48 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Jchrissy What's in the box?

7th July 2012:
I told you the first chapter made me want to continue!

You are making me love six year old twins. They are so amazingly precious! And now the bedroom furniture makes more sense.. I love how Arthur is secretly proud of them, though I'm sure it was expensive to replace, you can tell he really doesn't mind the money. I also love that the people had to deliver it the muggle way because it's resistant to magic, it was a great touch.

I don't know if I love Ron's nickname, I think I like it because it makes sense that you would call a baby a more cutesy name, I guess it's just odd to see.

This chapter had a wonderful flow and an amazing sense of love the whole way through. It makes me laugh that even at this young Percy still got on the twins nerves, and it makes total sense that he would.

You have created a very simple story and made it completely beautiful. Amazing job so far!

Author's Response: More! Thanks!

So glad my first chapter hooked you in! Wow! And another review, too! Personally, I don't love Ron's nickname either. I'm sure it was just a passing phase. And I loved picking on Percy. Poor guy never gets a break!

I don't see enough father moments in fanfiction for Arthur. He's really a stand-up guy that deserves more credit. I'm happy you appreciate that. And the flow? Thanks. I can never be too sure about flow. It's always something I have to ask other people to gauge for me.

Thanks for another wonderful review!


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Review #27, by Jchrissy We only borrowed it and then we put it back.

7th July 2012:
Oh goodness m'dear, this was positively absolutely adorable. You did an amazing job with keeping Fred and George themselves but much younger versions. It was so sweet how he wanted to offer his brother a lolly but didn't have any. Am I confused, or did they actually destroy the bed because they couldn't fit it in the closet? Please tell me they wouldn't do that and I am confused... haha!!

I love that George wanted a baby dragon, I feel like it could have been hearing his brother talk about them that made him want once, which seems very natural and realistic.

I also really liked your mention of the other brothers, their characterizations also seemed flawless.

A very sweet and adorable first chapter all together! It flowed beautifully and made me want to click on to the second!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks!

You can be confused. The bed comes later. :) I always imagined these two to be very close, watching out for each other in everything that they did. It starts young, so I wanted to explore that a little.

Little kids dream big, so a dragon was the one "unattainable goal" I thought George would go for. Glad you liked it!


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Review #28, by Thepheonixpen Stuffed frogs and fuzzy bunnies

7th June 2012:
Oh wow.
That was just so cute!
I laughed like twice, particularly at the part when Ginny pours the cream out and Percy slips! haha
Such an adorable story, and so well written!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #29, by CherryBoom What's in the box?

6th June 2012:
Fred and George are so cute. =) I really liked the idea of telling us how each one of the boys used magic the very first time. There was a really nice homey feeling in this chapter.

Writing was smooth, although I was bit perplexed about the delivery men before you explained it to us. They were muggles delivering magical items?

I enjoyed dialogue, it was very age appropriate. The characters were nicely done, although I would have loved to read more about young Bill and Charlie, but that's my personal preference.

Loved it and will read the next chapter as well. Good job! =)

Author's Response:

Hi!

The delivery men weren't really Muggles, but they had to deliver the beds without using magic, since it was a "magic resistant" item... if that makes sense.

Haha! If I ever write a young BIll and Charlie story, I'll let you know.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #30, by CherryBoom We only borrowed it and then we put it back.

31st May 2012:
I really liked the whipped topping idea. I can easily imagine kids remembering stuff like that. Gred and Forge were quite believable almost six year olds. The chapter was really cute, funny and endearing. The story sucked me right in and pace was excellent. It was bit shortish and I would have loved to read more action, but as an opening chapter it was excellent. =)

Author's Response: Whipped topping!!

There's more action in chapter two. (hint hint)

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #31, by Cassius Alcinder Stuffed frogs and fuzzy bunnies

15th May 2012:
This was pretty much the perfect way to end the story! Not ony was it highly amusing, but in a way its kind of an origin story for Fred and George,explaining how they came to be the epic pranksters we know and love. Baby Ginny was absolutely adorable,and the brothers were great as well.

Author's Response: I love reading origin stories and I had fun writing this one. I'm so glad you made it to the end and found it amusing. Thanks for all of your fabulous reviews!

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Review #32, by Cassius Alcinder What's in the box?

15th May 2012:
What a great feel good story! You really have a knack for taking the canon character's personalities and adapting them to be appropriate for a younger age.

Fred and George are so much fun here, and love how Percy is already so Percy like as well. I als loved Arhtur's appearence, and we can realy see what a dedicated family man he is.

