because it is giving a very nice foundation for a background story. Please do continue this story. It looks like it could turn into something very very very good with a certain sinse of humor in it. Hope that you update soon :)

Author's Response: Thank you! :) It's actually the prequel to Curiosity is not a sin. I'm editing the fourth and fifth year right now! :)

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