I always enjoy a good Fred and George story and I really enjoyed this one.
I like the way you portrayed them as 5 year olds so anxious for the responsibilities and prestige of beng 6. Their personalities and interactions seemed very fitting for their age, but we alo saw strong traces of the characters they would become in the books.
I also liked how you managed to work in some canon details like Arthur's fondness for muggle objects. I think any young kid would be fascinated by a whipped cream can, and even more so if they had grown up in a magical family.
This was a feel good story and its off to a good start.Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review! Whipped topping is a most excellent fascination, isn't it??
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So I'm all caught up, and I really enjoyed reading your story. You write very well, and it's been free of distracting typos and grammar problems. Everything flows really nicely and you mix up your narrative and dialog really well. Moreover, everything really sounds like it's coming from the perspective of young children. There's a childlike wonder to it all that's really entertaining.
I grimaced when they handed the whipped cream cans to Ginny. I knew exactly where that situation was heading. Little Ginny is really adorable. She's so sassy and impatient, just the way she turns out later on. I loved the way you wrote her and Ron in this.
Bill and Charlie are such great older siblings. Even Percy isn't so bad. You're really captured the closeness of the whole family from a very touching and believable way.
My only suggestion for this chapter is I would have enjoyed having the section between Ginny starting to spray whipped cream and Arthur intervening to fix the problem be longer. I felt like there was a lot more you could have explored there. Everything happens really fast. There seemed like really funny possibilities if you'd had the twins try for longer to fix their mess, perhaps with Percy's assistance or even Ron or Charlie.
Overall, a great chapter! Bravo!Author's Response: Wow. Thanks so much!
I believe that once you have children of your own, all anyone has to do is say "can of whipped cream" and you will automatically know what happens next. :)
I agree with your suggestion, that I could have lengthened the action of that kitchen section. Originally, I had this as a one-shot, so I didn't want it to go on too long... also, a little part of me wanted to show that Arthur was an attentive parent who, even when he got distracted or busy, didn't let his children run off unsupervised for very long. But yes, I might have missed more comedic opportunities by cutting that short. I'm sure by next year, Fred and George will have planned something much more elaborate, especially if Charlie helps! Report Review
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And now I see the reason it was so easy for them to get pretty much their whole room to fit into their closet, because they exploded their furniture. Brilliant. I could so see the boys coming into their magic at a younger age than all their siblings. I am curious as to how the boys think they are going to be responsible in the next chapter. Guess it is a good thing that their furniture is magic proof.
I really enjoyed this chapter and I am excited to see what is going to come next. Great job.Author's Response: Yes, good thing the furniture is magic proof... haha! We don't want to be replacing any more items due to magical mishaps. Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
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This chapter was delightful. I loved all of the fun little details that you managed to cram into it. For starters, the continual changing of Arthur's mood as he goes from topic to topic was entertaining and very much in character. The man just can't stick with a frown for very long and he obviously bores easily. Putting together furniture seems like exactly the sort of project that he would relish.
I really like what you did with Percy. In fact, I loved the way you explained each boy's first magical event, but I thought that Percy's was the most enjoyable. It fit perfectly with his character. Even at a young age, he was so high-strung.
Little Ron and baby Ginny were adorable. So much fun to read, especially her reaction to being shooed from the room.
And the ending was great. What are they about to get up to?
You have a real knack for writing these warm, funny family moments. I can't wait to get into more of the meat of the story.Author's Response: Aww, thanks for the warm and fuzzy review!
When you have brilliant children, the emotional roller coaster of being proud and then concerned and then bursting with pride again can get to you after a while. :)
Yes, I bet Percy would have a lot to say about a lot of things, even at a young age. "High strung" is a good way to describe it! Thanks so much for your words! Report Review
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Here with your review. I really liked this chapter. I think that this is going to be a really cute and fun story to read. I thought that even for such a short chapter it flowed well and the pace was just right. I shudder to think of the amount of trouble those two could have gotten into if they were to get a baby dragon. My favorite part was the fact that they were able to get pretty much their whole room into their small closet by stealing their older brothers wand, that seemed so much like something they would do.
Great job.Author's Response: Hi! Fred and George can certainly get into a lot of trouble when left to their own devices. Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
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Aw, that was so cute! You really did a great job writting two little boys (but almost grown-ups) in this chapter; writting children can be tricky sometimes but you really had no trouble getting into their brilliant minds.
Fred and George's plans in this chapter are really nice beginnings to their older pranking ideas. I like how you managed to come up with small plans that show their nature in that style. I mean that every child will hide everything in their closet when asked to clean their room and think that they are the smartest but true to their nature, they didn't stop there and actually gave away everything that didn't fit in the closet. This is what defines those two; that they will take an ordinary idea and push it so far, it makes it original.
The fixation on time was perfect as well; so very much like five years / six years old who have just mastered reading time. Every second is important to them and especially when it comes to their birthday!
I really loved it; I smiled all the way through and felt equally proud at how strong George was at the end! Great chapter, original and brilliantly executed!Author's Response: Little kids have all kinds of grand plans that they wish they could follow through on. Fred and George have a lot of gumption, so I'm sure that they'd at least attempt to try, where others would simply dream. Thanks so much for your kind words. They made me smile! Report Review
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Ever since finding out that Fred dies in DH, I've been a sucker for good Fred and George-centered stories. They take me back to a time when the story was happier and less gloomy. And this definitely has the makings of a good one.
The way you've portrayed them is really adorable. They seem to be on the cusp of blooming into the notorious pranksters that they will become, but they're not quite there yet. "Borrowing" Bill's wand (I live that you made Charlie the guilty part who actually took it in the first place) was a clever little plot detail. Definitely a harbinger of things to come.
Little kids are so funny when they fixate on age. The way that Fred kept trying to figure their remaining time down to the second was cute and rings very true for a kid that age. Arthur's muggle whipped topping was another great, earthy little touch. The way you've characterized the family is spot on at every level.
And the ending was really touching. Fred is trying so hard to find a way to make his brother feel better without giving them away. The affection comes through really strongly.
Your writing is very solid. I didn't see any misspellings or typos and your grammar was good. Everything flowed really nicely and this was a smooth, easy read.
Well done!Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by and taking a peek!
Yes, I've always thought Charlie had something up his sleeve. You've gotta watch that one! Glad you liked the family. I've never tried to write the entire Weasley clan before. It was quite daunting at first, all of them like moving targets. But it seemed to cme out alright in the end.
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Fred and George are really cute.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Very cute:) love little almost-six-year-old fred and george. They're pretty adorable.Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
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