151 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ChaosWednesday No Rest for the Wicked

11th December 2012:
Hey,it's Whiskey from the formus!

When I read Snape/OC in your request form, I had to sigh. Most Snape/OCs are the most unlikely, fact-ignoring tales of teenage fantasy one can imagine. This, on the other hand, so far sounds like a proper story about Snape! I'm very glad that you've requested it and I'll be sure to read quite a chunk of it if it continues in the same fashion as this chapter.

I liked how it's actually about the wizarding world. Snape is a very political figure: a double spy, a convinced Death Eater, Dumbledore's best man, Hogwarts Professor, etc. His private world is a mystery that we only get a glimpse of during the books, no more. His life is a collection of difficult decisions that always take something from him and leave him with more responsibilities than freedom. It is refreshing to read a fanfic where that is taken into account.

I would also like to compliment you on staying true to the Harry Potter feeling. All of the characters and locations mentioned so far would make sense in Rowlings universe, even the ones you made up (the Guild! :3 I often had to think of video games during the chapter!).

Now some critique:

What threw me off immediately was Karkaroff swearing in Russian. I am pretty sure he isn't Russian. Although his nationality is never explicitly stated in the books, it would make more sense to assume he was Bulgarian (due to his favouritism towards Krum) or even Finish, due to the location of Durmstrang. Just because he is adorned with Eastern European stamps does not mean he is Russian. I just hate assumptions like that. *If* he was Bulgarian, then I suppose he would have learned Russian as a child, so I can grant you that he would know Russian, but it is a far stretch to assume he would chose to swear in it. But I will also grant you this: you managed to avoid any other national stereotypes when describing him, so I suppose that is redeeming :P

Next is this paragraph:"Death Eaters. Stupid name for the Dark Lord's supporters who were dutifully clearing the way for wizards all over the world. It was a war after all, and people had to die. No more hiding, no more coddling those lesser beings... exterminate them when necessary. Karkaroff had no problem sacrificing the Muggles if it meant a quicker victory."
It's kind of confusing, first of all, in terms of pov and point. All I get from it is "Karkaroff=bad", which is not very interesting. Black-and-white-ing your characters is sometimes necessary in order to save space and effort, but in a story about Snape, the most grey-area character of them all, I think it is allowed to show some more moral relativity.

You did the same thing with Snape, which really surprised me. He joined the Death Eaters to protect his family? As far as I know, he joined because he wanted to... After he lost all hope of getting Lily's affections, he chose to overcompensate his self-worth through Muggle-hatered, dark magic and elitism...Right? That doesn't make for a great hero or a romantic interest, but I don't see why you felt the need to change it...

Another thing that confused me was the function of Lucius. I think you characterized him very well and he was a nice addition to the story, but he just popped in to tell Karkaroff to go to Snape? At first I thought Lucius would have gone for him. There could have been a nice moment of hierarchy there.

Besides these few issues, the chapter was a real treat! I know I might sound critical, but I honestly enjoyed it. Snape's trip to the Ministry was described very well, and I really liked his thoughts on how "on the other side" the brightest and most talented only get an assistant job :D It was a nice touch.

Oh, one more thing. This sentence: "For Severus, forcing someone to make amends for their wrongdoing was like waking up to a field of snow in July." I just don't get it! :P This comparison is very, very confusing to me. Amends are...as useless as snow? As out of palce as snow? But why?

Well,I hope I could be helpful! I will review some more soon and I hope you don't hate me for all of the critical bits :P

Author's Response: Hellooo!!

I love you!!

Maybe I'm the only person out there who actually WANTS someone to pick apart my stories and give me specific examples of techniques I used or things I did that didn't work for the reader, but that was exactly the kind of feedback I am looking for. Though it's been revised, blah, blah, I never felt like I got the first chapter "right" in certain little places. You pinpointed those things perfectly.

I see you found some of my choices baffling, which is fair. I assumed Karkaroff was Russian and I made some decisions about Severus that are not commonly accepted. You're right: his characterization is neither heroic, nor romantic. I did take quite a bit of license with some things that I felt were merely "assumed" , yet "not fully proven". You can consider it slightly AU if that helps. And no, it's not a "ship" story. It's a story that happens to include one. I hope that makes you feel a little better... if not, meh. I'ts Snape.

I really wanted to show Snape as a more gray-toned personality. I didn't see that the way I chose to establish his specific back story derailed that until you pointed it out to me. Also, I totally agree that I missed an opportunity to establish Lucius' "function" here. I always felt like I didn't ground him well enough into the story, and you caught that too.

Wow. Please, please, please continue giving me this kind of critical review for as long as you can stand. This is excellent!

Do you take payment in cookies??

Eternally grateful,

pix


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Review #27, by Jchrissy Line of Fire

3rd December 2012:
YAY!

