Reading Reviews for At Great Personal Risk
  
126 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Moonyxluna The Headmaster's Office

27th February 2012:
I loved your Dumbledore. I find him very difficult to get his personallity when writing him, but I think you did well. A great balance of wisdom and humor :)

It's great to see Lily is trying to help the good side! Just like Sev :) I seriously don't want to think in a few chapters about what's going to happen to Severus and Narcissa! Even though I know it has to "/ Brilliant chapter :) continuing now!

Author's Response: It's awesome to hear that you liked my Dumbledore. I really didn't feel confident about him when I posted this, though I tried my best :)

It is sad to think about, isn't it? But I was happy to see Lily make that turn for the good, like Severus did. I wanted to give her the moment that he never had, the one we didn't really get to see directly in canon (just in flashbacks). I'm glad you're rooting for her!

Thanks for another kind review!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #27, by Moonyxluna The Recruitment

27th February 2012:
I loved all of the detail in the beginning of this chapter. The way you wrote about Lily getting into Grimmauld place was truly beautiful. I wonder what Bellatrix would think about Lily becoming so close to Voldemort :p

I liked your portrail of Voldemort here, you wrote him very well. Even though Sirius brought Lily to him in the first place, he still insulted him every chance he could. I like how she's taking the place of Snape, and I can't wait to read what you have planned for if she tries to save him.

Author's Response: It is interesting to think about Bella's reaction, isn't it? I think I tied a little of her up in Lily here, given that Voldemort clearly separates her from the other Death Eaters, but I didn't give her that edge of madness, but instead made her distant. I'm glad you liked my security measures!

Yes, that's it, a combination of Bellatrix and Snape, two of Voldemort's most trusted. I'm glad that you liked Voldemort, because he was super hard to write. (I feel like a lot of authors struggle with him and Dumbledore, me included.) And poor Sirius! He tries too hard.

Thanks for another very kind review!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #28, by Moonyxluna On Fire

27th February 2012:
heartbreaking. the end of Lily and Sev's friendship was so sad! I like that you chose to do it a little differently, although if I think about canon, I could see Lily asking Sev to come to her and James' wedding. So excellent work, it's all so wonderfully believable.

I did love the inclusion of the "love is friendship set on fire". usually the addition of quotes (for me personally) takes away from the story, but I think this fit so well here.

The initation ceremony was really neat :)
I'm so torn. I really love seeing Severus happy, but I just wish it was with Lily! Again I loved Sirius here, I think you've written his character so well. Great work! on to the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Hey! Sorry these responses have taken so long; midterms were last week and they sort of ate my brain. Better late than never, right? :)

I'm very pleased that you liked the quote; this scene, and that little bit at the beginning that involved the quote, was one of the very first pieces of the plunny that came to me. I thought it would be a nice little change-up there in the middle, and I'm glad you thought so, too. It is very sad to see them part ways. I'm happy that you liked how I did things a little differently and that it made sense to you.

It was fun writing the initiation ceremony. I'd always kind of wondered what it was like to be formally invited to join the Order, and I guess this is what I came up with :)

It's good that you're torn -- that's what I was hoping readers would feel, because I felt a little of that. I'm glad that you still like Sirius, as cruel and heartless as he can be.

Thanks for another lovely review! :)

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #29, by Moonyxluna Unattainable

24th February 2012:
Awwh.. Poor Lily "/ Pinning after Severus. I really like what you've done with Sirius, his personallity is just so different it's so intersting to read. I like how your showing her 'decent' into the Dark Arts with asking Sev to get her books, and Sirius inviting her to join Voldemort, I really love the plot here :)

It's cool how Frank sort of took James' spot, and Severus sort of got a mix of James and Remus. This is such a brilliant idea, I really love this story so far :) Great work!

Author's Response: Poor Lily indeed -- I wanted to generate a good mix of pity and disdain for her, in order to try to approximate what I think JKR wanted to do with Severus in canon. It was tough for me to get her to fit into this mold, though, considering how warm and positive she seemed to be in canon. I'm happy that you liked how I showed her getting into the Dark Arts and how Sirius is a catalyst for all that.

