I love the way that fleur is involved with all of this by trying to figure out one of her coworkers odd behavior which will actually help the order even though she doesnt know about it yet! This story is very interesting so far and i love how its already getting to the main stuff such as her following people and such. Also i think u do a great job with showing the differences between france and uk with the examples of breaks. I wish the chapters were a bit longer just because i want to keep reading to find out whats going to happen but at the same time its a good length as well. Im excited to see that bill is going to show up more and i really liked seeing the bit from his pov to help the readers understand what he is doing. Im really enjoying this! Great job!
~slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Yay, thankyou! Ahha she's just too curious, and it's so much fun to write. Plus you're not meant to know that it's going to help them, shh ;) Hmm I'm glad that you think it's an okay pace, since I'm worried it's all happening too fast to be believable... and thanks! I'm trying to show the contrast, so I'm glad it comes through how different they are. Aah I do need to try to make them longer, or at least update faster... but I'm really glad that you're excited to read more! Hehe ooh it's good that you like Bill, and can understand him more, since he's important and all that :D Thankyou so much! Report Review
Huh i never thought about how security measures would change during the mass breakout even though we do see the change in the seventh book, interesting! I thought it was an interesting idea to have her walk out on her family for trying to keep her locked up after the tournament, it was something i wouldnt have thought of. Also i was so excited to see bill introduced in this chapter even if it was only very quickly that he appeared. I cant wait until hes around a lot more and to see how they get together. Great job!
~slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Hehe I'm glad you liked that! I have tried to put in the details to keep it canon and believable :) And I'm really glad that you like the idea - I wasn't sure if I could make canon Fleur fit that personality of someone who could walk out. Hehe yep, Bill's definitely going to be getting more time in the spotlight! And I'm really happy you like it :D Report Review
I remember supporting you throughout nanowrimo this last year and im rather happy to finally get around to reading it. I liked seeing the third task through fleurs eyes and im excited to see where things go from here. This is the first time ive read anything from her pov and i think u are doing a great job with her characterization so far. Im really excited to see how bill comes into play in this story and how they finally get together. The description in this first chapter was good as well. I really enjoyed it and will be continueing on. Great job!
~slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Hi there! Yeah, it was great being adopted by you for NaNoWriMo :D I'm really glad you like the finished(ish) product! Hehe Fleur's left out of pretty much everything, so it's been a lot of fun writing in her POV. I'm glad you like her, though, since it's difficult to keep her canon. Yeah, Bill will be coming along pretty soon... I guess they have slightly cliche roles but I'm happy you like the description. Thanks! :) Report Review
Since you mentioned it... the restaurant scene was a bit dodgy - felt a little unnecessary to me I guess - but after that is picks right up and the rest of the chapter is excellent! Very exciting. Dying to know what happens next. :)Author's Response: Oh dear! I was worried about that, but ended up leaving it in because I'm concerned about moving the plot along too fast :P I'm really glad that it seemed to progress from there, though! Hehe that's also good - I do want to create /some/ suspense haha! Report Review
Another great chapter! I meant to read this earlier, but even though it took some time, I came back because I love this story. That hint at the end comes off really annoyingly cliffhangerish to me right now! Can't wait to see what her visit at Mhairi's is like.
lol after reading some of Fleur's dialogue I started to read some of the narrative in her accent, like: "She gave a wry little smile and leaned 'er 'ands on 'is desk". Some times I do this when reading Christie's Poirot too. Even in writing the accent sometimes sort of catches on.
I really liked that there was a bit more interaction between Bill and Fleur. And it's fun how they get along with everyone else, but sort of clash with each other, which is just because of circumstances as they get annoyed at each other for doing the same thing as they do and sort of being in their way.