I've been meaning to get back here for so long, then when I have time I do my review thread reviews and completely forget. When you tagged me it was an awesome reminder that I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

So I'm here!

TENSION. All the way through. Dorcas shows a lot more than bravery in this, which we already know considering what she's chosen to do with her life, but she shows a sense of acceptance in what kinds of things may happen because of this life. She doesn't seem shaken up anymore than angry that this man was in fact trying to kill her.

And then you whirl us from that, to the quite danger placed in the manor. Even the mention of Draco injured my heart just a bit, he never had a chance.

I love that you don't make Severus seem like this perfect man who was so brave and amazing to act as double agent. He still likes power too much, is very skilled, and not altogether pleasant. But he's also not a bad person. So far I really enjoy the balance you've found with him, and you have so much skill at writing him.

This chapter was an amazing one to come back to! And now I'm kicking myself for taking so long!

See you soon ♥

Author's Response: It's Jchrissy!!

Hey, you felt the tension. That's great! I was hoping for loads of it throughout the story. It's hard to maintain that kind of intensity for long periods of time.

Learning how to characterize Severus Snape as a young, early twenties sort of man was a real chore, let me tell you. I like to think of the early twenties as the time in one's life when you're old enough to know better, but you're young enough to do stupid things now and then anyway. Severus always struck me as the type of person who was acutely aware of his surroundings and the people around him. I loved discovering his self-aware nature and then running with it. It brought him the sense of nobility that I craved to write about without sacrificing his selfish nature that we see in canon. I'm glad you appreciate my interpretation of him here.

Poor Draco! At least he partially inherited his father's hair. It's the only redeeming feature about Lucius Malfoy that I could find. Honestly.


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Review #28, by Jchrissy Nowhere But Up

20th August 2012:
Okay, first of all something out the crickets just really disgusts me and creeps me out. The entire situation with the four of the Death Eaters creeps me out in a - half of you are so dumb that you're dangerous, one of you is smart enough to be more dangerous - then Snape just really makes me feel the difference between all of them.

I really liked the beginning with Karkaroff and Netterheim. It was such a stressful game they were playing, each making a move and waiting to call the others bluff. It was really well written and absolutely captivated me.

I love Dorcas. I want to hug her. I don't even want to read anymore because I don't want anything bad to happen to her, ever ;(.

Sorry it's taken me ages to get to the next chapter, stupid RL! But I'm so happy I finally made it back because this was an incredible one!

Author's Response: Hi there! Welcome back!

I suppose that if you weren't halfway creeped out by the crickets, I'd have to worry about you. It was meant to be creepy, so I guess I did it right. ;)

Netterheim was my favorite OC in this story! I'm glad you liked the back and forth between him and Karkaroff. And I'm doubly pleased you are getting along with Dorcas. Sometimes, she came off to me as too headstrong with not enough sense, but that's what the story dictated so I had to run with it. She does what she thinks is right, which is all we can ask of anybody.

Thanks so much for coming to visit! Don't feel guilty about RL. It happens all the time. Dorcas will be here when you get another breather. :)



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Review #29, by Dracolovergirl5000 Infinitely Interesting

13th August 2012:
I like the plot overall. think it builds and keeps readers interested. I am not really familiar with Dorcas though, and as one of the main characters I was confused in the last chapter, but brushed it aside, and can't help but pointing out That I can't help with characterization in this. I do like the story, it is written well and the structure is good. It is interesting, I just don't like how I don't know the main character.

Author's Response: Hello!

I guess no one really knows Dorcas, since in canon, she was only a name on a list. Thanks for the review!


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Review #30, by Jchrissy An Intense Beige

1st August 2012:
Blahh I love you forever. Sorry it's taken me years to get here, also I'm on me iPhone so this will probably have a slew of random auto corrections.

But I love you forever due to the lily section. It's perfect. Yes, he misses her friendship and hates the men
She married, but that's all. Snape doesn't THINK he loves her until after she dies, IMO. Even then
He doesn't actually love her, his quilt just spends years strengthening until he decided she's the soulmate he killed.

Anyway, I love you for having him like this. You make it clear that he's unrequited affection isn't prominent any more.

Oh those delightful death eaters are persistent ones aren't they?

'it was mainly the blood-among other things' or whatever the sentence was, was so perfect.

Loved this chapter ♥ can't wait to continue!

Jami

Author's Response:

Jami's back!

Wow you really don't like Snilly, do you? That's fine by me. It works for this story, and obviously, you're already sold. Did you get my brownies?

I think your iphone gave me a great plot bunny. We should definitely explore Severus' enthusiasm for quilting and how deeply it permeated his psyche in his later years... how handling the batting gave him comfort in his times of depression and loneliness... the dedication and focus that hand stitching requires... oh the possibilities! :P

I had a fun time writing those nasty guys! Glad you are appreciating them.

Thanks so much for coming back! More brownies for you!