Author's Response:
Hee hee! Twins can be fun. Percy was easy to portray as the perpetual curmudgeon, and I felt like Arthur deserved a bit of the spotlight as well. He was definitely a great role model for the boys.


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Review #33, by academica Stuffed frogs and fuzzy bunnies

12th May 2012:
Hey Pix! I'm here for your requested review, round three :)

I totally loved this, and I like how it wasn't just a comical little story, but instead turned out to explain how Fred and George became so enthralled with pranks. Baby Ginny is probably the most adorable thing I've seen in a fic in quite some time, too. Overall, I think you did a lovely job of characterizing all of the Weasleys, and the plot flowed well and kept me interested. I think it's very sweet that the twins wanted to help out, even on their birthday, and their behavior along with Charlie's gift both provide good examples of the innate goodness and familial love we have come to associate with the Weasley family. I must say that I think it's a near miracle that Molly didn't catch the twins mid-"prank". Good thing Arthur was able to clean up all the evidence!

I don't have much to nitpick this time around, actually, so it looks like my review will be a little shorter this time. Like I said, the flow here was improved from the second chapter, and I think this chapter was my favorite of the three. I tried, I really did, but I guess you'll just have to be proud of this :)

Well, it was really lovely to finally get to read this, and I enjoyed every minute. (Even the red hair grew on me! Who knew?) Thanks for requesting, and I hope this is helpful!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Aw, thank you!

I'm so glad you enjoyed my romp through Weasley world, and I certainly appreciate all of your comments on this piece! It's good to know that I pulled off the familial atmosphere, because that means that my "palate cleanser" was a success. ;)

I'm really happy you got a chance to read and review this!

pix


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Review #34, by academica What's in the box?

11th May 2012:
Hi Pix! I'm here with requested review #2 :)

As expected, this was very cute. I liked hearing about how each of the boys had discovered their magic, and it was entertaining to imagine Fred and George sitting and wearing smiles amongst the remnants of their demolished bedroom. I really think you've done a good job of nailing down their personalities; for example, I think being able to read so early (and attempting to prove this at every turn) is very suited to them. Ron and Ginny were also very cute in this chapter. It's interesting to imagine all of the children at such young ages.

I also really liked Arthur here. I think he would sit back and reminisce about his children, since he's certainly a family man and seems to cherish each and every one of them. Though I think a lot of times we're tempted to assume that Molly is the glue holding the family together, in this piece, I feel like Arthur is really stepping up and taking charge, even with the simple act of getting a new bed set up for his sons. He just struck me as being so steady, and I really liked that.

Now, the flow didn't go quite as well here for me, though it's not poor by any stretch. Since you asked me to be tough, I'm going to do something I don't usually do and nitpick a little. I feel like a comma is missing in the first paragraph (after 'birthday boys') and in the eleventh paragraph (after 'Bill'). I think paragraphs 8 and 9 could have been a little clearer as well - in paragraph 8, it's a little hard to tell whether it's Ron or Ginny who says, "I wanna see!" and in paragraph 9, it's a little confusing for Ginny to say "Not a baby!" if the line referring to her being a baby wasn't spoken and was just part of the third person narrative. I hope all of that makes sense. It really is nitpicking, because there isn't anything majorly wrong, and these are my best guesses at what might have impeded the flow a little here for me.

On another note, the set of lines about how Fred and George got mad at having to play with Percy on their birthday cracked me up. Poor Percy, always getting the short stick :)

Very nicely done! Hope this helps, and you can certainly come back and re-request for chapter three if you like.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thanks!

I'm so happy that you appreciated Arthur. He deserves some good times too.

I will look at that flow issue and see what I can do about that. It was a challenge to juggle all those Weasleys in that scene, haha! I felt a bit claustrophobic writing it.

And poor Percy, indeed! Always getting the short end of the stick. :)


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Review #35, by academica We only borrowed it and then we put it back.

8th May 2012:
Hi Pix! I'm here with your requested review :) First off, I'm sorry I haven't come by to check this out before now. School got really crazy in the last month or so, and it was nice to see you post in my thread and remind me to stop by this story. At first glance, this looks like quite the deviation from Snorcas, and I'm excited to explore your versatility as an author with you.

This chapter was positively adorable. Your characterization stood out to me as being particularly brilliant -- this doesn't seem quite like Fred and George from canon, more like they have a tinge more reserve than we're used to seeing, but it still feels like a very true characterization. I love that you can already feel a slight difference in their personalities even at the age of six, and yet it also feels like a very natural brotherly relationship as far as the smoothness with which the two of them interact. It's twin-like, but not too cliche. I also think you did Percy and Charlie perfectly, even with just a brief mention of each.