Your reviews have been wonderful, especially since they were "random", which are the kind of reviews I love best. I really appreciate you taking the time to read the story and comment as you go. I'm so excited to see what you think of the plot to come -- I look forward to reading those reviews, and I sincerely hope that you enjoy it! :)

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #30, by Moonyxluna Natural Talents

24th February 2012:
Sirius' personallity is a really intersting take on his character, sort of the exact opposite he is in the books.
Severus seems to fit right into Ravenclaw! It's so nice to see him so happy. And I liked that you still kept him good at potions as well :) It seems as if Lily is thinking about Severus a lot, it's just so adorable. Great work! All of the effort you put into this really shows through your attention to detail with the way you write. Amazing chapter!

Author's Response: Definitely! I like to think that I've characterized him as he might have been if his parents had succeeded in exerting their dark influence on him. His personality seemed a bit more forceful than Regulus's, at least in my mind, and I think that combined with Voldemort could be scary!

I don't think I can separate Potions from Severus in my mind, haha :) She definitely is thinking about him a lot and I'm glad that came across in all of the details here.

Thanks for yet another lovely review! :)

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #31, by Moonyxluna The First Years' First Test

24th February 2012:
I really loved the personallites shown in Lily and Sev on the train ride, she seems so snippy towards him, but the Sorting Hat didn't lie when it said she was loyal to her friends :)

and then wow... such intersting sorting :) Pureblood-Lily in Hufflepuff; with the way her parents seem to be towards her I hope she doesn't get disowned! Sev and James are in the same house as well! The red haired twins, were those the Prewett boys?

Intersting how Remus and Peter stayed in Gryffindor, as well as Sirius going to Slytherin. I think you've got a lot of intersting things set up for future chapters, and I'm very drawn to this story for all of the wonderful details you've brought to play here.

Brilliant work on this. Stupid RL I can't read more 'till tomorrow! Great chapter!

Author's Response: She definitely is snippy, largely because of her upbringing and tendency to keep to herself, but this is a role reversal, so I made sure that she cared about him from the start (as he seemed to care for her from the start in canon).

You are correct, those are the Prewett boys! Good catch. It's great that you liked my sorting. Some people found my choices odd, but I'm pretty tired of the Gryffindor-Slytherin rivalry and wanted to do something different. By the way, that's not James -- if you remember from the first chapter, he's actually a Muggle in this story and makes only the briefest of appearances. The boy I was referring to is actually Frank Longbottom.

Thanks for another kind review! :)

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #32, by Moonyxluna A Little Bit of Chemistry

24th February 2012:
Great chapter :) I thought it was neat how you had Lily in robes and Sev in muggle clothes, with the role reversal. I like how he immedetly noticed her eyes.

God just, Sev having just a wonderful, loving mother figure just makes me so happy. I liked the bit of chemistry (chapter title.. i know :p) between Sev and Lily right away, it was very cute. Brilliant work with this!

I was going to ask in my review last chapter how many people didn't read the summary and corrected your details/characters in reviews, so I laughed a little when I saw you had mentioned it here :p

Great work :)

Author's Response: Yep, I love the way Lily is always associated with her eyes. I'm glad that you found their little first meeting cute and liked the interaction between them, however brief.

I did get an oddball comment or two from people who clearly hadn't read the summary. Evidently people get very defensive about Sirius turning out to be a Death Eater! Haha. I'm glad you approve of my creative license and actually bothered to read the summary :)

Thanks for another kind review!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #33, by Moonyxluna Two Owls

24th February 2012:
This was such a fantastic start. I really enjoyed the part about the owls flying together, and seeing Severus in such a happy family setting just made my heart melt.

This is such an intersting idea, and they way you set the stage for James, Lily, and Snape with their personallites and family structures was very well written. Great chapter one!

Author's Response: Thanks! I agree, it's about time Severus got a small taste of a normal, happy life at home. I'm really happy that you like the changes I made with Snape, Lily and James in this chapter and that you find the idea fresh and original.

Thanks for your kind review :)

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #34, by SiriuslyPeeved Natural Talents

21st February 2012:
In my opinion, Lily might be a little young at eleven for full make-up, but this is certainly a choice a character might make when she is trying to change her image upon arrival in a new place. (plus it's the 70s and I'm sure that look was 'in')

Sirius in Slytherin, too? Fun! (I suspect this Sirius had a rather happier childhood than his canon companion :( )

Oh, I made a mistake in an earlier review -- I assumed the apothecary was Professor Slughorn's AU double. Oops!