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Review #31, by Roots in Water Infinitely Interesting

29th July 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

Ah- unorthodox interpretations- that's an interesting way to put the changes you've made to the traditional understanding of events. But I like it! :) Different takes on things is what makes us human and keeps this world interesting. Can you imagine what it would be like if everyone thought in the exact same manner? (But I'm getting off topic here... Back to your review!)

I really liked this chapter. You're definitely moving the story along and it's interesting to see a different concept of how Snape joined the Order. I liked how Dorcas kept thinking that someone should stay to fight, instead of running away, because when Snape finally became that person who was willing to fight it challenged the stereotype that all Slytherins are "evil".

As well, I liked how you wrote their interactions in this chapter. It was nice to see that they could look past the immediate House stereotypes to work together (however roughly). In particular, I liked the conversation they had about potions- it worked to ease their relations with each other and show Dorcas' intelligence. However, I felt that at times they were a little too casual with each other- I find it hard to imagine Severus discussing Dorcas' romantic troubles.

Once again I think that you did a great job with your description. You made it easy to imagine the bar (especially with all of the "classy" women). I really like how easily you're weaving the lives of Dorcas and Severus together (among other characters). Their interactions flow really smoothly and their meetings seem natural.

However, I was a little surprised when Moody only put up a Silencing charm befoe discussing Order business. I would have thought that he, as a very paranoid person, would have cast a few other spells to ensure that they couldn't be overheard, such as a spell to ensure that there weren't any Animagi within hearing distance. But then again, this could be before he learned to be that paranoid, since he is younger here...

As well, with the phrase "much too interested in hanging off his arm than Dorcas had ever been" I think that "more interested" fits better with the sentence and with the sentences " 'Sorry. What are you doing here?' (new paragraph) He looked pained for a moment, but then closed his notebook. 'I don't... never mind.' it sounds as though we're missing something between the paragraphs because Severus' shift in thought seems sudden (but that could just be me).

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this chapter. It did a lot to advance the plot as well as expand on (and introduce) your characters without seeming overfull. Thanks for requesting and please feel free to re-request!

Author's Response: Hello again!

That dialogue section was pretty tricky to navigate. I wanted to show that the characters not only knew each other, but also knew things about each other, and had a familiarity that they could build upon. It was hard to find the right words to convey that.

I honestly don't know how paranoid Moody was in this time period. It's anyone's guess, really. And thanks for pointing out that paragraph. I'll take a look at it again.

I'm very glad that you found the plot moving along and that the character interactions felt natural!

Thanks so much for another detailed review!


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Review #32, by Roots in Water No Rest for the Wicked

24th July 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

This is certainly an interesting beginning to a story. Even though you didn't specify it in the genre section, is it AU-ish? Not that I mind- I love reading about alternate universes. I was just wondering because it looked as though you'd changed a few facts, such as Igor Karkaroff's age and his involvement on Voldemort's side. But please correct me if I'm wrong. :)

As for your plot, I think that you're off to a great start with it. It's an interesting idea that a potion can increase your magical powers, though I hope that you go into further detail about how the potion works in a later chapter since increasing your magical powers would definitely be something that wizards and witches would be interested in and it's surprising that others haven't used the potion before (though I suppose that they might have and just not recorded their use). As well, increasing your magical abilities through a potion sounds a little far-fetched, so it will be interesting to see how you explain the logic behind the potion.

The way you had Karkaroff manipulate Severus was well done, though I'm curious as to why his parents were murdered. If that was one of the only things that they were able to hold over his head, it wouldn't make sense for them to rid themselves of it. Now, it's far more likely that Severus won't help them make the potion, which will prevent Karkaroff from becoming the second most powerful wizard. Could you explain the logic behind this choice (unless, of course, it comes into play in a later chapter)? Was it simply a foolish move on Voldemort's part?

I think that you did a fantastic job with your description in this chapter. It was very easy to visualize what was happening and the words flowed very smoothly from one to the next.

For the paragraph that starts with "You are late." I had some trouble identifying who said which sentences until I realized that Karkaroff had said both things. I think that it would be less confusing if you included a reference to his cigarette in the "he said..." sentence.

All in all, I think that you did a great job with your first chapter. It's very intriguing to see what Severus does next, since it looks like this is the moment where he will turn to Dumbledore's side (a change from the usual assumption of how his role as a spy began). Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful! Feel free to re-request!

Author's Response: Hello there!

You brought questions!

First off, I don't consider this story to be AU. I have definitely taken a different spin and given unorthodox interpretations to certain canonical and fanfic "ideas". If it makes it better for you to call what I did AU, then I won't be offended. ;)

I'm not sure canon actually says how old Karkaroff is exactly. We know he was marked before Voldemort disappeared, so he must have been a Death Eater in the first war. Other than his time in Azkaban after that and his appointment to Durmstrang, I don't think canon has anything else to say about him during this time period. If you have other information about him, I'd love to know.