I really loved the little glimpses of both Fleur's French life and Bill's life with friends and family. I also liked how he had sort of got out of touch with some of how you're supposed to behave in England. You write the little things so well, with a little detail of this and that every now and then (owls and Charlie and Gabrielle for example) and that really gives some atmosphere and sort of meat on the bones of the writing. It's not complicated or too flowery or anything, but it gives the story feeling and charm and just something extra. Love it! :)Author's Response: Yay thankyou! :D Ahh yay - I'm really glad it's sort of pulling, then; I just couldn't resist a cliffhanger ending, and that was the intended effect ;)
I do exactly the same thing! Even in writing description straight after Fleur's dialogue, I keep trying write in the accents and stuff... the Frenchness must be seeping through! And I do the same with Poirot; it's very compelling to carry the accent over, and I keep getting continuity bells going off in my head :P
Hehe thankyou! I sort of wanted to get that clash-y feel to them, but still show that they could get along if they weren't so darn stubborn. If only they were less under each others' feet :P
Aww thankyou! I just like writing their world and giving glimpses of what's going on, so I'm really glad that it comes across :D Also, they're both sort-of foreigners, and I wanted to bring that out! Ooh that's good - I walk the line between pointlessly wordy and hopelessly simple writing with many, many wobbles, and I'm really glad that it comes across well! Thankyouuu :D Report Review
It's Rosie from the blue vs bronze review battle! :)
This was a wonderful, intense first chapter. I found it really interesting to read about the third task from Fleur's PoV. I've never read anything from Fleur's PoV, which is why I really enjoyed this. I think you characterized her perfectly, too.
I barely found any grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes! This was just so wonderfully written! You captured the excitement and the confusion of this moment in the fourth book very well. I also loved the way you ended it; with Harry saying Voldemort was back, and Fleur realizing that something big was going to happen soon. All in all, I really enjoyed this. :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: Hi Rosie! :)
Ooh thankyou so much! I'm really glad that you liked her - there is so little about Fleur out there, though this does mean that her character is less influenced by other perceptions :D I'm glad that you like her so far, though, and seeing the Third Task from her PoV. It all seems to begin from there, and it seems to be her weakest moment.
Yay! That's very good, since I do worry afterwards about my SP&G (since it niggles me when reading) but don't tend to think about it at the time... yay, I'm glad you liked that! It seemed to just be the best place to introduce all of this, and I'm super-happy that you enjoyed it :D
~Lottie Report Review
Really enjoying this so far and can't wait to see what's next :) Love your characterizations, and the peripheral characters we've seen so far. (and I'm really hoping for some Bill/Fleur action, cause I like this pairing haha)Author's Response: Yay, thankyou so much! Hehe, I'm really glad they seem real enough - I'm always worried that my characters are going to seem fake :P And there will indeed be plenty of Bill/Fleur action... to the point where I'm worried about the effect too much fluff can have on your health ;) Report Review
Ah, I can't believe I haven't reviewed this already! I've missed this story! It's just so good and completely sucks you in. I already want another chapter, lol, just to know what happens. She meets Bill again, yes? No? She meets Dumbledore? Ah, I don't know! I want to know, though! Please update soon? :D
Right, now that's out of the way... I love your Fleur more and more each time I read more about her. She's confident, she knows how to manipulate people (the scene with Jake was hilarious! Bill's comments were perfect - particularly the one where he added 'then again, maybe that was deliberate' was just brilliant) and she can be sassy when needed. She's not necessarily nice, though, and is perhaps a bit of a coward at times, like Bill said. She's still brilliant, though - coz she's a pretty real character.
Bill is... ah, I just love him! He's exactly like I imagined him - his cockiness just an act, mature and responsible, although always up for a laugh and a joke (like the dare). I really, really love how your little comments about Charlie (like the voice in his head which sounds like Charlie) emphasis the close relationship between the brothers without stating it evey paragraph. So good!
Plot! Plot! I'm so jealous of this... I fail utterly at plotting, lol. I'm so excited to see where this goes and am definitely adding it to my favourites (don't know why it isn't there already, tbh)!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Ahh I'm very glad EnchantÃƒÂ© is missable! If that makes sense? Hehe I'm also very glad that it's so absorbing, since I get so absorbed writing it in the first place and all! Ooh the next chapter is fun. I think you'll like it ;)
Ahha thankyou!! She's so fun to write, since I've never doubted her confidence and manipulation skills - but everyone else is just discovering them :D And also I'm so glad she's coming across as real! The aim is to not turn her into a Mary-Sue, or a sudden random Gryffindor (which would probably also fit under the category of Mary-Sue). I'm so happy that Bill's comments came across that way though! When I first tried to write his thoughts, they came out verrry weird.
