Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, Susan! French internet is the worst, then I've been busy at home but finally here!
Gosh, I love this. I quite missed Scorpius, though; even if he was there, his silence was quite obvious and I think that helped emphasise how important he is to the whole scenario. This couldn't just be Al - it wouldn't carry in the same way as it does with the pair of them. Their relationship was written so well in the first two chapters and here, the little interaction they had was the same. I do hope his voice comes back soon, though!
The girl - so many questions. I love how you're pacing the story. It's absolutely perfect and the suspense is there without making it too over the top and dramatic. You've struck the perfect balance and I don't know why I even bother saying so really because it's you and I feel so daft pointing out things like that.
Also, BOMB! I hope you update soon because that's completely got my interest captured again. This story is way underreviewed and underappreciated and it's so sad to see it like that but I hope this wasn't too rubbishy. I struggle with reviewing after the first two chapters sometimes!
Wonderful update ^_^Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing, Rachel! It's wonderful to hear from you, and don't apologize for not reviewing sooner - people are busy (I know I am) and I'm an immature, whiny child when it comes to reviews. *hides in hole*
Yes, I really have to work on Scorpius. His silence was funny at first, but when it stretched, I was having trouble filling the space he was meant to fill. It was surprising how important a character he'd already become and how important his interactions with Albus were, both to myself and readers. Now to figure out just what kind of Scorpius I want him to be - he's pretty, but with more to him that Albus refuses to see. ;)
It's great that the pacing and suspense is turning out well, as it's a very different pace from what I'm used to. It moves so quickly that most of the time, I can't keep up and it gets me worrying that I'm going too fast. It's not a description-filled, slow-moving dramatic story, and in more ways than one, I don't know what to do with it.
Which is why I haven't updated in a long time. :S From this point on, the story could become far more serious, and I'm not sure whether that's the right thing for it. Albus and Scorpius would have their banter, of course, but both of them would have to do a lot of growing up if they want to keep the case - which both of them do (eventually). Need to do some plotting, obviously. :P
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and enjoying! It means a lot to hear it from you, Rachel, and I wish I could live up to all your amazing compliments. ^_^ Report Review
And another funny chapter! This was really good. I like how you have mixed the great humor in so well. It doesn't seem like too much to me at any point. Just the right mix of humor and a good plot. The bomb there at the end, interesting. You really slipped it in there nicely.
The one thing I have a bit of a problem with would be Albus's commentary to the reader/about the writing. I honestly think there is a place for a narrator who speaks to the reader, and I think you have some moments where it works, but there were a few too many in my opinion. The one moment I had the biggest issue with was the typo comment. It didn't seem necessary, just odd.
Beside that nit-picky bit, I really did enjoy reading this. And I will be reading your future chapters... I HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS BOMB! haha.
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: Point definitely taken regarding Albus's editorial insertions. I'm never sure how far to take them, but I can see how they're detracting from the pace of the plot, so I've removed them from this chapter, which was already too long anyway, so it's worked out for the best all-round. :D Thanks for mentioning that - it may have seemed like a nit-pick, but it's actually an important aspect of the narrative style for me, and knowing how people were reacting to it is helpful.
It's great to hear that the rest of the chapter has worked out nicely. I wasn't sure how the ending would be accepted, but it makes for a good cliff-hanger - just the sort of thing the plot needed at that point in time, if only to save the guys from that girl. XD She'll be unhelpfully in the way for them, that's for sure.