The chapter definitely flowed well for me, and I imagine that the other chapters are just as cute. It was neat to think about Fred being so enthralled with whipped topping, and I can see small glimpses of his father's fascination with Muggle objects, which I liked. Speaking of the whipped cream moment, I thought the imagery there was nice, very wholesome. It's impressive to see that you can write the lighter and darker subject matter with equal grace.

I'm thinking that you might have been hoping for more critique, but I really don't notice anything to be improved in this chapter. I suppose I could make things up, but then it would be harder to say 'hope this was helpful' at the end, and... okay, rambling now. Suffice it to say, I really enjoyed this, and you're certainly free to re-request for the other chapters, though I still might get to them on my own.

Nicely done! (I at least hope this was nice to read.)

-Amanda

Author's Response: It's academica!

This was my palate cleanser from Snorcas. (can we say "totally different"?) Sometimes you just have to break free...

Aww, you can make things up if you have to. ;) Just kidding! I'm so happy you enjoyed reading this. It was really fun to write... all wholesome and happy... I did have to think about Fred and George and what kind of recognizable personality traits they would inherently have, as opposed to the traits they would have developed over time. It can be a mind bender.

Your review was such a very nice read and I will definitely re-request for the next chapter!

Thanks so much!

pix


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Review #36, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap What's in the box?

22nd April 2012:
"Can we eat it?"

^ What a Fred/George question! Oh Arthur and his Muggle loving ways. Heehee, I can't stop laughing at this, it's so cute. I don't think i've ever read a 12+ story before! I bow down to you because that's quite hard. Oh, and Ronnie! And grumpy Percy, I loved when the twins were watching Ron play with the blocks. This was such a neat idea!

Author's Response: Don't all boys ask if things are edible? ;)

You've never read a 12+ story before? Huh. I'm glad you chose mine! I'd never written a 12+ story before, if that makes you feel any better. I'm so happy this story makes you laugh. Thanks so much for your review!


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Review #37, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap We only borrowed it and then we put it back.

22nd April 2012:
Maybe Charlie was right, being ten already. Everyone knew that once you turned six, you knew everything (as his brother Percy kept saying over and over and over...not minutes after he turned six, Fred never forgot that).

I'M IN LOVE! AW! I love Fred and George...and Charlie...and Percy. I'm such a Weasley lover and this was just too cute for words! I loved how you kept them to their age, their thoughts were too funny and I see the air of mischief...something terribly hilarious is going to happen...I don't think they're going to get their dragon!

Excellent job!

Author's Response: Nah, I don't think they're going to get that dragon either. Haha! Thanks for the review!

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Review #38, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Stuffed frogs and fuzzy bunnies

17th April 2012:
Aw! That was so adorable. Like, really. I just wanted to hug Fred and George and tell them they were awesome. Because they are. And I love how you wrote them as children, all the Weasleys. :)

Excellent.

Sam.

Author's Response: Fred and George are pretty cute at this age. And yeah, all the Weasleys are pretty awesome too!

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #39, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Stuffed frogs and fuzzy bunnies

27th March 2012:
Hello. :) I figured I'd come by and give a larger review at the end of the story rather than bits and pieces for each chapter. Hope that's all right with you.

One thing I think you really got here were the little details about being a kid. A lot of the things you described Fred and George doing were things I remembered doing myself (is that a good thing?!). I was always that kid who didn't run to my mother unless I had bones sticking out, because I didn't want her to get mad at me, so George's splinter situation made perfect sense. As did the notion of stuffing the contents of your room into your closet; whether it's the closet or under the bed or in your siblings' rooms, I feel like that's one thing many of us have done. It's always good to get relatable bits in there.

I would have liked to see more surprises in this story. The ending was brilliant; it all lined up perfectly, that Charlie thought they were pulling a prank, and to tell two boys (especially Fred and George) that they can pull whatever they want on their birthdays and get away with it is hilarious. It makes perfect sense. That is the sort of logic that I love to see as a reader, because it's so believable it feels like I should have known it beforehand, yet you made it sound new. It's also one of those details that works perfectly for HP fanfiction. However, The other surprises of the story didn't feel as surprising to me. For instance, you could tell the moment they handed Ginny the whipped cream that it would get everywhere, just because that sort of thing has been done many times before. I'm not against using it, because it's great for building suspense, but you could play off it more, and get more material out of it.