You should be curious as to why his parents were murdered. The only thing we know right now is what Severus thinks has happened. The logic I used was this: he's such a newbie at this point in time that he doesn't see himself having much choice in anything. He does or dies. He's grown frustrated by being constantly manipulated by the authority figures around him, as most anyone would.

As far as his motivations go, things become clearer in chapter two, or maybe three... I can't remember.

Thanks for your detailed and thoughtful review! I would love to re-request!



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Review #33, by Jchrissy Daring To Suck

24th July 2012:
I see someone took enough chemistry to actually create an amazing and believable potion... Or do we need to discuss the possibility of market on your arm not actually being marker?! Dun dun dun!

Snape, Avery, Wilkies, Lucius oh my!! Seriously, every DE section was great and very realistic. Lucius has some serious nerve, doesn't he?

I just remembered again what happens to
Dorcas in canon, and it really depressed me because I starting to love these two as a ship :(;(.

You give the perfect amount of detail without there being too much. You set the scene then let your characters take over. It's perfect!

You are really making this an addicting story, Pix.

And now where oh where is Severus off to?!

Author's Response: Hi there!

What? That? Oh, that's, umm...grease. Yeah, grease from oiling my, umm... my bicycle chain this morning. Yeah...

Lucius DOES have a lot of nerve. And other things that make him perfect for his role. And if he continues to give Severus tips on hair care, then we're all good.

You've ALREADY bought into the ship?? Holy Mother of Squirrel, it's only chapter three! You get a free t-shirt! :P

Aww, thanks for enjoying the story. I love hearing your thoughts along the way!

pix


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Review #34, by Jchrissy Infinitely Interesting

23rd July 2012:
Why are you making me like him?? Why?? I swear, between you and Jane I may actually one day enjoy Snape in a story. As long as he isn't with Lily.

At a bar, head down... he just felt so defeated here. Snape is never defeated. Why are you defeating him? I know why. Because it's brilliant. Because you are already showing new colors that are making me not think he's such a slimy slime anymore. Well, that's definitely a plus. Because I am loving this story and I think feeling sympathetic towards one of the main characters and not hating is probably best.

Moody! Ahhh, can I love you forever for including him? I feel like so many stories that take place in this era forget about him. You didn't! And all of your dialogue scenes are so natural! It makes the discussions a million times better to read.

Snape wants them to pay for what he did. Not because of this ancient unrequited Lily love. Can I bow down to you? Because I seriously love you at this point.

I also really love that you've included what he was working on, it was so creative and just took this chapter one step deeper.

Okay. Fine. I love it. I'm here - I'm a Snorcas fan.. You win this round Pixp.. and as long as there are no Lily and Snape reunited moments.. you just may have me hooked. You are a very smooth and talented writer who has captured the ability to truly bring life into characters. Amazing job, darling ♥

Author's Response: Aww, another Snorcas shipper! I love you!!

You won't find any Snilly in this fic, I promise. That's not what this story is about. In fact, I don't mind repeating myself when I say that I believe the character of Severus Snape is too complex to be shaped by a single event in his life. There had to be layers, and this is my attempt to give him some. (That doesn't mean that he won't think about her from time to time - she was definitely someone who shaped him, so I couldn't exclude her completely from the story). And yeah, it's amazing what a shower and a little shampoo can do. :P

Moody was so fun to include in this story! I really enjoyed writing him. And thanks for the dialogue compliments! They are sometimes hard to wrangle. I did my best.

Usually, it takes people about four or five chapters to really get into this story, but if I've gotten you at two, I won't complain! :)

Yay! It's another reader!


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Review #35, by Jchrissy No Rest for the Wicked

23rd July 2012:
Okay. Despite Dan's constant praise, I've been avoiding this. I do not like Snape. But I'm learning it may only be Snape and Lily I don't like, and you hare helping me prove that point to myself because this was an amazing, intoxicating first chapter. I felt pity for Snape, for this lost young man who was already willing to risk his soul to protect.

I'm a bit scared of you. You did an amazing job entering the world of the Death Eaters. That's been my most difficult thing. Do you have, ya know... any kind on your forearm?

All jokes aside, this was one of the best first chapters I've come across. You already made me interested to get to the bottom of all the unanswered questions, you dove write it, you introduced Karkaroff and Lucius as well as Dorcas and Snape and Netterheim. You gave me plenty of detail to put me in the correct mental frame and show me a picture, but once you had the detail there you let your story take control and do the talking.

A very interesting and emotional first chapter that I really loved! My heart hurt for Snape when he admitted that he hadn't seen his mother since Christmas three years ago :(.

Great Job!!

Jami

Author's Response: Hi there, and welcome to my little story!

You are not alone in avoiding this story. Most people do. ;) Thanks for taking a chance and peeking at it!