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this! I really appreciate it! ^_^ Report Review
BUSTED. I quite enjoyed this chapter just as much as the first; really quite comic the way Albus just steamrolls over Scorpius with wit and fast reactions when Scorpius starts blabbing on about how Albus can't tell him what to do. Those two really are quite the pair. I bet they end up enjoying working together when this is all over. And I'm looking forward to how they explain themselves to the girl as to why they were 'spying' on her. Great chapter! :) 10/10Author's Response: Haha, thank you very much! :D It's definitely going to take them a long time to realize that they do actually compliment each other well - they're both too childish to see it just yet. I'm really glad to be getting the humour right in this story - it's surprising how easily Albus's quick wit rolls off the fingers. ;)
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It's wonderful to hear from you! ^_^ Report Review
Susan, this really is quite a fun and hilarious read. I love how you've written and characterised both Albus and Scorpius so far in this first chapter. It's clear that Albus doesn't want to work with Scorpius at all in addition to wanting to work on tougher and more exciting cases, while Scorpius is happy to work on the dismal cases if it means safety. They are complete opposites, which makes the partnership that much more entertaining to read. Great job! :)Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad that you're enjoying it so far! It's a weird little story, and I'm not at all sure where I want to take it (other than the whole question of whether they'll learn to get along or not). It should be fun to see how Scorpius will react to the more exciting bits of this case (they do happen!), especially since he does prefer things to be quieter on the job. I don't know why, in that sense, he became an Auror, but maybe I'll be able to answer that question later on in the story. :D
Thank you for the review! It's great to know what people are thinking of the story so far! ^_^ Report Review
Susan this is just brilliant. It's so dry and snarky and unforced. The narrative is super strong, you paint a scene better than just about anyone I think of.
The Albus and Scorpius interaction is a lot, a lot of fun. It's just so... again, I want to say snarky :P Get the feeling that Al actually does quite like him, despite giving him all the bad jobs and everything. Also love how Scorpius really doesn't seem to see himself as sidekick material, genuinely bewildered as to why Al is treating him like that.
I won't keep squeeing, I'm sure you're getting bored of it already. I really do love this though, hope you get some more up soon!Author's Response: Wow, Jack, this is a brilliant compliment, and I really appreciate it! It's great that this story finally captures that kind of humour I've been seeking for ages - it just had to take a first-person male perspective, I guess. :P
Al is an interesting character because he's serious, snarky, and off in his own little world of film noir detectives and spy stories. XD He really wants to be the detective in one of those stories and that means needing a sidekick, even if it has to be Malfoy. Al's got his own issues. :P
Thanks very much for reading and reviewing! I'm so pleased that you're enjoying the story so far! ^_^ Report Review
I love, love, love Albus so much. He's just so vivid in my mind. It's fantastic to read. This is one of the first bits of writing that I've read in a long, long time that's just played out so well in my head. Everything, the apartment they're sat in and the street they're looking onto and Albus in Starbucks, just fits and I can see it and it's so amazing. Scorpius is fantastic too, and I adored how Albus silenced him for eating loudly; it's my biggest pet peeve so I completely empathised with the poor thing.
If that Bulgarian is Viktor Krum, as I'm inclined to believe he is, you'd best keep Jane away. She'll have a fit. She's found herself a new attractive young man to be the face of him and everything! Fabulous way to integrate him into it, though, if it is indeed him.
You can never quote this to anyone and I'll pray that nobody stalks my reviews but your Albus and Scorpius have made my week. It's not been a good one but this has just cheered me up so much and given me a bit of a fanfiction buzz that I've been missing of late.
And a second set of favourite lines. There were far more than just these three but I'd be here all day:
- the really fatal kind of comfy chair
- Malfoy wasn't effeminate or anything, but sometimes he really, really reminded me of my sister.
- raising his chin like the pampered little pout of a boy he was.
This is a little shorter, just because I don't know what to say or do besides start fangirling and I wouldn't want you to think any less of me! Just know that I completely adore this and I'll be eagerly awaiting the future chapters.Author's Response: lol, really? It's great to hear that Albus comes off the page so clearly and vividly - he's mostly just a voice in my head, one that I don't "see" physically, perhaps because he is the narrator. Now that's scary, living in a character's mind... :P
I thought about making the Bulgarian Viktor, but I don't know if I will, or if he will ever actually appear so that readers can be sure of it. I like the idea of making him no more than a shadow on the edge of the story, with only the barest hint at his true identity present.
