Homg, Mel, your imagery is to die for. The Demiguises are AMAZING. And the bit about their fur being used for invisibility cloaks - is that canon? Because it sure as heck sounds like it could be. The detail of what they look like, with their iridescence and how they all frolic but don't really function separately, existing as many parts of a whole - it was like chocolate for the eyeballs. The way you portray Luna is so...pretty...that's the best word I can think of - that you could update this story once a year and I would still love it. I also loved how Luna sees Rolf, with colors. It's like she sees his soul written across his face. She reminds me a little bit of Dumbledore in the way that she seems to x-ray people, and she can tell a good egg from a bad egg at once. You really can't hide yourself from someone like Luna. She has a mind that's impossible to decode, and I almost don't want to try, because she's the best kind of enigma; and somehow her brain connects things together in a whimsical fashion and makes even the most ordinary things seem striking. I'm envious of that and wish I could borrow some of that quality for myself.
Professor Davin got on my nerves a bit; it's clear that he doesn't have the same awe for wildlife or the same appreciation for anything beautiful that Luna and Rolf have. His brain is so narrow and two-dimensional, focused on his book, that he literally does not stop to smell the roses. To quote a line from my favorite movie - all of the facts, none of the flavor. I can see that creative differences between Rolf and Davin could cause trouble in the future, especially if Luna's dreamy influence persists in Rolf's life. It's so much better to be carried away with the imagination, seeing the world in bright colors like Luna does, than to look at everything under a lens and take notes. You are a scrooge, Davin.
"You know something Barney," she said quietly to the large dog, "your master is a good man."
- I love this line. It says so much about Luna. She estimates people in traits, it seems, and takes nothing at face value. Just like she can see sour qualities in Davin despite knowing him for a very short period of time, she can sense inherently that Rolf is a good man. ♥
They're going to dinner together! Hooray! I hope Luna's presence and her way of looking at everything reaffirms that the way Rolf sees things is the right way, and Davin is only going to bog him down in the mud. Show that nasty Davin who's the better naturalist! Hooray for Luna! Hooray for Rolf! Boo for Davin! I hope Rolf writes his own book and Davin gets no sales on his and the world tells him he sucks.
LOVED THIS CHAPTER. I AWAIT THE NEXT ONE ON MANY TENTERS AND HOOKS.
♥Author's Response: Sarah. Stop. Literally. Huge smile on my face, and verging on Rachel blobiness right now.
First let me apologize for the horrible amount of time this review has sit unanswered. Secondly, let me apologize for not updating this story in a million and a half years. I really do plan on finishing it eventually, it just takes a lot of effort to write and wasn't something I could handle during the school year.
The Demiguises were so much fun to write, and the bit about their fur being used as invisibility cloaks it totally canon. I'm not clever enough to come up with something like that. :P I think you may be the only person who has pointed out the way luna sort of sees Rolf in colors. The way you describe it, like she sees his soul in the contours of his face and the shad of his eyes... that's gorgeous and I don't knw if I ever fully was aware of that until now, but it's very true.
Luna is a bit of an Enigma. I would be lying if I told you I completely understood her motivations behind all her thoughts and actions, because I don't. I have a very light grasp of her character. She really does sort of write herself. A lot of her fluidity and ability to appreciate the unappreciable was inspired by a teacher I had in high school who always tried to teach us to see the beauty in the everyday. I don't know if I ever fully understood that until I started writing this story, but Luna makes me want to be a better person.
Your rant on professor Davin (H) I really don't think he's an awful person, and I do identify with him a lot on a personal level and use him as a critique of myself on a small level. I think he wouldn't be a terrible guy on his own, but in comparison to the the simple beauty of Luna.
Barney is such a foil for the development of Rolf and Luna's relationship. :P
I love that you loved this chapter and hope the tenters and hooks I've left you on aren't terribly uncomfortable. I will be updating this in the near future -- I'm feeling inspired. :)
xoxo Report Review
Hey Mel! Review tag brought me (back) here :)
Your imagery really shines in this chapter! It's so like Luna to just stand on a hillside and take it all in, one snowflake at a time. The wintery descriptions were really delicate and beautiful, and I loved how what she was seeing inspired her to finally go through with her plan to go on an adventure.