*checks arms* Hmm... let's see. That looks pretty dark. Oh, wait. Chocolate smudge. Then there's... nah! That's marker from yesterday. Nope. No tattoos that I can see. Whew! You had me worried there for a minute!

I did feel like I needed a detox session after writing this, if that's what you were wondering. Maybe I should go with Hannah to that Spa Resort after all! Haha! If you make it through this thing, you can come too!

Ahh, first chapters! How I hate them! I don't understand how ANYONE can write a first chapter and then not have to change it when the story is over. I mean, I had a pretty good idea of where this plot was going when I started, but when I finally got to THE END, I had to go back and make things work and add new connections that cropped up and do some serious editing for continuity. I didn't start posting this until I was completely done with the first draft, and well into the revision. I'm so glad all that work paid off!

Glad you made your own connections to the characters too. That means a lot to me. Thanks so much for your lovely review!

pix


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Review #36, by daretodream Leave It Colder

21st July 2012:
It's over?

It feels kind of surreal ending this way. On one hand, I am so so happy that Severus got whatever justice that he could for Dorcas. On the other, I just feel like it wasn't enough.

Nothing would ever be enough to me. She died for this cause she so believed in, and no amount of people going to prison will bring her back.

I can only imagine the suffering that Severus went through for all the years until his death. Especially considering he undoubtedly blamed himself for her untimely and unfair death.

And Avery...right up until the very end, revealing new things about himself. I can't believe that he did that, but I am glad that it gave Severus an opportunity to get vengeance for his mother at least. Still, of all people, Avery. There will be no comforting thought that they didn't suffer needlessly, because I'm certain they did.

The ending, for me at least, is bittersweet.

I very much enjoyed your story. Thank you for the wonderful read.

~Cassie

Author's Response:

Yes, it's over. I can't believe you got through the entire thing!

I had a really difficult time deciding how to end this story. I didn't want to get into the grief over Lily, because that would take the focus away from the ship that I built up in the story. But if you could see how Lily's death (in the future, which would be the next day, actually) would affect him, right after everything else he went through, then I think it bridges into the canon story... hopefully... or at least it's supposed to. *shrug*

Avery, at the very least, gave Severus a tiny amount of closure, probably the only bit of vengeance he was going to get. I had to at least give him that much.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing all these chapters! It means a lot to me that you got into the story and related to these characters and got pulled into my dark and twisted plot! I loved hearing your thoughts and reactions all the way through!

Again, thank you!

pix



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Review #37, by daretodream Save Your Breath

21st July 2012:
I just knew she was dead, I knew it!

I so feel for Severus this chapter, which should really show what a talented author you are, because I truly do have a rather adament dislike of him. I just, it's like his suffering was practically tangible and I could feel it, just like he knew that Dorcas was gone.

I can't believe that Malfoy covered it all up for him though. I knew something was going to have to happen, because obviously Snape survives, but that wasn't what I was expecting the solution to be.

But oh, how I felt for him when he went back to their hiding spot and found her bad. This sympathy for him, it's something I wasn't expecting.

Only one more chapter!

~Cassie

Author's Response:
You flatter me with your compliments! I'm so... I don't want to say that I'm happy that you feel so badly for Severus, but at the same time, I'm pleased that you could sympathize with the character and really got into the story as much as you did.

I'm sorry if it caused you discomfort.

And... unexpected is good, right? Surprise?



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Review #38, by daretodream Close Your Eyes

21st July 2012:
DORCAS.

She's gone, I just know it (of course she's gone, the only thing said about her in canon is that Voldemort killed her). The only positive thing I can say about this entire situation is at least she brought down a fair amount of Death Eaters with her.

I am so angry at her uncle right now though. I never liked Rookwood to begin with, but he played such a part in this whole disaster! In my opinion, he should have died rather than betray the people you're supposed to love.

I can only imagine how hard this whole situation will be on Severus.

~Cassie

Author's Response: Yes, I agree with you. In a fair world, Rookwood should have been inside that shield bubble with the rest of them. And then Severus wouldn't have left her side and they'd have had half a chance.

We'll just call that the "alternate ending", shall we? :)


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Review #39, by daretodream Water Over Wine

21st July 2012:
I still have an eerie feeling about this entire story! I don't want anything to happen to Dorcas!

There is no way they are going to be able to save everyone in time! That stupid (best 12+ word I could think of) poison is going to be the end of all of them, whether directly or indirectly. So essentially, Severus is going to kill Dorcas.

I wish they could just leave now and run away to their hiding spot. Still, I know they can't.

I'm so angry at Rookwood right now. Whether or not he meant to put Dorcas in danger, he acted irresponsibly, got in over his head and now at least part of this is her fault. The Death Eaters are looking for her, that's not going to help with keeping her alive.

I'm so nervous.

~Cassie

Author's Response: Oh, what a horrid thought that Severus is going to kill Dorcas! That IS kind of creepy and ominous, and would make for an excellent thriller... hmm...