I'm so glad that to hear that the silliness of Albus and Scorpius has made your week. They're fun to come back to and write, though I'll have to be careful that I don't push the humour too far - some plot will be necessary in this story. XD There has to be a point when one or both of them realise that they are partners, like it or not, and that they only have each other as allies. I don't want it to become a serious story, but the humour is likely to change key a little. Eventually.
Haha, those were some of my favourite lines to write for this chapter. :D I couldn't resist the Monty Python reference, and making Malfoy all girly just suits someone with a name like Scorpius. That's so cruel of me, I know. ;)
Thank you again for reading and reviewing, Rachel! It's so wonderful to hear from you! I really appreciate it! Report Review
My 2010 resolution to myself was read more of Susan's writing and then it was suddenly 2011 and that resolution hadn't even begun to make a mark on coming true. However, there is a reviewing challenge and a flat with no internet and so adding two and two together means, in my mathematically challenged brain, finally reading and reviewing the work of the people I promised myself I would.
I am so, so glad that I did. This opening chapter was wonderfully refreshing, stylistically perfect and funny to boot. It's been a while since I read something even slightly like this and I've realised that I've been missing out on a fair few laughs around the place.
Albus and Scorpius in a non-slashy story is for starters a breath of fresh air. Everything from the summary to the title to the banner caught my eye with this. I wouldn't say I was hooked from the first sentence but definitely by the end of that first paragraph. Anyone who uses the term 'eager beaver' automatically gets a set of very shiny brownie points in my book. Same goes for 'Pretty Boy', actually.
Albus' voice is just amazing. I don't read him very often as a main character but he's got a fabulous strong presence in this story that just kept me going throughout. He had some fantastic lines and the way he interacts with everyone was so natural and clever. I hadn't paid much attention to the banner until later, but I got a very Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock-yness from him and had to click back to see whether that was how you'd actually envisaged him or whether it was a figment of my imagination. And by that, I've just realised I definitely don't mean identical to Sherlock, more like him fantasising about being him. Or maybe it was just that scene with the scarf that made me think it. I don't know. Rambling.
Scorpius - I can't wait to read more of him, actually. I don't say that too often but I love the way Albus treats him and thinks of him. They interact together really well and since that's going to be the entire basis of the story, I look forward to see how this relationship develops.
All in all, I thought this was an absolutely amazing first chapter. I completely adore it and I shall fly off to read the second right this very moment. Well, in two or three moments because I just want to list a few of my favourite lines:
- I sharply shut out the last words with the very convenient door.
- It was easier for me to think of him as a boy, especially compared to my overpowering masculinity.
- Scratch that. Coward was his middle name.
And just whilst I remember, the description of the new statue in the Atrium of the Ministry was an absolutely gorgeous touch.
Now, onto chapter two ^_^Author's Response: Whoa, Rachel! Long review, much? :P Not that I'm complaining, except for the scrolling up and down while trying to respond to everything.
It's great to hear that the first chapter turned out so well. Catching first lines were never my thing, but catchy first paragraphs, well, they have to mean more, right? ;) And it's fun to include all that word play and the insults such as "eager beaver" - Albus is wonderfully sarcastic, a la Sherlock Holmes, of course, but with a more humourous vein. He's been a curious character for me since the epilogue of DH when Rowling oh-so-wonderfully made him ambiguous right from his name down to the potential for a Potter in Slytherin, and although I typically slot Albus into Gryffindor, that potential for another side to him is always there, and I love that. It makes him way more interesting than Harry himself. :P Not to mention the fact that, as an Auror, Albus has to put up with a lot, particularly his father's legacy, and it leads him into a different perspective on the world.
There is so much Sherlock in this that it hurts. lol, I have to watch the series again before writing another chapter, just so that I can recapture the right atmosphere. I love the combination of humour, action, and drama in the new series, and wanted to see what happened when it was applied to the magical world. So I made Albus want to be a Sherlock or a Sam Spade or a Philip Marlowe - any of those guys would do because they all lead more interesting lives than he does. That's the key to Albus - he's a bored kid, waiting for a lucky break.