Yay! It can be pretty hard to write his different sides, and which one comes out when (Weasley? jokey? Head Boy? Curse-Breaker?), but I'm very relieved that you think the balance is okay :D And I'm really glad that his close relationship with Charlie is obvious but not annoyingly so!
Aah I'm so bad at plotting O.O It took me forever to work out the little plot that will happen, and it only came about because I knew that November would be hectic enough without using vital writing time for plotting ;) EEP THANKYOU 8D
TGK xx Report Review
This chapter made me laugh out loud in several places. Fleur, oh my gosh, it was the funniest thing I've ever seen/read/whatever and it was all I could do not to actually laugh out loud.
AND THEN ALL THE PLOT BITS.
I'm shipping Fleur/Bill so much right now. And when you talk about Fleur with her french it's really. well, I really feel like you actually speak french and have moved from france to live in england? ahhha. Anyway, I thought you did a wonderful job at transcribing her actions and well, I just love it :D
ACAuthor's Response: Hehe yay, I'm so glad! :D Haha it was so much fun writing her in this bit; so manipulative and whatnot, it's great ;)
Yeah, the plot's starting up a bit now!
Hehe, every time I write this, I'm like OTP ZOMG! and I wish that was the case... that would be so cool. Sadly I just learn French the normal way :( and thankyou so much! :D
~TGK Report Review
Love your story. Keep up the great work :)Author's Response: Yay thankyou so much! I will try :D Report Review
Hi! Review Tag :D
So, this chapter definitely is keeping the story interesting. It's great to see both Bill and Fleur's perspectives, as they are very different. While Bill does see through Fleur's attempts to charm the men into telling her the information, he still doesn't understand why she's investigating.
Your Fleur definitely has more backbone than the one often written in fanfiction, and resembles the canon Fleur who still marries Bill despite his being attacked by Greyback. She is determined, and willing to do what it takes to get what she wants.
The part at the end about Fleur's family throws in some interesting complications. I have to feel a bit bad for Monsieur Delacour, he has to deal with all those part-Veelas in his life. That's got to be a bit melodramatic, at times.
Anyways, great job. It'll be interesting to see if/when Bill and Fleur start collaborating. I'm assuming they won't investigate Mhairi separately forever. I definitely want to read more!Author's Response: Hi! Yay, I'm glad it's still keeping attention :D Hehe, yep, they're still really different people who are struggling to find and understand the other at the moment - I'm really glad it comes across okay! I've always seen them start out this way, and very glad it's obvious ;)
I just can't imagine her any other way! I don't know why she's written as a bitter old harpy or a marshmallow in fanfic so often; she's much more stubborn, her intentions are just a bit astray! I'm so glad you find her canon in that way :D
Hehe, all those Veelas can't be easy to live with! There'll certainly be quite a bit of drama just in this story; I feel so sorry for him!
Yay, thanks :D Yeah, I don't think it'll be a very conventional route, but they will indeed collaborate at some point ;) and yay! I'm really glad!
~TGK Report Review
Hey there TGK! This was another great chapter and it really was a pleasure to get a little more update to date with it -adds to favourites-
Really, I love the way you've characterised Fleur and Bill so well and I can't wait to find out more of this mystery. This is actually the first Fleur/Bill that I've read so I really can't wait to see how it all pans out, but I think I like the idea of them being involved in an Order mission/investigation leading them to roommaanncee rather than Bill giving her some private lessons in improving her english... it's a little more exciting, you know?
Anyway, I loved this chapter and I can't wait to read on to the next chapter soon. The only thing I would say is that sometimes your formatting is slightly off - it's just that a couple of times you don't have the double return at the beginning of paragraphs and it makes things seem a little messy. That's a really silly minor point to such a great story, but you know... I thought I'd say.
ACAuthor's Response: Hey there AC! Yay, thankyou :D
Hehe thankyou! I'm so glad you're getting a bit pulled in, because I really do want to make my plots understandable ;) and well, I guess this isn't the conventional way haha! No, no English lessons, but, er... it'll be an *interesting* direction that their romance is taken in ;P I couldn't be bothered to bore myself with English lessons from him, as bad as that sounds!
