Reading Reviews for The Waitress
  
115 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Pixileanin A Table for One

30th December 2011:
The quiet acceptance these two have of each other is really well done. Too tired to argue and too desperate for normalcy... if either of them ever had that to begin with. I like how you allowed Sirius to be distracted by Lucy's condition, just briefly enough to let us know that he is aware of it, but not so much that he can't see who she used to be. I love that you highlight Lucy's need to escape her reality and Sirius' desire to relive what might have been the better part of his past.

Author's Response: Yes, the emotion got through. So far I'm not considering this story a failure, hah :) You've described it perfectly -- they're just tired. They're too old to bicker the way they did as teenagers, so they neither finish fighting nor really make up. They just kind of exist together.

Thanks!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #27, by Pixileanin The Truth Revealed

30th December 2011:
This was a very realistic confrontation between two people who have a lot to be angry about, but are so worn down by the world around them. Sirius has probably been waiting years to throw something at Lucy and this was definitely his chance to do that. Though you had me worried with the missing knife there at the beginning. I'm glad that was just a misdirect, or things might have gotten a bit messy. Whew!

You do a wonderful job with the small reveals of the backstory. Just enough to move it forward. Well done. And now I want to know why Lucy feels that her life has spiraled out of control. I mean, I know some, but I want her to explain it to me. And I'd also feel better if that knife showed up in the sink...

Author's Response: Oh, realistic! My favorite word to hear. Hooray. I've seen so many overdramatic fights in fanfiction that I really wanted to make this one seem like a realistic interaction between two ex-lovers who had fallen out rather heavily with one another.

You'll be hearing more from Lucy and not so much from the unnamed third-person narrator, don't worry. Particularly as the story winds to a close, she begins to fall apart a little more readily, having realized how difficult it is to attempt a normal life with the (first) man she left behind, and she'll be more willing to really tell Sirius how she feels.

Never fear, no stabbings to come! Though I don't think I remembered to properly resolve that little misdirect. Oops.

Thanks again!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #28, by Pixileanin The Photograph

30th December 2011:
You highlighted the relationship between Sirius and Remus nicely here. They have an easy way with each other, even during the worst of times. It's good that they get a bit of strength from each other here too. I suppose that with the reveal of Rachael's true identity, he might also realize why she was so willing to take him in. Interesting...

Author's Response: I really enjoyed writing this chapter, because I do like the Sirius/Remus friendship dynamic. They kind of have to draw strength from one another, since Peter is a traitor and James is gone and they're the only two of the bunch left. It kind of makes you wonder if they were always that close or if they were simply brought closer together by the tragedies they experienced. Hmm.

Thanks for another kind review!

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #29, by Pixileanin Favors

30th December 2011:
Ah, yes. You have put a fancy twist on the whole stalker-like feel of Sirius Black that we get from the movie. The strange, smelly man who wants to come into your home, eat your food, wear the clothes that you pick out for him and then, when no one is around, he... redecorates your flat.

And she accepts it. I like it for the sheer absurdity of the scenario. But then, we the readers, or at least those of us who paid attention at the beginning, remember that Rachael knows who he is and that he's not the total stranger he seems to be. Funny how they seem to redecorate each other. He does her flat and she gets him clothes. Again, you have thrown in these parallels that I enjoy so much. And I particularly like the end, where he goes off to presumably do some real stalking...

Author's Response: God, he was a bit of a stalker, wasn't he? I remember reading PoA for the first time where he came in and slashed Ron's curtains looking for Peter and it was a teensy bit frightening.

That's an interesting way of looking at it -- they redecorate each other. He tries to make her house into more of a home, the only thing he can think of to do for her in his limited means, and she tries to make him into a presentable, clean human being.

Glad you're still enjoying it :)

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #30, by daliha Taking in a Stray

27th December 2011:
I like how your letting us know what's going on little by little and the way you portray everything so elegantly (not sure if that's the correct word) I love this story and it's on of the few Sirius stories that is true original! On to the next chapter

Author's Response: That's really a strong couple of compliments there, thank you! I did try to make it out of the ordinary compared to your "typical" Sirius/OC stories, and I'm happy that the pace works for you.