This story is such fun, I'll be going along and reviewing as I have time :)

Author's Response: Oh, I totally agree with you. You nailed it on the head, though -- she's trying to be bigger and badder than she really is, as a survival mechanism. Unfortunately, this behavior doesn't always attract the most savory sorts of people, as we can see here with Sirius's introduction. (And yes, if you consider his parents not wanting to throw him out happy!)

Yes, I didn't respond to that bit once I saw this review. Slug and Jiggers are actually canon, I believe, as the real owners of the Apothecary.

Thanks so much for another lovely review!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #35, by SiriuslyPeeved The First Years' First Test

21st February 2012:
Interesting choices for the sorting! You've painted such vivid scenes of King's Cross and the Great Hall, I think that's my favorite part of the story so far. You've used just enough detail to make it come to life. It's tricky to come up with that sense of "reality" in an AU where the circumstances are so radically different than readers are accustomed to -- nice job.

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like the detail. It's great to hear that it works for readers even though it's AU. I certainly had fun twisting things around and playing with details we know from canon.

Thanks for another kind review! :)

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #36, by SiriuslyPeeved A Little Bit of Chemistry

21st February 2012:
The descriptions are so clear, I loved your scene setting for Diagon Alley. The Snape family are reminding me of the Weasleys, I wonder if this is intentional. :)

(I like the alternate fate for Slughorn as an apothecary, I wonder how he got there in your AU... you certainly don't have to answer, I'm just curious!)

Author's Response: You're so sweet for coming by to check this out! Actually, no, that wasn't intentional, but I can see the similarities -- Eileen is certainly more motherly here than we remember from canon.

Thanks so much for your kind review! :)

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #37, by SiriuslyPeeved Two Owls

19th February 2012:
I'm so intrigued by the flips & twists you've put into this AU! Lily as a full-blood with prejudiced parents and James as a Muggle, and Severus as a loved and cherished child! So much potential. I am a huge Snape/Lily fan as well as an AU fan, so I'm excited to dive in. Great beginning.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I did try to mix things up a bit in this piece, and the twists keep hitting even in the later chapters. I tried to keep it interesting :)

Thanks for your kind review, and I do hope you read on and enjoy the rest of the story! It's always lovely to meet a fellow Snily fan!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #38, by Roots in Water The Silver Doe

2nd January 2012:
I didn't expect that ending and I certainly didn't expect the pregnancy, though I did like it. I thought that the story would end on a sadder note, especially because of how the last chapter finished. However, I do always enjoy a happy ending and I think that the ending you gave is pretty much the only possible realistic and believable happy ending possible. There was no way that they could have stayed in England, not after Voldemort had discovered that Lily was a traitor as well as Severus' home.

There was a very interesting parallel between their new life now and the life Lily would have had with James. She's pregnant and she's living under the Fidelius Charm- I do wonder what it will be like for the child to live in secret. How will they attend school? Have friends?

On a side note, I didn't realize that Lily had been the one to kill Sirius- I thought that it was Severus.

I think that you've done a great job of resolving the main conflict of the story (Severus and Lily have a more than satisfactory relationship) and you've left us with a sense of hope for a brighter future. I do wonder about Lily's thoughts to having a death on her conscience, especially one who was almost her friend, and if they will ever regret leaving the war behind. I don't think that they will ever return to fight, though. They've probably learned their lesson and will want to keep their child as safe as possible.

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this story and I think that you did an excellent job with it.

Author's Response: Oh my, I'm tickled pink! I struggled so much with the ending for this story. I wanted to give them the happy ending I always thought they deserved, but at the same time, I wanted to make sure to keep things realistic. It seems like every Snily I read either has them tragically separated or in a flawless relationship, and I don't like either one. I wanted this to be different, and you thought it was, and you LIKED it, and... oh. Oh my.