Yay, thankyouuu! Aargh thankyou O.o See, this is why I need reviews, to tell me that my formatting's a bit funky and I've forgotten stuff - thankyou for pointing it out! :)
~TGK Report Review
Wow, this was such a great chapter! My favourite yet I think.
I love how manipulative Fleur is, changing her personality in order to get her way. You described that part really well! And her French accent's cute (only just realised xD). It's not too over the top, but makes the character seem really real. My favourite line is definitely,
'Bill thought she must know that they were all staring at her derrière now… but maybe that was the point.' I laughed so much at this!
Also, the plot definitely gets loads more captivating in this chapter. I wanna know what happens! :P
I really do love this story, especially with all the french references! It's my favourite language. It was nice to see a letter from Gabrielle. Aww :)
Brilliant lottie! Really enjoyed it :)
Annon xox Author's Response: Hehe thankyou!! 8D I love writing Fleur as so manipulative; it's so fun how she's so much in control of what's happening because of her, and I'm really glad you liked it! I didn't want anything to back-and-forth haha.
Yay, I'm really happy that it works for her! After all, she can't just adopt a British accent straight away, and I'm glad you see it as more depth-making (new word lol).
Hehe thankyou! :D That was one of my favourites to write ;) And yays!
Aww thanks! I love French too, it's so pretty and I can speak it more than any other foreign language which is good ;P Hehe glad you like her letters too; there'll be lots of them in future too!
~TGK Report Review
Hey, this was really good! ive never read a Bill/Fleur story before, so this was my first and ive fallen in love with the characters. your characterization is perfect and i really did love this. you're very talented! never give up writing!Author's Response: Hehe thankyou so much! They get so little love, and I'm really glad you like them :D Aww thankyou so much!! Report Review
This fic is really interesting and I especially like how well it fits in with the original series. Fleur's characterisation is really apt and it's good to see her in a fanfic as the brave (and snobbish!) person that JKR wrote her as instead of the superficial airhead that you often see. I also like that this fic isn't purely romance, considering that Bill/Fleur are actually one of my favourite canon pairings from the books, and I'm really intrigued by the mystery that you've set her to solve. I'm guessing that the clankers vault has something to do with Helga Hufflepuff's cup?
I'm really enjoying what you've got so far and I look forward to the next chapter!Author's Response: Hehe thankyou! I'm really glad you like her and that she's not OOC - her balance can sometimes be so difficult to get right, especially since the books' POV is biased in Harry's favour and we can't really get a straight character reference. Hehe, yes, there'll be a while before the romance really kicks in :D Bill/Fleur are one of my favourites too! I'm glad you like the mystery... and well, I can't really say, but... YEAH ;)
Hehe thankyou! Report Review
Ah, I love this story so much! This is probably my favourite Bill/Fleur that I've read, to be honest. It's just so... real. You bring in the Order, the Weasleys, the Delacours - everything. It seems like it could just slot neatly into Harry's world.
I love the bit with the owls and the letter from Charlie. It seems so simple and kinda unimportant, but it really highlights how important his family is to him and that, underneath all the bluster and arrogance, he is actually a nice guy. He cares about his owl, lol, and that brings it out. The snippets about Charlie and Bill and Quidditch were so good as well - you're developing the relationship between the brothers already and we haven't even met Charlie yet. It's brilliant.
I like your description of Mhairi - she's obviously not the usual worker, in terms of how you think of people at work, but she's a very real, rounded character which is good. I'm really curious as to what she was up to, though - with vault 206 and the package and her family and everything. I'm guessing she was threatened/Imperiused by the Death Eaters, but I'm not sure... hm... we'll see, I suppose ;)
Also, I love how the Gringotts culture (eating lunch at your desk, etc.) is so similar to the culture of actual bankers in London - I don't know if you realised that, but it's really similar. It just amused me :D
I enjoy reading this so much! Keep writing, pretty please!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hehe thankyou so much! Yay, I feel very special now :3 I'm so glad it seems to fit in ok, because I really wanted to show how Bill and Fleur fit in with the rest of the world around them - their story is so woven into the War that it's important to do so.