Thanks for another kind review! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #31, by daliha Company for Lunch

27th December 2011:
Well I'm curious to see her reason to start a friendship with a wanted criminal.

That an how is it all going to work out?

Author's Response: Many questions -- answers will come soon!

Thanks for your kind review :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #32, by daliha The First Taste of Freedom

27th December 2011:
Tag! :)

ANyway I loved the start of this chapter the way you describe Sirius's senses as a dog. That blew me away, it was my favorite part, and the last line too was a nice touch.

I love the start to this story and I can't wait to see what's next :)

Author's Response: Thanks! It was fun to use so much description and rely on Sirius's canine senses to characterize the scene. I'm so pleased that you liked this enough to continue on! :)

Thanks again for your kind review!

academica


 Report Review

Review #33, by Pixileanin The Devil's in the Details

27th December 2011:
These characters seem so eager to bond, but there's this distance between them too. I like the contrast that you've created there. You move Sirius through the action smoothly, from the nicking of the coat to the entrance to the vault. With a bit of practiced coercion and a bit of luck, he go through it all. I suppose it would have been too lucky of him to get his hands on that wand of his. And now I have to know what he wants with that hardware store...

Author's Response: Yeah, I do think there's a bit of a contrast between them, one that will change, becoming wider and more narrow as the story unfolds. I think that's a good way of describing the volatility of the emotions I've tried to write in this piece, so I'm glad it worked for you.

Hope you enjoy the next few chapters! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #34, by Pixileanin Taking in a Stray

27th December 2011:
Interesting, that Rachael had the ingredients in her flat for that meal. I suppose that, like you said, she occasionally attempted to make herself feel normal once in a while. Very convenient for her unexpected guest, so that she could put up a convincing front for him. It tied in nicely to her thoughts in the bathroom, when she tried to convince herself that things were okay inside her.

I liked how you were able to show that she was a witch without too much fuss, that she used magic only when she needed to. That was a nice touch. Also, the way that these characters quietly accepted each other, that they both recognized the sad situation in the other, that was well done too.

Author's Response: I try to be subtle when I can :) This story is really about emotion more than action, the process of two characters simultaneously resisting and giving in to one another in one slow, tortured spiral. We know Sirius had a bit of a dark past, and Rachael isn't so different in that respect, so the collateral damage from those experiences is the focus of this tale.

Thanks for another kind review! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #35, by Pixileanin Company for Lunch

27th December 2011:
I liked the contrast between Sirius almost wolfing down the sandwich out of extreme hunger and Rachael with her little tip of a French fry, and how she was almost using him to cover for her inability to eat any noticeable portion of her lunch. It made me wonder what made her want to spend time with Sirius again after what might seems to have been a really long time, and why, if he hadnít recognized her yet, she would risk having someone she knew get closer to her and figure out who she was. So many questions. And only one way to find out...

Author's Response: Yes, many questions! It seems like the mystery part is working for you, which is great. You'll (hopefully) come to see that the similarities between Sirius and the waitress are just as striking as, or perhaps more striking than, the differences.

Thanks for another kind review! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #36, by Pixileanin The First Taste of Freedom

27th December 2011:
Oh, I have been meaning to review this for ages and ages. These two characters are so messy, so torn. I'm sure you have big plans for them.

"No, I'm Sirius. He needed to remember that. He refused to let himself forget who he was."

This line was so well-placed, and a great twist on the usual way it is thrown around in fanfiction. I felt the punch of it full on.

"I never sleep well, she almost reminded the woman."

You give me a taste of this woman, and I already feel that she has some inner struggles that are going to come out. I really enjoy when an author is able to use so few words to give such a clear picture of the characters. I love getting into your characters and the depth you create for them. It's something you do so well and it is a pleasure to read.