You got the theme across of the importance of age and growing up to little kids. Ginny kept saying "Not a baby!" and Fred counted the seconds down religiously, and it felt like the world would open up for them once they were six, from the way they talked. All the bits and pieces there came together, which was nice to see. And yet they kept proving that they were not that mature, or responsible, or really any different from before. It was the classic, cute kid story.

I do hope that the whole growing up, every second counting was the repetition you were going for, because that was what I clued into. There were a few times when I wondered if I was on the right track.

You did a pretty good job with Fred's voice as well. It felt legitimately like an almost six year old, the way he focused so intensely on things and made assumptions that anyone older could see were unrealistic. It sounded quite authentic.

On the whole, a good job with this one. It felt real, and my favorite part was by far the ending. Thanks for joining my challenge, hope you enjoyed it!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the long review! I don't mind at all that you put it all at the end. :)

I agree with you that there weren't a lot (if any) surprises in this story. I suppose that a lot of people expect "surprise" in a Fred and George fic, because they are known for their pranks and pranks are supposed to be surprising. Honestly, I wasn't going for the element of surprise, but I do think that perhaps a little more of the unexpected might have strengthened the story as a whole. I also agree that I could have drawn out the ending a little more, because I didn't take complete advantage of the setup. That's something I'll have to definitely keep in mind for future projects. Good point.

I was going for the "cute kid story" vibe, so I'm glad you saw that. And yes, the countdown was the repetition I was going for, so it's good that you picked up on that, since that was the point. Haha! I hope it wasn't too too subtle...

I'm so glad you thought the little kid voices sounded authentic and that you liked the ending. I did enjoy your challenge and I did enjoy writing this!


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Review #40, by Cassius Alcinder We only borrowed it and then we put it back.

25th March 2012:
Review tag!

I always enjoy a good Fred and George story and I really enjoyed this one.

I like the way you portrayed them as 5 year olds so anxious for the responsibilities and prestige of beng 6. Their personalities and interactions seemed very fitting for their age, but we alo saw strong traces of the characters they would become in the books.

I also liked how you managed to work in some canon details like Arthur's fondness for muggle objects. I think any young kid would be fascinated by a whipped cream can, and even more so if they had grown up in a magical family.

This was a feel good story and its off to a good start.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review! Whipped topping is a most excellent fascination, isn't it??



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Review #41, by CambAngst Stuffed frogs and fuzzy bunnies

16th March 2012:
Tagging you again from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

So I'm all caught up, and I really enjoyed reading your story. You write very well, and it's been free of distracting typos and grammar problems. Everything flows really nicely and you mix up your narrative and dialog really well. Moreover, everything really sounds like it's coming from the perspective of young children. There's a childlike wonder to it all that's really entertaining.

I grimaced when they handed the whipped cream cans to Ginny. I knew exactly where that situation was heading. Little Ginny is really adorable. She's so sassy and impatient, just the way she turns out later on. I loved the way you wrote her and Ron in this.

Bill and Charlie are such great older siblings. Even Percy isn't so bad. You're really captured the closeness of the whole family from a very touching and believable way.

My only suggestion for this chapter is I would have enjoyed having the section between Ginny starting to spray whipped cream and Arthur intervening to fix the problem be longer. I felt like there was a lot more you could have explored there. Everything happens really fast. There seemed like really funny possibilities if you'd had the twins try for longer to fix their mess, perhaps with Percy's assistance or even Ron or Charlie.

Overall, a great chapter! Bravo!

Author's Response: Wow. Thanks so much!

I believe that once you have children of your own, all anyone has to do is say "can of whipped cream" and you will automatically know what happens next. :)

I agree with your suggestion, that I could have lengthened the action of that kitchen section. Originally, I had this as a one-shot, so I didn't want it to go on too long... also, a little part of me wanted to show that Arthur was an attentive parent who, even when he got distracted or busy, didn't let his children run off unsupervised for very long. But yes, I might have missed more comedic opportunities by cutting that short. I'm sure by next year, Fred and George will have planned something much more elaborate, especially if Charlie helps!


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Review #42, by Ashling586 What's in the box?

15th March 2012:
Tag your it:
And now I see the reason it was so easy for them to get pretty much their whole room to fit into their closet, because they exploded their furniture. Brilliant. I could so see the boys coming into their magic at a younger age than all their siblings. I am curious as to how the boys think they are going to be responsible in the next chapter. Guess it is a good thing that their furniture is magic proof.
I really enjoyed this chapter and I am excited to see what is going to come next. Great job.