It's definitely not going to become a slashy romance, though I'll be playing with bromance, the strengthening of their relationship into a partnership, but it will take the whole story to get there. ;)
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this review! I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review this story! ^_^ Report Review
How I've missed you, Susan! Especially this sort of lighter fic, which you do just as brilliantly as the dark tragedies and such, obviously :P
This reminded me very much of the Albus/Vinny one-shot - are they related, by any chance (because I know you like doing that)? Just the way Albus thinks, narrates, even speaks, to an extent. He's very matter-of-fact, but in a vaguely elitist, almost conceited way, which I like very much for two reasons: 1. Not enough Albus appreciation in fanfiction. and 2. YOU DO IT SO WELL. And I love how you (and he) are so aware of the parallels between the two detectives (as you said, Scorpius would never consider himself a sidekick [why yes, I do stalk your mta]). It's certainly a different take on their dynamic and I love every minute of it.
I'm not sure if I love Scorpius yet. As a character, yes, because he infuriates Albus so superbly, but... I don't know, so far, I can't imagine him outside of the sphere of this particular story. As in, I only get a sense of him through his (divine) banter and not so much what he'd be like outside of this investigation. He's a creature of banter to me, I guess, instead of a full-fledged character in his own right. But that, I am sure, will not be a problem as you go on, so I'm not worried about it. Also, DIVINE BANTER. As much as I adore sexual-tension-related banter, bromance banter - especially yours - is equally good, if not better.
And of course, I respect anyone who can write mystery, because I am not creative enough to think up a crime and then create a set of clues and red herrings and whatnot. So I can't wait to see where this goes and how it blows up into something huge (it will, won't it?) and how the boys deal with it. And each other.
LOVE x INFINITY. Can't wait to see what happens next!
P.S. You used the word "creepers." I LOVE YOU.Author's Response: What? Me write lighter fic? You must be thinking of some other story by some other author. :P This story may be funny, but it's a bit of a temporary thing, and all depends on how long Albus can go before actually throttling Scorpius.
This isn't officially related to the Albus/Vinny one-shot because this story has a different Scorpius than the WTA one. I think, though, that my version of Albus is pretty consistent - for some reason, I can't imagine him being any other way, which is strange because I've written next-gen characters multiple times with multiple characterizations. Albus is the only one who stays the same. I'm glad you like him this way because I do too. ;)
Scorpius is one I still have to work on. The WTA version of him is still stuck in my mind, and I have to purge him properly before developing this Scorpius further - this one's deeper, got more to him than his pretty surface, but Albus refuses to see it. At the moment, it's easier to blame Albus's prejudices, but I have to figure out a way to develop Scorpius through Albus's perspective. Eventually, they do see more eye to eye, that much I know.
*jaw drops* So I can do witty banter! I've always wanted to. ^_^ It's so much fun to write, too, though it requires watching much Sherlock before I can get properly inspired. I prefer bromance banter to the sexual tension variety because there's not all of that double entendre going on - it's more straight forward, and I like that.
It's going to become more of a spy/crime story than a true mystery, but there's always room for red herrings. ;) Mysteries are difficult to write because of the complex plotting they require, so I don't know if I can make it work for this story, not without having more of an idea where I want to take it first.
Thank you SO MUCH for reading and reviewing this story, Gubby! It always means a lot to hear from you - your words (and works) are very inspiring. ^_^ Report Review
I admittedly have been stalking this story since you began it, but never had enough time on my hands to actually leave a review (guilt, guilt!). Here, though, my 50 review challenge has prompted me to actually say a few words in this handy little box. Plus, this gem needs more reviews on it (it's just that good).
This is, well, lovely. Really. Truly. I think I actually clicked on it because of the absolutely GORGEOUS man on your banner (swoon), but stuck with it because your writing is also just as gorgeous. You pull in readers so easily, you know? And your words are just... effortless. They flow. It's lovely.