Please forgive the lateness of this review. You have some great stuff going on in here!

pix

Author's Response: I think I have a problem writing characters without serious issues. It's good in a way because it makes it more difficult to fall into the Mary Sue trap, but I do put some of them through the wringer before I'm done with them.

That "No, I'm Sirius" line is one of my favorites, and others have remarked that they liked it, too. I'm glad you liked the twist!

Don't worry about the delay! I'm flattered that you stopped by to check this out, and I hope you enjoy getting to know my rather tortured characters.

Thanks for the kind review! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #37, by Genius Diverging Roads

9th December 2011:
That was really very intense chapter.Infact you write very chapter filled with so much love & pain...I really love it!
But on one condition I was upset(dont get me wrong).maybe do or dont take the advie!It's up to you:)

Since last 3 or 4 chapter, I feel they are filler chapters, you know like- I hope you understand. The story is not moving much forward...There is no action in it..Make a BIG chapter.(I will love you for that)

6/10

Author's Response: Hey there!

Well, that's the thing - it's not an action story. My writing is focused on characterization, so I put my efforts into really showing the pain that the characters are going through and drawing parallels that explain their feelings for one another. So I'm afraid if you feel that these chapters are "filler", you might not like the rest of the story, as most of it is going to be like that.

All the same, thanks for reading and reviewing! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #38, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Diverging Roads

8th December 2011:
Oh no! That last sentence. Why do you like to do this to me? Everytime you end with a sort of...well, I don't want to call it a cliffhanger but you end with a sentence that always fills me with dread. I know bad things are going to happen and I've accepted it but I really wish bad things wouldn't happen.

Maybe I haven't accepted it.

So, I'm going to make some assumptions. I'm really bad at guessing what's going to happen BUT. I don't think Sirius is going to let up about her moving in with him and I think she will but then since you're following the time line of the books then she'll have to meet Harry and that's just going to be terrible on her because she still feels bad about not being friendly with Lily during those years they weren't talking. Also! Sirius will have the Order meetings at the Black House and Snape will be there so she'll have a run in with Snape and I don't know if she'll stick with Sirius or Snape. OR! Wait for it, she'll pick Sirius and then Sirius dies so she breaks down (because she's in a fragile state already) and she dies too because why would Snape help her?

I'm probably wrong but no matter what that last sentence of the chapter equals drama.

Bring it on! :D

Author's Response: Wow, you've got some great ideas there! I've actually gone in a totally different direction - the story is complete, it's just a matter of posting all of it. Your ideas make me see that this story could have gone so many different ways, and I think all of them would have been interesting.

Thanks for reading and reviewing so faithfully!

academica :)


 Report Review

Review #39, by adluvshp Diverging Roads

7th December 2011:
Aw. A heartwarming chapter. I really like how Sirius is being so sweet to her, and thinking about Lucy moving in with him. I feel so bad for Lucy, though, she's gone through so much.

You really do bring your characters to life with your writing and I totally get involved in their world. This is what I love the most :) You're as always doing a wonderful job, and I'm eagerly waiting for the next chapter!

Good work!

10/10

Cheers!
AD

Author's Response: Hey AD :)

They've both gone through a lot, I suppose. I think that's the dominating theme of this ship, that they're both broken and desperately in need of some sense of normalcy and love. Poor Sirius just thought that they could be together, and she's just jaded from her past.

I'm so glad to hear that! I try to work very hard on characterization so that people can relate to the characters I create and really get involved with their feelings and decisions.

Thanks for your kind review! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #40, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Smiles and Separations

25th November 2011:
Aw this was such a sweet chapter and then the ending made my heart sink. Oh! I hope Lucy gets better. I really want her to be happy and healthy. I have become quite attached to her! :D

Author's Response: Yes, the poor thing has been through so much! I'm really pleased that you've become attached to her and really want the best for her; what more can an author ask regarding her OCs? :D

Thanks for all of your faithful reviews!

academica


 Report Review

Review #41, by adluvshp Smiles and Separations

21st November 2011:
Awww. Sweet chapter. It threw some more light on Lucy and Sirius and I liked that. You're doing well. Keep up the nice writing!