Haha thanks! I really just wanted to introduce the other side of Bill's character, the one that's below the professional facade and the silly greeting he used. Ah what better way to endear a guy to us than using his owl? XD Yay, I'm so glad you liked it! Not sure how long it can be kept up, though, considering that Charlie doesn't come home much :P
Yay, I'm very glad Mhairi's coming across ok too! She's a key character, and so her characterisation is important, but I tend to forget her... quite a lot. Hehe, my lips are sealed - but I'm really glad that it's suitably intriguing!
Haha that's how I hoped it'd come across! At least, I wanted it to be weirdly conservative and similar to their muggle peers. Hehe I'm happy it's amusing :D
Yay thankyou so much! :D I will -salutes- ;)
TGK xx Report Review
Aaah I've spent the last hour reading this story (while doing maths homework haha) and I luv it! It's jus sooo.warm! Luv it and u for writin it!
-LALAuthor's Response: Hehe thankyou so much!! I'm so glad that you like it :D Report Review
Hello! Review tag :D
This is an interesting story. I've always thought that Bill and Fleur's story could be interesting, but I've never really read one that did them justice. This story, however, has a lot of potential. It's not just about romance, I feel like. There's a nice mystery that you're setting up. And in the time Bill and Fleur would have met (between books four and six) there would be a lot of worrisome dark magic.
I liked the bit at the beginning where Bill is thinking about his owls. That really helps establish his character, I think. And at this point, he's joined the order, so this would put the setting of the book sometime in the summer after Harry's fourth year? Though I guess it could be later.
Fleur is being all sneaky! I like that you give her a real personality, instead of having her be "Phlegm." She is interested, and she's willing to disillusion herself to listen in on the conversation.
Great start to the story, I'll be interested to see where you take it from here. This is only chapter three, after all. :DAuthor's Response: Hi!
I've always felt that they're just so underloved! Bill and Fleur were so interesting in the books, but nobody ever seems to write them :P Hehe, thanks!- that more-than-romance was what I was hoping for; like it's not just a love story, but a whole life. Oh dear, I'm starting to sound like the blurb of a cheesy romance novel ;P
Hehe, thanks! That was what I was hoping to do, because otherwise some of the action might pass us by in the character-building... And yeah, this is in the summer before Harry's fourth year; it'll become more important later on :)
Hehe, yes, she is being sneaky... sneaky-Fleur is fun to write, because she's so often written as a snobby princess. And I'm really glad you liked her too!
Hehe thankyou! Yes, I hope it lives up to its potential *fingers crossed* :) Report Review
Oooh! We're getting into the mystery! I loved how Blii and Fleur investigated both on their own and can't wait to see how they stumble across one another. I love the originality of how you are getting them together. I was expecting a bit of a sort of casual office flirt, but they are both going to investigate and then somehow coming across each other. Yay!
There was btw one sentense that was a bit strange. This: "but Charlie apparently got to beat all the other tamers out there hands-down at quidditch anyway." I had to read it many times before I got what you meant. I'm not sure myself how it should be, but I think maybe moving around the word order or some commas might make it easier.
It was great to see a little more of Bill and from his point of view. In that part you captured the Weasleyness of his life, with little mentions of his family that seemed accurate and really making me want to be a part of the family. The part about the owls really made me smile. I liked it that you had them have the writing in the letter hidden, as first I was wondering how they would just simply be sending letters.
And Charlie is always a plus. Even a little mention gets bonus points from me and here there was a little more talk about him. I hope he will really appear at some point. :D
A good chapter all in all! Can't wait to see more of this story!Author's Response: Hehe yep, the mystery deepens! I'm really glad you like that; it's so much fun to write :D And thankyou! I've always thought that it would take more than a silly secretarial Fleur to make him fall, and it's so much fun doing it this way!
Argh you are very right :/ not sure how I overlooked that in the edits, because I know exactly what you mean that it is a bit difficult to get!