The ending does leave a lot of 'what ifs', yes. I did that on purpose... I wanted to give the reader's imagination a chance to finish the tale. Does the child change its name and appearance? Do they pretend to be Muggles? Do they run a juice business out of their home? There are a million possibilities, and yes, a million fears. They'll never really be safe, but at least they're somewhat happy. Lily's not made of stone, and she probably does have some regrets. But I wanted her to break away from the pain of her life as it had been and get to experience something nice for once, and that requires a sacrifice or two.

Oh, yes, sorry if that one point was confusing: Severus was indeed the one to kill Sirius, but since he and Lily are traveling together, I meant that Voldemort would associate his crimes with her, and would surely wreak his vengeance upon them both if he caught them.

Thanks again for all your wonderful reviews!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #39, by Roots in Water The Damaged Flowers

2nd January 2012:
This was another great chapter. I knew that something would have to happen but I didn't expect an ambush by the Death Eaters... I think that you led up to the ambush beautifully- the image of the crushed pansies was so striking because only a few chapters ago Lily had said that they were the only well-kept thing about the house.

And Severus killed Sirius! I don't know quite how to feel about that- I know he was one of the bad guys in this story but he still seemed to genuinely feel something for Lily (though it might not have been purely love). The lines "Good. That'll make this easier then.", coupled with the slight frown on his face, made it seem as though he was hiding his pain behind a mask.

The ending to this chapter was slightly heart-breaking. They'd just gotten back into the swing of things, becoming good friends (and then some), and then this happened. I do hope that Severus somehow finds it in himself to trust Lily, because I know that she didn't know about the ambush. She couldn't have.

I look forward to seeing how you finish this story in the next chapter! Hopefully everything will be resolved and Severus and Lily will at least be friends.

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like my imagery. I work really hard to fit it in wherever I can and make it powerful, and it's always wonderful to see a reader who picks up on those details and appreciates them.

You got it! He's not soulless, like Voldemort, and I think it's important to recognize that. I wrote him from the mindset that he was powerful within Voldemort's ranks and saw Lily as a perfect match for him because of her prowess and isolation from the others. Therefore, he would be quite disappointed to see another man win her heart, let alone someone whom he views as inferior.

No, she didn't, but poor Lily is accustomed to tragedy, unfortunately. I couldn't give her a happy ending in good conscience... at least not in this chapter ;)

Thanks for another kind review!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #40, by Roots in Water Meeting Agendas

2nd January 2012:
I really enjoyed this chapter. It was very interesting to see the Order meetings from the point of view of someone who is not trusted. It was sad, because you could see that she was not well liked, perhaps just barely tolerated, and yet she was the one who had to give the worst news to the members of the Order- that they were next, that they were the ones being hunted.

I enjoyed the little mentions of the history of the characters because it helped to root the characters and define their differences from canon. I found it interesting that Andromeda wasn't that different from the character we know of in the books- she was still on the good side of the war, still considered to be a blood traitor. It was interesting and telling that Lily respected her- a woman who has, at the surface at least, found her path in life and is content with it.

And finally- they kissed! They kissed! I wasn't expecting them to kiss just yet- it seemed a little soon, and yet I can understand why they did so. They are living in a war, where every day could be their last. I particularly enjoyed the way you followed the tea cups as they fell and broke. It was very interesting and it gave some brilliant imagery to the scene- and there's probably a metaphor in there somewhere, if I take the time to think about it.

I think that this was another great chapter and I'm very interested to find out what happens when Voldemort learns of her betrayal- because he will. She can't hide forever.

Author's Response: Yep, you nailed it on the head! That's how I always envisioned that it was for Severus in canon, which is probably why he never hung around for meals or socializing and always ducked out at the first possible moment. It's kind of sad when you think about it, but then again, I'm sure he had business to attend to.

I like Andromeda's character, and I didn't see a huge need to change her, but I did want Lily to see her as the kind of brave, selfless woman that she'd always wanted to become.

Yes, wasn't it Molly Weasley who said something to the effect that in wartime, lots of people got married just because they didn't know how long they had left, and that it was okay for her and Arthur because they knew they were in love anyway, so why wait? I liked using the teacups as a metaphor, and I'm glad you liked it too, because I don't think anyone else has mentioned it to date.

Yes, he will, unfortunately :( Stay tuned!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #41, by Roots in Water A Long Journey Home

2nd January 2012:
It's been such a long time since I've last read this story, but it's just as good as ever.