So Luna meets Rolf! It's a bit earlier than I would have expected, but the meeting was interesting nonetheless. I love how the Tibetans have no idea what to do with her, standing out in the cold without the slightest awareness or care for the danger of frostbite. Again, so very Luna. I think she's a tough character to capture, albeit one I'd like to try one day, and you should congratulate yourself for doing it so perfectly. I don't know how you get into her head, though I'd love to :)
AmandaAuthor's Response: Review tag!
I really had no plan or real understanding of how to manage a plot (of which this story has non) before beginning this fic. However, I'm in love with it nonetheless. My prevailing excuse is 'she's luna and so breaks conventions by default'. I'm not really entirely sure how I get into her head, but as you can see by my last updated date, it's not a consistent system, so you probably don't actually want my insight in the matter. lol.
I really appreciate your reviews and feedback!
Thank you so much! Report Review
Hey! I'm back with another review for you!
Firstly, I'd like to mention the parts that I loved then we'll go back to the areas of concern once again.
The way you've created the demiguises is very intriguing. I really like their introduction and how you've made them sound so timid and intelligent creatures at the same time. Rolf's and Luna's admiration for them was apparent here and I loved how both of them were so excited to see the creatures. Their happiness was contagious and I wish that Professor Davin had felt some of it too.
I felt sorry for him when Davin rejected his notes. It's so obvious that Rolf sees this adventure as truly an adventure and not merely a chance to make as much money as possible. He's so much similar to Luna but so different at the same time that I can see together already. I really liked the way Luna handled the situation.
Over to the areas of concern once again. Well, in the beginning I said that yes, the chapters are congruent. I still stand by what I said. It took me two chapters to recognise your style and the way you begin each chapter but as the initial thoughts of Luna melded into reality, I could follow the story very easily. The chapters are perfectly consistent and your flow has been consistent throughout the story so far. You have been able to maintain Luna's originality very well even though you've had many update breaks.
Luna's character has maintained it's genuineness as I've already said. It's sweet, caring and carefree and I've loved reading her descriptions and seeing the world through her eyes. You've done and excellent job with her and I must tell you that I think that it was awesome that you confronted your fear and wrote her character. You did an exceptional job; you deserve all the praise you get =)
The story is amazing from beginning to end and it makes me wanna be just as carefree and soulful as Luna is. She makes all your readers feel happy and surreal; one fact I absolutely adore about her and of course, you.
Keep it up, Mel! You've done a great job with this story and I can't wait for you to update. =) Good luck with this story and others and until next time, Happy Writing! =DAuthor's Response: Hey!
Let me start by apologizing for how long it's taken me to respond to this review.
The demiguises were a ton of fun to write. They are canon and are described very briefly in the Magica Beasts book. I sort of see them as a reflection of Luna's character. They are special and different and intelligent, but not necessarily understood by society.
Rolf and Davin definitely are the driving force of this very thin plot, so I'm glad that they appeal to readers. Luna's characeter is really fun to write when I can wiggle into her head. It never ceases to amaze me when somebody says they wish they could see the world more like she does. That honestly is the best compliment somebody can pay me.
Thank you so much. I am feeling rather whimsical, and so I'll probably be updating this story finally. I hope to see you back when I do, as I really appreciate your feedback.
xoxo Report Review
Hey, I'm back for another review for you!
Wow. WOW. W-O-W! Really. I'm in awe of your writing and it's gonna take me a lot of time to get over it =D You're a magic worker and I love the way you weave words together! It's almost like you paint reality! Whoa. Reading your poetic words has done something to my brain and now I'm talking poetic. =P Hehe.
This chapter was so.. amazing! The start got me immersed into her dream immediately and I wished that she would stay in it; in her own little world where all they do is dance with someone who compliments you. I really liked how you described the entire scenario and then made her reluctant to wake up from the dream. Brilliant job!
Luna's character is so honest and straightforward, it's hard not to love her. She says what on her mind and I love how you bring out that particular side of hers. Especially the part where she complimented his eyes, I loved her characterisation there. =P The fact that out of all things Rolf would find this sentence of hers the most awkward was extremely amusing and I was grinning from ear to ear when I read that part. =D
The adventure that they've begun now has gotten me curious now. I wonder what Demiguises are and what will happen next. you've such an amazing skill with words and you can pique someone's curiosity so well with such a simple scene, I love it. Keep it up!