Rookwood was another character that threatened to derail my story at several points. Unfortunately, Dorcas has proven to both sides how useful she might be. But I guess that's what you get when you hang out in Death Eater haunts.

Knowing that you care so deeply for Dorcas makes me feel like I did a decent job with her character. Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #40, by daretodream Time of Inconvenience

21st July 2012:
Oh my goodness, this can't end well! But at least he has the antidote.

But they suspended Dorcas? The Ministry in this story is horribly incompetent (which only makes sense I guess, because they were also pretty incompetent in JK's version). It angers me though, how little they seem to be accomplishing, and that they can't focus on the truly important things because they are too busy wondering about the stupid ones.

And Severus wants Dorcas to come with him! I was so happy for her when she realized that she actually meant something to him too, because it would have been tragic if she didn't know that. Now I just want them to ride off into the sunset and have dozens of babies, but I know that isn't how it is going to happen.

Can't wait to see what happens with Lucius!

~Cassie

Author's Response: I am just so thrilled that you keep reading this story!!

I was trying to mirror the great Ministry mess that let Voldemort take control. You'd think they would be bright enough to prevent that sort of thing.

Awww! You bought the ship! That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Since this is a canon-ish story, I guess we both know it can't end well... but it's a nice thought.

Thanks so much for more great reviews!


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Review #41, by daretodream Missing Pieces

21st July 2012:
I'm getting an eerie feeling about the entire story now (I'm guess it's because it is coming closer to the end, and I already know I am NOT going to like whatever happens to Dorcas).

Dorcas is getting a bit reckless, no? Then again, what does she really have to lose at this point? Severus. And apparently, if his plans follow through the way that he has them going at the moment, she is goign to lose him anyways.

He got approved by the Guild though, which would seriously be cause for celebration if it weren't for the conditions under which he recieved this approval.

Netterheim still makes me uneasy. I don't think that's ever going to stop.

Karkaroff though, he knows now. And Dorcas is going to be in trouble because of what he now so obviously knows. Talk about bad timing on her part though? Right when he walks into the bank. That's just bad luck.

~Cassie

Author's Response: Oh! You're just now getting an eerie feeling? No, you're not going to like it, I'm afraid.

Nah, Karkaroff really had nothing to do with the Guild's approval. That was just something to bait Severus with, and the poor guy didn't know any better. Netterheim isn't entirely above-board here, so it's okay that you're not embracing him entirely.

And yeah, Dorcas really had some bad luck there. I could have had all kinds of things happen to her in the bank, but I figured this way was so much worse. I know, I'm bad. But part of this story was to get over not being able to put my characters in bad spots. Do you think I went overboard with that?


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Review #42, by daretodream Ordinary Determination

21st July 2012:
Oh man, what is Severus thinking?

Does he even understand what he just created? There are better ways of protecting Lily Severus! You just created a monster!

I mean, I can see his reasoning, but wow. The tragedy that one action will cause.

And poor Dorcas. How is she supposed to know what to do right now, when she has nothing besides Severus? I feel so badly for her, I can't even express it.

I like that Severus can see the irony in Voldemort having the McKinnons killed, especially if, as you said, pureblood is to be valued above all else. If her baby would have been purebloooded, wouldn't it have made more sense to at least wait until she had the baby and then take it before destroying the family? So hypocritical.

~Cassie

Author's Response: Yes, he just created a monster, but he didn't know what else to do. Sometimes all the choices he has are bad ones. Poor guy! This scene was the genesis for the plot of the whole story, if you can believe that. I really wanted to showcase the Legilimens magic and its many applications. It's fascinating to me. And creepy.

Yeah, Voldemort wasn't really about blood purity. He just gave his minions something to rally around while he got control of everything.

Stupid war!


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Review #43, by daretodream Social Inequities

21st July 2012:
Not the McKinnons!

Oh no, that's so tragic. I mean, I knew it was coming, but still, couldn't I pretend that it wasn't all real? That would have been nice.

So, I guess the war is truly going in full swing right now, no? I'm still so upset about Marlene, that will probably pop in my review over and over again.

But poor Dorcas, this has been a devstating couple of days for her. First her uncle's involvement with the Death Eaters (even if it was unintentional and not entirely of his own free will) and then what happened to Marlene. It's bound to take a heavy toll on her.

I can't even imagine what she is going through, or what a toll this is going to take on her and Severus' relationship!

~Cassie

Author's Response:

Aww! You knew this was coming. There has to be a moment where things fall to pieces. Unfortunately, in their world, that is more the norm than the exception.


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Review #44, by daretodream Hand of Corruption

21st July 2012:
Netterheim still makes me uneasy. I'm certainly not his biggest fan, but he didn't creep me out this chapter like he did in the alst. And I like that he ins't afraid to speak his mind. He will just tell Slughorn how it is.