I found the change in Severus really interesting. Lily described him as a shell of what he once was, an apt description since war can have an insanely damaging effect on a person. Though I hadn't liked Narcissa much in this story (a side effect of having Lily be the narrator), I felt very sad and sympathetic for poor Severus. He had very little time with her before she was killed... And killed defending her husband. He must still feel very guilty about that. As well, I found Lily's sympathy for Severus very interesting. Even though she didn't like Narcissa, she was sorry that Severus had had to suffer through a loss such as that- it helped to bring out a softer, more human side to her and generate sympathy from the readers.

I also found Dumbledore's actions very interesting. I think that you did a good job characterizing him- he wouldn't be soft and happy with students who have disappointed. When he used his gift of knowing more things about a person than most would think possible to taunt Lily, I saw a side of Dumbledore very suited to war- he knows that lives are hanging in the balance and he can't afford to be overly kind. I still found it interesting that he would ask Lily to betray the names of her fellow Death Eaters as well as prospective ones because it's not the impression that I had of him in the books, but I do understand that it was a good way to gain an edge in the war as well as test Lily's willingness to change sides.

You're doing a great job of continuing the story in such a manner that doesn't feel either rushed or deathly slow. I look forward to reading the next chapter!

Author's Response: You're so sweet to have returned! :)

You said it well -- though my main focus was to generate sympathy for Severus and Lily, I do feel a twinge of pity for Narcissa. I tried to make her a parallel of James here in that she died defending the person she loved, showing a different side than the one we saw when she was a student and a bully. I think it mirrors her canon life as well, since her husband's affiliation negatively affected her and she obviously held a lot of love for her family. I did try to create multi-dimensional main characters here, and it seems like that worked for you, which is wonderful to hear.

You make a good point about Dumbledore, as I saw no sign of him demanding that Severus give him the names of other Death Eaters in canon so that he could systematically hunt them down. It's interesting to me how he interacts with whoever is in that role, be it Severus or Lily. It's a bit like a cat playing with a mouse, never taking too much but always taking a little bit for his own gain. However, as you said, these actions are necessary for Lily to gain his trust here.

To hear that the pacing is satisfactory for you allays a number of my fears. Thanks for another very kind review! :)

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #42, by alias093001 The Silver Doe

18th December 2011:
I'm almost rather curious as to how Lily was able to hide from the Death Eaters along with Severus. I wish that would have been explained a little further. Other than that however, the ending was something along the lines of what I expected.

Author's Response: Well, that's a valid point, one that has been made to me by other reviewers as well. I guess I was coming at it from the angle that there is much left to the unknown in a war-themed story, and that maybe the reader would want to have some things to imagine on his or her own. It's interesting that you expected the ending; others have said that they expected something awful to happen, or at least for the two of them to not work out. However, maybe my bias came through for you :)

Thanks for all of your great reviews!

academica


 Report Review

Review #43, by alias093001 The Damaged Flowers

18th December 2011:
Lily probably should have been a little more careful when visiting Severus. If she had been, this wouldn't have happened.

Author's Response: Well, perhaps, but there was only so much she could do. Voldemort would have known that she was in contact with him; it's just the content of their meetings that he wasn't aware of initially. Besides, people in love get carried away easily.

Thanks for your kind review!

academica


 Report Review

Review #44, by Houlestar The Silver Doe

10th December 2011:
Interesting ending. I think that you should have included the reconciliation because this chapter really feels disjointed from the rest. It also would have been good to show how they get to America, since it all feels really rushed right now, and kind of out of the blue.
Overall, it's been a really good story, with lots of interesting bits, but I think that it could have definitely been fleshed out to make a really good whole. Still, good stuff in here.
Thanks!
-Houlestar

Author's Response: I'm sorry you find the chapter disjointed, though at least you think it was interesting. I did write this with the intention that the reader would feel that everything isn't quite resolved, and maybe that came across as things being rushed. This is simply the direction that my muse took me in at the point at which I was writing this story.