This chapter was one of the best you've written. I really love this story and I must say that you're totally worthy of the Dobby Award you've won! =DAuthor's Response: -blushing and melting into a puddle-
I really don't know the secret of how I get into the scenes and her head, but when the mood strikes, I can usually see and feel the scene as I write it. Of all the chapters I've written, this one is my favorite, and all your praise means the world to me.
I always forget I wond a dobby for this. That fact still feels surreal.
Thank you so much. Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with your review! Sorry for the delay- life has been very busy.
I really, really enjoyed reading these chapters. I think that you've done an absolutely fantastic job of capturing Luna's personality and life. In each chapter you show more of her unique perspective of life, in the way she dances to wind, adventures without planning and her awe at life. I really enjoyed reading about the demiguises in this chapter- the simple awe Luna felt as she observed them was beautifully written and I think that you did a fantastic job of describing the little-known animals.
Rolf is an unexpected delight: you haven't written him how I imagined him but I do enjoy the way you've characterized him. A naturalist, he shares Luna's fascination and wonder with the world- I can already see how perfect they'd be together. You've done a great job of writing him so that he isn't just a male version of Luna but instead a person with his own personality. I do wonder what you're going to do about his wife. I know that you mentioned her before and it sounded like she was still alive... If so, how are you going to move that storyline along (even if this is only chapter 5) because I can't imagine that Luna will accept any form of cheating... This could quickly become a tangled mess.
Luna definitely seems to become more free with herself as the chapters progress and she delves further into her adventure. I guess that this adventure really is what she needed, that she was becoming bored and stale working at the Quibbler.
I did find it interesting, once I realized it, that this wasn't taking place directly after Hogwarts and I think that this is a very unique and new storyline. I love the little mentions and scenes with the other characters from Hogwarts- Neville's wedding, Ginny's charity... It's heartwarming to see that they're still so close, still such good friends. In particular, I loved the little mention of James- he sounded so cute!
To be honest, if you hadn't told me that this story wasn't updated very often, and I hadn't read the author's notes, I wouldn't have known. You've done a great job of continuing the flow of the story from chapter to chapter and I didn't notice any awkward parts in the writing. However, the first few times you started a chapter in a completely different place and situation than the one from the previous chapter, I was confused. Once I realized what you were doing, and how it sounded like Luna and how you gradually explained her dreams/brought her back to the present, I understood and didn't have a problem with it.
I did notice a few small typos, very easy to fix. In chapter two, instead of "Her body slowed" you wrote "He body slowed". As well, with "lead you through" it should be "led" and with "shook is head" it should be "his". In chapter four, instead of "Barney shameless leaned" it should be "shamelessly".
This story has a surreal feel to it, an atmosphere that suits Luna perfectly. You've done an excellent job with your description. I really enjoyed reading this story and I hope that my comments are helpful! Thanks for requesting!Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you for reviewing! I literally always have to reread your reviews a few times before I can articulate an adequate response. Your reviews are so thorough and wonderfully balanced that they help to put me in the proper mindset to write the next chapter and point out small inconsistencies that I can correct to improve my story.
Luna is a terrifying character. I really am striving in this story to steer clear of her 'loony' reputation. Of course Luna is a bit different and odd, but I really see her as an incredibly whimsical, wise and insightful character. She really sees things that others don't, things that may be too small or normal for others to find fascination it. Luna is very transcendental.
I didn't want to start this story immediately after Hogwarts concluded. I wanted a chance for life to move on and normalize a bit to really support the restless feel that Luna had in the first chapter. Since the majority of this story is taking place far away from Hogwarts and the UK, I wanted to include familiar characters in the first chapter.
That is a huge relief. The style of this story is very fickle and it's the sort of thing that is impossible to force write, so my updates have been very irregular. I don't have many consistent, chapter to chapter readers and so I always worry about how fluid the story is.
Ah! Typos. I've actually never edited or had this story beta'd. (insert guilty face here) But thank you so much! I actually sought out a beta for the first time last week and will be doing a massive typo and grammatical overhaul very soon.
Thank you so, so much! Report Review
Hey, this apocalypse here with another review!
I lovelovelove your description and how you take one simple thought and twist it around so artistically that it becomes an entire world. Luna's character is admittedly one of the hardest characters to write and I can't ever imagine doing it justice like you do. I love the way you start each chapter; I get immersed in the world you paint, making me lose my own direction momentarily. It's so deep and fresh and makes me wanna dance along with her.