So, Karkaroff knows Snape has figured it out. This has the potential to go very, very badly. I'm hoping that Severus will be able to discover the antidote in time, but who knows? One way or another, this whole thing is going to end badly and will result in him losing Dorcas.

So, I'm a bit confused as to who Dorcas' uncle is? Is it Rookwood? Because that's who I am thinking (she said he has known her name since she was born, it only makes sense). Or am I missing something? It certainly wouldn't be the first time I missed something important.

I loved Dorcas when they were talking about Mulciber's sister. I could almost see the look on her face, I swear.

~Cassie

Author's Response:
Slughorn was a surprise when he showed up in this story. Good thing Netterheim kept him in line. Otherwise, I'd have had to chase him out myself!

I've had a few people tell me they were confused when Rookwood showed up, and that whole scene with Dorcas at the amusement park. It gets clearer later on, but maybe I should consider not being so ambiguous here. This gives me something to think about, thanks!

Thanks for another great review!


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Review #45, by daretodream Weary of My Scars

19th July 2012:
They're finally together!

To be honest, I'm happy they've finally admitted it to themselves and to each other. It's about time! They've both been tiptoeing around each other for far to long.

I like that what prompted this whole thing was them yelling at each other, angry. Dorcas' recklessness and Severus' protectiveness of her lead to them finally coming together. It is only fitting that that should be the way that it happens.

She truly is being reckless still going to Marlene's, but I don't blame her. It's her best friend, and she won't let the Death Eaters stop what she wants to do. Plus, with Mad Eye there, how badly can it go?

My guess is pretty badly.

I am happy though, that they're together. But I don't like Netterheim. Something about him makes me uncomfortable, especially in this chapter.

~Cassie

Author's Response:

I'm so glad you bought into this chapter! I always get nervous when people come to this part. It's either going to make or break the story right here.

You have good instincts. Though Netterheim isn't really the one you need to be worrying about...

Thanks again for continuing to read and review!


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Review #46, by daretodream Losing Solvation

19th July 2012:
A cliffhanger?!?! Well, that's not very nice, now is it?

I'm so worried for Marlene. Even as only a periphary character, I know what is going to happen to her and I don't want that to be the case! I'm just hoping it doesn't happen soon. You know, in my opinion it's always good to just delay the things that you don't want to happen.

If I pretend that Snape isn't, well, Snape, I really like him and Dorcas as a couple. They go nicely together, and he doesn't blatantly outsmart her.

She was really being a bit bold with the Lily bit though. I understand why she had to do it, but I was expecting Severus to react badly.

And Avery seriously creeps me out, but you said he should. Talk about a mentally disturbed human being. Trophies of his victims, dead crickets pinned to the wall? Seriously messed up.

Still? A cliffhanger? Not very nice.

I have to just keep moving on.

~Cassie

Author's Response:

No, cliffhangers aren't meant to be nice. :P

You just go ahead and pretend that Snape is whoever you want to make you comfortable. ;) I'm glad you see Dorcas as compatible with his character. That was honestly, one of the hardest things to figure out in this fic.

Dorcas would be bold like that, I think. She has a bit of bluntness to her that can be out of place at times. And really, Severus could either lash out at her or explain himself. So of course, he leaves.

I think someone said they were almost feeling sorry for Avery until this chapter. He was my favorite character to mess with... I couldn't help myself.

So happy that you're enjoying the story!


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Review #47, by daretodream Like a Stone

19th July 2012:
Dorcas and Severus are getting closer. I'm guessing that their relationship, will, in part at least, be responsible for her death? It only makes sense, but who knows? He doesn't understand why he feels for her, which is slightly amusing to me. They're falling, slowly but surely (my favorite way).

And Sybill. Oh Sybill. Using her grandmother's (and my own) name on her shop in order to bring more people in. A clever idea.

Dorcas should really start being more careful though. She's going to get herself into trouble unless she starts to be less reckless. Because reckless is possibly the best word I can think of for going into Knockturn Alley on the day of a Death Eater attack at the Ministry. Honestly.

Wonderful chapter!

~Cassie

Author's Response:

The relationship-building in this story has to be slow. Otherwise, it would be far, far from unbelievable and that wasn't what I was going for. Still, with a character like Severus, resistance is expected.

I loved messing with Sybill! I wish I had a plot bunny to use her in. She's so unhinged!

Lots of people say that about Dorcas. But the thing about Dorcas is, she's determined. Sometimes, that's not a good thing.

Thanks for another great review!


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Review #48, by daretodream Line of Fire

19th July 2012:
Well, you weren't kidding when you said that Josef was a bad man. I can't believe he tried to kill Dorcas? Maybe he had gone to her flat before to warn her? I'm not sure, but he's gone now.

I'm glad Marlene is safe, especially considering she is pregnant. That was quite the risk she was taking continuing to go into the Ministry for work, especially when they knew the was an attack coming. I'm glad she's all right, but shudder to think what might have happened had Severus not told Dorcas in advance.