Author's Response: Yes, good thing the furniture is magic proof... haha! We don't want to be replacing any more items due to magical mishaps. Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #43, by CambAngst What's in the box?

14th March 2012:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

This chapter was delightful. I loved all of the fun little details that you managed to cram into it. For starters, the continual changing of Arthur's mood as he goes from topic to topic was entertaining and very much in character. The man just can't stick with a frown for very long and he obviously bores easily. Putting together furniture seems like exactly the sort of project that he would relish.

I really like what you did with Percy. In fact, I loved the way you explained each boy's first magical event, but I thought that Percy's was the most enjoyable. It fit perfectly with his character. Even at a young age, he was so high-strung.

Little Ron and baby Ginny were adorable. So much fun to read, especially her reaction to being shooed from the room.

And the ending was great. What are they about to get up to?

You have a real knack for writing these warm, funny family moments. I can't wait to get into more of the meat of the story.

Author's Response: Aww, thanks for the warm and fuzzy review!

When you have brilliant children, the emotional roller coaster of being proud and then concerned and then bursting with pride again can get to you after a while. :)

Yes, I bet Percy would have a lot to say about a lot of things, even at a young age. "High strung" is a good way to describe it! Thanks so much for your words!


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Review #44, by Ashling586 We only borrowed it and then we put it back.

13th March 2012:
Tag your it:
Here with your review. I really liked this chapter. I think that this is going to be a really cute and fun story to read. I thought that even for such a short chapter it flowed well and the pace was just right. I shudder to think of the amount of trouble those two could have gotten into if they were to get a baby dragon. My favorite part was the fact that they were able to get pretty much their whole room into their small closet by stealing their older brothers wand, that seemed so much like something they would do.
Great job.

Author's Response: Hi! Fred and George can certainly get into a lot of trouble when left to their own devices. Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #45, by Akussa We only borrowed it and then we put it back.

11th March 2012:
Hi! You're tagged!

Aw, that was so cute! You really did a great job writting two little boys (but almost grown-ups) in this chapter; writting children can be tricky sometimes but you really had no trouble getting into their brilliant minds.

Fred and George's plans in this chapter are really nice beginnings to their older pranking ideas. I like how you managed to come up with small plans that show their nature in that style. I mean that every child will hide everything in their closet when asked to clean their room and think that they are the smartest but true to their nature, they didn't stop there and actually gave away everything that didn't fit in the closet. This is what defines those two; that they will take an ordinary idea and push it so far, it makes it original.

The fixation on time was perfect as well; so very much like five years / six years old who have just mastered reading time. Every second is important to them and especially when it comes to their birthday!

I really loved it; I smiled all the way through and felt equally proud at how strong George was at the end! Great chapter, original and brilliantly executed!

Author's Response: Little kids have all kinds of grand plans that they wish they could follow through on. Fred and George have a lot of gumption, so I'm sure that they'd at least attempt to try, where others would simply dream. Thanks so much for your kind words. They made me smile!

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Review #46, by CambAngst We only borrowed it and then we put it back.

11th March 2012:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

Ever since finding out that Fred dies in DH, I've been a sucker for good Fred and George-centered stories. They take me back to a time when the story was happier and less gloomy. And this definitely has the makings of a good one.

The way you've portrayed them is really adorable. They seem to be on the cusp of blooming into the notorious pranksters that they will become, but they're not quite there yet. "Borrowing" Bill's wand (I live that you made Charlie the guilty part who actually took it in the first place) was a clever little plot detail. Definitely a harbinger of things to come.

Little kids are so funny when they fixate on age. The way that Fred kept trying to figure their remaining time down to the second was cute and rings very true for a kid that age. Arthur's muggle whipped topping was another great, earthy little touch. The way you've characterized the family is spot on at every level.

And the ending was really touching. Fred is trying so hard to find a way to make his brother feel better without giving them away. The affection comes through really strongly.

Your writing is very solid. I didn't see any misspellings or typos and your grammar was good. Everything flowed really nicely and this was a smooth, easy read.

Well done!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by and taking a peek!

Yes, I've always thought Charlie had something up his sleeve. You've gotta watch that one! Glad you liked the family. I've never tried to write the entire Weasley clan before. It was quite daunting at first, all of them like moving targets. But it seemed to cme out alright in the end.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #47, by fixed delusion What's in the box?

9th March 2012:
Fred and George are really cute.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #48, by Grace We only borrowed it and then we put it back.

5th March 2012:
Very cute:) love little almost-six-year-old fred and george. They're pretty adorable.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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