And I love your characters. They completely spring to life, especially your Potter boy. ;) Every line he says is so rich with texture and the like, it makes him believable and lovely at the same time.
Love it. I don't know if I can say that enough times. But I totally, completely do.
xx RinAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, Rin! It's wonderful for you to leave a review, though it's not required by any means - it's just a lovely bonus that I really appreciate (even though it's taken me ages to respond - very sorry about that).
You think it's that good? REALLY? *jaw drops* It started just as a holiday interlude, and now I don't know if I'll ever get back into the groove of it (may require watching Sherlock over and over again, which I don't mind :P). I'm tickled pink that you love the story and its characters - they are fun to write, though Albus tends to go on tangents and can get preachy at times, silly boy. I have to write more Scorpius into this story - it'll be fun to explore his character further.
Anyway, THANK YOU! It means a lot to receive a review from you. ^_^ Report Review
Hahaha, that was great. Very light and enjoyable to read. It was nice to see someone acting as if they were above Scorpius, I think it's a rarity in FF. Many people portray him as so perfect, I never had a problem with it, but it was really nice to see this other possibility.
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! This story is a bit of an experiment to test my non-romance, humourish, all-male character story skills, so hearing that it's working is fantastic! Albus is really enjoying the ability to look down on Scorpius, and I'm sure he'll milk that to the extreme. ;) Report Review
I love the way Albus insults Malfoy in his thoughts, I love your version of Albus Severus Potter. Also the description of the Ministry of Magic was brilliant I could just picture it. I like the addition of the statues.
Looking forward to the next chapter.Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you! It's fantastic that you like so many elements of this story, and I'm looking forward to writing more of it. :D Report Review
Very good story. I have a feeling that this story will spice up very soon. Please up date when time allows. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you! It's great that you've liked it so far, and hopefully you'll like the next part too. :D Report Review
Hahahaha. I loved this Susan! I was cracking up through the whole thing. Especially the bit about Scorpius being the prettiest Auror. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next as I can imagine the banter between the two will be quite a laugh. :)
Question for you. Which house do you think Albus would have been in at Hogwarts? After reading this especially, I'm interested in your theory. :PAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad that you enjoyed this and its humour. Hopefully I'll be able to continue it along the same lines (if not better ones, eh? :D).
The Albus in this story was probably in Gryffindor - he's more reckless and courageous, which is why he can't see Malfoy as living up to his standards of a proper Auror. I can also see him as a Ravenclaw as I always imagine him as very clever and on the ball. :D Report Review
Facinating. The character of Scorius is very different than what i have seen others write about him. I can see some very funny situations coming in further writing on this. Looking forward to it. Happy writing.Author's Response: For some reason, I prefer writing Scorpius in a different manner from other writers. To me, he's at once ridiculous (with his name) and troubled in his family history - I can't see Draco having a normal child much less a playboy. He's more interesting to write when he's off-kilter. ;)
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story! I'm glad that you've enjoyed the first chapter, and I hope that you enjoy further ones! :) Report Review
susan I love this!
I love the tone and the subtle humour, and all the little things you put in. Albus is brilliant! his voice is perfect.
Like having to actually work with Scorpius Malfoy, the prettiest Auror in history.
that cracked me up, and it was down hill from there! lucky i am reading this during the day so I am allowed to laugh as much as I like.
It is easy to see that you like the detective/crime genre - you have all the nuances spot on.
I am adding this to my favs - I can't wait to see how this pans out. I have theories, but I shall keep them to myself!
Kate xxAuthor's Response: Thank you very much, Kate! And congrats on getting the first review! :D I'm really glad that the humour is subtle and effective in this story, especially since humour is already challenging for me to write. Albus is perfect for this kind of story, and I've infused him with all the detective story cliches, which will hopefully make him even funnier. ;) Report Review
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