Again, I appreciated that Severus and Dorcas' relaitonship is slowly inching closer together. He didn't want to find her in the morgue, which is usually a sign of friendship, at the very least.

Avery is definitely a bad guy, and honestly, seems a bit like a sociopath. Then again, a lot of the Death Eaters do if we're being honest.

And Karkaroff. What a miserable excuse for a human being. Still can't believe he eventually got out and was allowed to run a school. Then again, I also can completely believe it.

Fabulous!

~Cassie

P.S. Don't bother rerequesting, because I'm going to come back and finish this on my own anyways, I'm too far in to stop now. It might take me a little longer, depending on how many requests I get over the next few days, but this will surely be done by the end of the weekend, maybe even the end of the day :)

Author's Response: Wow. So many gifts!

Between you and me, I had a feeling that Josef wanted to bring Dorcas over to the dark side, but that's just supposition on my part. Like you said, he's gone now.

Severus is good for something. Preventing the early demise of pregnant women certainly will put him one up on the "good deeds" list. For now. And yes, he doesn't want to see anything bad happen to Dorcas either.

Sociopath is a good word for Avery. And so are a few other non 12+ words that I can think of. :P

I wondered about Karkaroff too. Who in their right mind would put someone like that in charge of children??

Thanks so much for taking an interest in my story! I love your reviews!


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Review #49, by daretodream Nowhere But Up

19th July 2012:
Josef makes me feel really suspicious. I don't like him, but I do think that I want to know what exactly it is that he has to say. I have a feeling it might turn out to be important, no?

Still, I love that Severus got rid of him. I've said it before, but I don't dislike your Severus. Sometimes I tell myself he is someone else to make that easier to swallow.

I don't know how to explain it really, but I feel like you capture the everyday parts of life really well, without making it tedious. Does that even make sense?

I can't believe Severus is moving in with Dorcas! It makes sense though, no? You did say this was a Severus/Dorcas fic I do believe. Well, I think you're doing a really good job of slowly intergrating their relationship. I'm glad to see it's not just the type thing that is just sprung on you. I don't see many Death Eater/Order Member relationships just spontaneously popping up.

Avery is a disturbing character. He makes me nervous.

Great chapter!

~Cassie

Author's Response:

Hi again!

Josef is a bad guy. Even Severus can sense that. If I've gotten you to tolerate Severus, even a little bit, then I have done my job. :) We do what we have to. Haha! He's not yet the Snape from the books, if that makes you feel any better.

Yes, that makes perfect sense. Showing characters doing boring things is well, boring. But I wanted to show what "normal" might have looked like for Dorcas and how the war affected people's everyday routines. I don't know if I got that far with it, but it was fun trying.

Haha! If we saw a bunch of Death Eater/Order relationships pop up everywhere, that would be a good way to end the war, wouldn't it? *thinks*

And Avery... more on him later. You should be nervous.

You have made my day with your lovely reviews! I love hearing your thoughts on this story!

pix


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Review #50, by daretodream An Intense Beige

19th July 2012:
Oh Severus.

I have to admit, I got really nervous when you had him go to Lily and James' house. For some reason, the Severus/Lily pairing, even if unrequited, makes me unreasonably angry, so I saw something bad happening there, especially if he tried to make contact.

He didn't, but then I was a bit confused about the complete lack of unrequited feelings from Severus for Lily? Wasn't he supposed to be in love with her his whole life? Or are you interpretting that love as a love of friendship and later guilt? I'm not sure, but I'm intrigued to find out. Either way, I much prefer it to the Severus/Lily pairing. I ship James/Lily quite determinedly.

I love your Dorcas, and that fact that she is capable of acknowledging that what she is doing is stupid. It means that SHE isn't stupid.

I also like your characterization of Lucius. It is easy to see how he became the Death Eater he was, but at the same time, he is still human, which is a challenge to achieve, because how do you make someone who is part of such atrocities relatable? You pull it off.

Another great chapter!

~Cassie

Author's Response:

According to JKR, yes, Severus was SUPPOSED to be in love with Lily his whole life, yadda, yadda. Here, you have correctly interpreted the "love and later guilt" version that I am using for the purpose of this story. It's hard for some hardcore Snilly shippers to swallow, but it was the only way I could make my story feel right. If I was going to ship Severus with anyone, I didn't want it to be a half-hearted attempt at a "Lily replacement". It just wouldn't be fair to anyone involved.

I'm happy that you're on board with what I've done so far. As I have probably said somewhere before, Severus' character is too complex to be shaped by any one single incident in his life.

That's my theory, and I will stand by it. :)

As for Dorcas, well... I did what I could. I don't agree with a lot of what she does in this story. Lucius was incredibly fun to write, for some reason. I'm glad you're finding him relatable.

Another great review! Thanks so much!


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