Looking forward to the next chapter,

10/10

Cheers!
AD :)

Author's Response: Hey AD! Glad you're still liking the story and enjoying getting to know Lucy and (my version of) Sirius :) The next chapter will be out soon!

Thanks for another kind review :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #42, by forsakenphoenix The Gazebo

19th November 2011:
I wish I knew what to say for this chapter, but I don't. I think they're both still holding onto a lot of regrets from their past and I'm happy to see them start to accept that they've been giving this second chance to mend themselves. I like that they got to spend time together and I was disappointed that it had to end so soon. Do the Muggles recognize him or are they just frightened by the look/tattoos? Speaking of that, I think my favorite line was when Lucy was inhaling his scent that Azkaban hadn't taken away from him. I think it's just a wonderful way to mention how much Azkaban has ripped from Sirius without saying too much. It's lovely. :)

Author's Response: You said it well - they're both still a bit torn between the past and what may be to come. I couldn't just let them have a perfect night out, now could I? Scars this deep take more than one kiss to heal, unfortunately. As for the Muggles, they thought they were safe because they live in a secluded, mostly uninhabited part of town (as mentioned in chapter one, I believe) but they either ventured a little too far into mainstream London or people from other parts of the city came to the festival and saw him. Poor Sirius can't catch a break :(

I liked writing that line! I thought it was a sort of subtle way of letting her get close to him and get a little lost in her past with him.

Thanks for your lovely reviews! They always leave me smiling and brighten up my day :)

Amanda


 Report Review

Review #43, by forsakenphoenix A Plate Full of Pancakes

19th November 2011:
Oh, Sirius, I just want to hug you. It's sad, they're wasting away and it's just something they're used to. Sirius's disgust with Lucy's body is sad, but true. I'm glad that Sirius called Lucy out on her bull. It's time someone was honest with her. I was surprised at how blunt Sirius was when he told her there wasn't much left, but it's the truth, and I don't know...it sucks to hear it but I'm glad he's told her, you know? I'm glad she at least ate a little bit for Sirius - it's a step in the right direction, but I know this won't get fixed overnight. I like how things are progressing.

Author's Response: It is good that he said something to her, isn't it? I just don't feel like it would be very 'Sirius-like' for him to hold his feelings back, especially when he realizes that she's in trouble. The comparison between them is very sad, and unfortunately, it's become a central theme of the story - 'finally, the flesh reflects the madness within'. Thankfully, she did eat a little bit; the first step can be the toughest.

 Report Review

Review #44, by Cassius Alcinder The First Taste of Freedom

13th November 2011:
Review tag!

First of all I have to say that I absolutely loved the imagery and descriptions in this chapter. You really have a way with words and making us feel like we're right there in the scene, especially your descriptions of the slum, I could almost smell it.

You had a nice play on the traditional Sirius pun, and I'm guessing which cousin it was, probably not Bellatrix:)

That was an interestigng introduction of Rachael as well. Was that Lucius and Narcissa that were glaring at her in the flashback?

I always wondered what it wa like for Sirius when he first escaped since we don't relly see him until he randomly shows up at Hogwarts.

Great chapter and definetely an intriguing start!

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm so glad you liked my descriptions. This chapter was the first time I really made an effort to include a lot of vivid imagery, and I'm glad that it seems to have worked for everyone.

Yeah, I doubt it was her :) I'm glad you liked how I went into talking about the play on his name. I wanted to give it a bit of an edge.

You're right - good catch! I'm happy that you like her character so far, and I hope you read on and discover more about her.

I did try to capture what I see as an under-appreciated time period in Sirius's life, and it makes me happy that you appreciate it, too.