Thanks for all of your awesome reviews! I appreciate you taking the time to read the whole story.

academica


 Report Review

Review #45, by Houlestar The Damaged Flowers

10th December 2011:
Nice... This is getting really intense. I'm excited to see how this all plays out.
-Houlestar

Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed this one! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #46, by Houlestar Meeting Agendas

10th December 2011:
Woohoo! Finally. This is going good. I like your take on Eileen/Tobias. This'll just be a quick review because I want to read more!
-Houlestar

Author's Response: Glad you liked this chapter! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #47, by Houlestar A Long Journey Home

10th December 2011:
This was a nice reunion, though not what I'd picture with the typical Lily-Snape personalities back in place, but a definitely a good depiction of it.
Nice Narcissa twist there... though you should have shown it... but I understand why you didn't. Maybe if you ever went back and decided to put more meat into it, it'd be nice to see it there.
-Houlestar

Author's Response: I didn't want to show it because I thought it was more powerful here for Severus to just recall it, so that Lily could really see the pain he felt. I am glad you liked the reunion, and I'm curious as to what you would have written for them.

Thanks for another great review! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #48, by Houlestar The Headmaster's Office

10th December 2011:
Hmm... Dumbledore's a really tough character to write. I don't think you quite hit the nail on the head with this one, but it's close enough so that it doesn't feel too jarring. (There are some stories where he just feels so OOC it's painful... not the case here though).
I like the last line. That was very good. Tehee.
As to comments in my previous reviews, 1) yes, the grammatical errors are punctuation/capitalization/etc. surrounding dialogue. It's not that big of a deal, but it'd make the story feel much more polished if that was taken care of. Of course, it's up to you. 2) When I said Severus felt weak, I meant that the transference of Lily onto him was weak. He feels like a very hollow character, now, without much motivation or real development. Perhaps it's because you've spent so much time with Lily, but I think that Severus's-Lily personality could definitely be strengthened so if feels more real.
-Houlestar

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked what I did with Dumbledore, though I kind of wonder what you think was missing. (I'm not saying my depiction was perfect, far from it. I'm just curious.)

Thanks for clarifying your comments from the previous reviews. I may go back and change it at some point in the future when I'm not working on other material. I probably won't worry about it too much, since it doesn't seem to bother too many readers. As for Severus, not a bad point there either. I guess I was in the canon mindset, where we know little about Lily and much, much more about Severus. However, since both are living in this story, perhaps I could have fleshed that out more. If I write more Snily, I'll make sure to do that.

Thanks! I always appreciate constructive criticism.

academica


 Report Review

Review #49, by Houlestar The Recruitment

9th December 2011:
This chapter was brilliant. I loved how you set up the scene. The description was excellent. (Mrs Black is a dear, as always). The meeting had the right pacing (which is really hard to get right). Another successful chapter.
I can't wait to read what happens next. The plot is thickening.
-Houlestar

Author's Response: Thanks! This, like the initiation ceremonies, was fun to write. I think I kind of painted a little of Bellatrix's personality onto Sirius's mother, while still trying to keep her a bit prudish and traditional. I'm also glad I got the pacing of the meeting right - you're correct, it can be hard!

Thanks for all of your kind reviews! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #50, by Houlestar On Fire

9th December 2011:
This chapter was excellent. I loved your version of the Mudblood incident. It worked really well. I loved the contrast between the two initiation ceremonies, very nice touch. Still too much summary for my liking (but that's just because I want to read more of this because it is awesome). I really like what you've done with Lily. Nice transference of Snape's personality onto her. I think that Severus is a little weaker, but it's still good writing.
I've noticed a lot of errors relating to the punctuation of dialogue (which doesn't detract from the story, but would be really nice to fix up to make the fic completely awesome.)
Overall this story is kicking butt.
-Houlestar

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked how I switched around the Mudblood stuff and how I wrote the initiation ceremonies. It's been fun to think about what it would be like to be initiated in either group. I feel bad for Lily, but it's also been interesting to write her because I like angst. I'm sorry you saw Severus as weak - I suppose I was trying to contrast his goodness with the pain that dominates Lily's personality.

Again, I wish you had been a bit more specific about what errors you noticed. If you're talking about using periods instead of commas to conclude dialogue, that was brought to my attention at one point, and so I remember to change it in some stories and not in others. If there's something else, though, I'm not sure what you mean. Whatever the case, I'm glad it doesn't take away too much from the story.

Thanks for another great review! :)

academica


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>