Hehe thankyou! Without the Burrow and frequent appearances of Molly and Arthur, it was a bit harder than I thought, so I'm really glad it came across :D Hehe, I like owls - and I just don't think they'd let their words go to the Death Eaters easily!
Oh yes, I love a bit of Charlie - and he will be appearing, don't worry ;) Thankyou! Report Review
I'm really enjoying this story. I love the way you portray Fleur. Yes, she's beautiful and you get the feeling that people look at her and think she's quite delicate, but she's so obviously not which I love. I sympathise with her so much about the languages problem - it would be so hard! - and the problems with the flat and everything. In short, she's a brilliant character and you really make it easy for the reader to sympathise with her ;)
Bill! We met Bill! I like your take on him. He seems a lot more like the twins than like Percy, and I see a lot of times where he's portrayed as more of a Percy. I love him - he's so fun! And Flower... such a brilliant nickname for her. I hope that stays for the rest of the fic - it's cute.
Your plot's really mysterious at the moment, which is just making me more and more interested. I'm guessing Mhairi's disappearance is odd? No? Yes? Maybe? :D Either way, I'm so intruiged by this and the characters are so perfect, I'll definitely keep reading.
Please, please, please update!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hehe thankyou! I always thought that she's portrayed as far too much of a delicate fairy, but Bill could never have gone for someone like that. And I've always felt so sorry for her with the language problems too! Yay, I'm so glad she's likeable and easy to relate to :D
Bill! Haha, thankyou - I think that though he's responsible, that doesn't mean he can't have fun along the way ;) Ooh I'm glad you like that nickname - it should re-appear hopefully!
Ooh that's good! I was hoping for that effect anyway :D I shouldn't be saying already, but as it's going to become obvious pretty fast... YES it's odd! Hehe thankyou so much!
TGK xx Report Review
I have to say, first off, that I've never found a story - Bill/Fleur or whatever - that actually includes Fleur's feelings (or anything from her point of view) about the tournament, so it's really, really interesting to me that you chose to include that.
She's characterised so beautifully as well. She's beautiful and she knows it - but she has flaws as well as strengths and virtues and she feels like such a real, complex person already. It's wonderful, seriously.
I also love how you managed to incorporate both book!canon and movie!canon into the same thing. It seems like something that would be difficult, but you've done it seemingly so easily and perfectly, that I only noticed because I'm pretty fanatical about canon ;)
This - from the summary - sounds absolutely fascinating, your characterisation of Fleur is just wonderful and I really can't wait to see where you go with this.
And I'm sorry about not reviewing last time I read this! :P
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Fleur is always so ignored, isn't she? And I've always felt that for such a huge and important part of the Wizarding World's tale, the Tournament is ignored far too often.
Thankyou so much! She's always portrayed as such an ice queen by those who don't know her well, but her behaviour often contradicts that - so I'm really glad that she's coming across as REAL.
Hehe thankyou! It was quite difficult, but would've been harder if they hadn't sort of merged together in my head... haha the Tournament is one big mash for me :P And Fleur seems a natural part of it!
Yay thankyou so much! No worries; thanks for reviewing now :D Report Review
I like your writing style, and although this was a rather heavy chapter with a lot of information about Gringotts I still liked it a lot and it makes me want to know more. It was great to know a little more about Fleur and her background as well as about the workings on in Gringotts. It shows that you have put a lot of thought into all of it.
One thing that's a bit unclear for me in this chapter is about her work placement. It sounds like she just about had something good at Gringotts before her mum said no or would she have needed some help with that still? Or didn't she have anything yet. Because what I didn't understand was why she changed her plans and took just any job from Gringotts. That shouldn't be affected by how she was leaving home, with or without permission. I don't know if I'm being unclear here myself. :P What I mean is that I understood that she had chances for a better job before, but took a more boring one when she didn't have permission from her mum to go. And I don't understand why.
Another thing I want to mention is the accent. You do it well here. I loved how she thought about how she sounded and how she pronounced words in the beginning of the chapter. I know I've done that too. Sometimes you get really conscious of how you sound, especially if you are otherwise nervous too and she was tired here. But I would be careful with how much you actually write out the accent because this is from her point of view. So basically in her head she at least tries to sound like the words should sound, if you know what I mean. It does work here with writing out the accent too though, because it is mentiones that she is tired and consicious herself that she doesn't quite pronounce the words as the natives do or even as good as she could.