Thanks for your very kind review! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #45, by Manga_girl The First Taste of Freedom

11th November 2011:
Hello, I really like this so far! I like how you described Sirius as he was out of Azkaban and in general youre word choice, its awesome! I can't wait to see what happenes next!

Author's Response: Hey, thank you! I'm glad I did Sirius justice. Hope you get a chance to read on sometime! :)

Thanks for the kind review!

academica


 Report Review

Review #46, by AlPadfootPotter96 The Gazebo

9th November 2011:
Wow, the emotions swirling around them, the whole scene...they're beautiful.
But, alas, the shatter of the perfect moment...
Keep writing! :)

Author's Response: It is sad that their little moment got ruined :( However, I'm glad you're still enjoying the story. More chapters will be posted soon, I promise!

Thanks for another kind review!

academica


 Report Review

Review #47, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap The Gazebo

5th November 2011:
It was so sweet seeing Sirius get to be Sirius again but I saw it coming, it's just too dangerous for him to go outside, it always was in the books. It's also surprising that he's getting her to eat more, you didn't comment on her body, so I'm not sure if there's any minor changes, perhaps she's getting more color back to her body? Or not. I could just be inferring something false. I feel like Snape is going to make an appearance soon and I don't know if I'm ready for that! Ah! Excellent job, your writing is beautiful.

Author's Response: Hey again!

Yes, poor Sirius just can't catch a break, even in the quiet, hidden parts of the city. He is slowly getting her to eat more, but as you mentioned in your last review, who knows how long that will last? There is definitely a lot of damage there and it will take time to heal. In fact, that's one of the major themes of this story -- healing does not come easily. I do think you can see a small improvement from before, though, simply based on her willingness to go out and try to have a good time and live a normal life for one night. Spoiler alert - Snape will not be making a direct appearance in this story, but he will continue to haunt Lucy's interactions with Sirius and do so in bigger and bigger ways. Thanks so much for the compliments and all of your wonderful reviews! I'm so glad you're still enjoying the story!! :)

academica


 Report Review

Review #48, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap A Plate Full of Pancakes

5th November 2011:
Wow. Sirius Black, harsh, oh so harsh. I actually felt terrible for Lucy (ah I'm calling her Lucy now) in this and I know I'm supposed to agree with Sirius's methods, he has been hardened by his life, why should he feel the need to soften himself? He shouldn't but man, when he said "there's not much left," concerning her beauty. Well, that was heart wrenching. I am happy she ate a pancake though but I don't think that's progress only because whatever progress she does make in the future, I'm sure will backpeddle a bit because this isn't exactly a happy go luck story. I cannot wait to read the next chapter and I will right now!

Author's Response: Hey!

Well, I'm not certain that I intended you to agree totally with Sirius. Both of them are hurting and both are at fault in different ways, really. You're right that this isn't a "happy go lucky" kind of story, and I'm glad that doesn't put you off it! I hope you enjoy the rest! :)

Thanks for your kind review!

academica


 Report Review

Review #49, by Cathy The Gazebo

2nd November 2011:
This story is beautiful. Please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'll have the next chapter in the queue soon :) I appreciate your kind review!

academica


 Report Review

Review #50, by adluvshp The Gazebo

2nd November 2011:
Aww. Such a sweet chapter. I loved the moment between lucy and sirius. Very well written. I just wonder why Sirius didn't disguise himself?

Great job as always.

10/10

Cheers!
AD

Author's Response: Hey AD! It was kind of a sweet moment, huh? :) Thanks for the compliment on my writing. You've made a good point as well. I suppose I was writing from the perspective that they were attending a festival in the more secluded part of the city that she lives/works in; I think I said something in the first chapter about how the Wanted posters gradually disappeared and that's how he knew he could hide out there. I could just be making that up, but I think that's what I wrote. Anyway, they're a little caught up in the moment, and I wrote it thinking that they'd want a shot at normalcy, so they decided to chance going out in public as is. Unfortunately, the risk didn't turn out so well.

Thanks for your kind review! I love them all!

Amanda


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>