I loved to see Bill here too. I think the scene with him was sort of cute and funny, though he was a bit annoying too. :P I love by the way how you write Fleur so that it shows that she's a really intelligent person. Many don't do that and I know I forget myself at times even when reading the books how nice, good, brave and smart she can be because a lot of the comments we get about her come from Molly, Ginny and Hermione who aren't fans.
Great chapter! I will definitely continue reading. :)Author's Response: Thankyou! Yes, it was very information-heavy because I was trying to paint a picture of what it would be like to work at Gringotts, but it's probably a bit too confusing - I think that because I've been imagining it the whole time, I wanted to explain it too far :P But thankyou; I'm glad it's apparent!
Oh dear, I need to edit that point to make it more clear that she was originally just taking a summer job, and then because she was banned by her mum, had to take any job she could so she could get away to England. *notes down for edits*
Ooh I'm glad you think the accent works ok! It's such a difficult balance to get, because how much of an accent would she lose? And how can I write it so it's not incoherent?! I'm very glad you like that Fleur listens to her voice, because I think she would be so self-conscious about anything that wasn't perfect. Thankyou, I'll keep that in mind :D I'm glad it does sort of work, though!
Hehe yeah, Bill was annoying there! But I'm glad you liked it, and how Fleur isn't a shallow Veela. You're right - just because people were prejudiced against her doesn't mean that their views are all that count.
Yay, thankyou! :)
Lottie! Happy Birthday have a great day eat lots of yummy food :big hugs and chocolate cake:
I’ve been meaning to review this third chapter for a while! I LOVELOVEd it, honestly. It’s just such a cute story, but with a darker undertone which makes everything seem so more realistic.
The relationship you show at the beginning between Charlie and Bill is SO adorable! I never really thought about the two older brothers being really good FRIENDS you know?
And of course I LOVE the owl's name, Llewellyn! Wa-a-ales :P
And then we get Fleur’s POV and the intriguing mystery with Mhairi. I love the unique way you craft the plot together.
10/10, enjoyed it so much :)
Annon xoxAuthor's Response: Hehe thankyou Annon!! I am indeed celebrating with yummy food :D
Hehe thankyou so much! I am trying to get the cute/dark balance right, it can just be difficult to keep it that way so I'm glad you think it's ok :D
Thanks! I always just thought that being the eldest two Weasleys, they'd be sort of comrades. Haha yep, Llewellyn is awesome ;)
Yes, muchos intrigue and swapping POV - thankyou so much!! :D I am so happy that you like it! Report Review
Yay! A Bill and Fleur story! That is excellent.. The story seems so promising, I cannot wait for the updates.. :D :D..
I love the start of the story, and how it is from Fleur's point of view.. Bill seems cool, and hot.. ;)
I am really looking forward to the story as it goes ahead.. Please please do update!Author's Response: Hehe thankyou! I intend to update often :D
Yay thankyou! I always think that Fleur needs more attention, and I'm glad you like Bill - he's going to get attention too!
Hehe I'm very glad! I will update very soon :D Report Review
I love how this story shows all of Fleur's thoughts on everything that happens. It's very original. It is great to see Fleur NOT being a total airhead. She's a good character. I also like that you gave her a second job. I think that would be realistic.
I think Bill, on the other hand, is less arrogant. He doesn't seem quite so cocky in the books.
I really enjoy your writing style. I was hanging on to every word. I think you included a lot of important things, like Fleur's difficulty with English and her internal monologue. Everything is just intriguing and makes me want more.Author's Response: Hehe thankyou! I'm very glad you think so; I never saw her as an airhead, but she's so often portrayed that way. I'm really glad that you like her, and that she's realistic - Gringotts wouldn't pay THAT much!
I know Bill seems really arrogant right now, and he isn't normally so cocky - he's going to get better, promise!
Hehe, thankyou! :D I wanted to include all the details, because she's such a fish out of water. And I'm very flattered, thankyou so much! Report Review
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