However, I do think that somewhere i between you should keep it simple. I think I've already mentioned something along the same lines in my previous review, but I'm only saying this again to emphasise my point. I know how her thoughts work and how they paint elaborate and detailed pictures but I would also like to see the simpler side, you know? I would love to see the simple Luna that I've seen emerge in the books once in a while, not always, but still often. I hope you know what I mean. =)
Moving on, Rolf! I just love how he's so nice! He's the perfect person for her; he listens and talks and knows her the way she is. His character seems genuine and I really like reading the conversations he has with her. Oh! New detail! He has a wife. Wow. I wonder how you'll switch that around. =P
I, for some reason, love how you make her sleep with her feet under her pillow. To me, it's a sign that she really doesn't think the way people normally do.
A very good chapter as far as the descriptions, the flow and the dialogue is concerned! Keep it up, Mel!Author's Response: Gah. I feel super redundant right now and apologize. Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate them.
I am so glad you pointed out the bit about showing luna's simplicity from time to time. It was something I worried about writing this, and hopefully something I've acchieved in later chapters.
I hope to keep it up and hope you don't mind if I let you know whenever I get back to updating this story. Your eye for Luna and this fic is a huge asset to me.
Melissa Report Review
Hey, this is apocalypse, back another review for you!
Wow. This chapter was so beautifully written that I too, lost myself in the beauty around her. You have such a talent for this and I really like how you use it to write such a story =) The beginning was perfect and caught my attention immediately. There was a veryy brief instant where I felt some confusion as the description got too much but I got over that pretty fast and found the rest of the read brilliant.
I really like how you've progressed Luna's character. She's impulsive and decisive and does not regret her decisions at all. This side of her personality seems very interesting due to the way you write it. Her independence is what strikes me as her most endearing quality making her a like-able character instantly. Although I think that this is perfect and does not need more editing, I just feel like there's something missing. Luna's matured and has very different thoughts than she has known to have but I still feel that there should be more on her beliefs, you know? Like the belief about 'nargles'; the ridiculous notion about the crumpled horned snorkacks, maybe? I just feel that the slightly silly element of her character should remain there and only the level should change.
Plus, when you were listing what she had brought along with her, I was expecting to read something like her carrot shaped earrings? Something that stands out but she thinks it's an essential part of her attire. I don't know.. Maybe I'm sounding completely wrong to you but that's what I felt and I thought I should let you know =)
Moving on, I really really like the way she met Rolf. On a snow covered peak, under the beautiful sky, accompanied by the scenic beauty, and of course Professor Davin but who's counting him? =P; there couldn't have been a better way you could have made them meet. Moreover I think that making him a naturalist was a very good (and convenient) for your story and Luna's grand adventure. That's exactly what she needs =D
Rolf seems like a person I'm going to like. He's already very sweet and has grabbed my attention, I can't wait to see how you continue with their relationship. =) Plus, I just love the blue of his eyes that you described =P
As I've read two chapter now, I think I'll talk about their congruity here. The chapters I've read so far are congruent enough and they allow the flow of the story to remain persistent. There was a gap between the scenes of the previous chapter and this one but I think that you covered that by explaining how she ended up on the hill in the first place. So, yes, the chapters are indeed congruent, so far. =)
A very good chapter! I enjoyed reading it and can't wait to learn more about Rolf! =) Keep it up!Author's Response: Hello again!
I appreciate your critique of Luna's character. I think I wanted to lay the ground work for her before bringing in the things we already know about her. I will definitely keep your suggestions in mind as I progress in the story. Perhaps more of her beliefs will come out as Luna and Rolf get a chance to talk some more.
Thank you so much! Report Review
Hey! This is apocalypse here with your review!
Okay the first and foremost thing I'd like to mention is the description. I remember pointing this out on With All Things that I thought that it lacked description. However this story is exactly opposite of that. It has exactly the perfect amount of description and I loved reading it. The description added to my enjoyment of the story overall and made me enjoy Luna's contemplation and observations. Usually, when there is too much description, people tend to get bored of it but here, your writing style combined with Luna's character and of course, the kind of descriptive phrases, made sure that I did not get bored and eventually fell in love with the chapter. When the chapter ended, I realised where I was and what I had been doing. I had been so immersed in the contents of the story that I completely forgot my own surroundings. Very good job! =)
Moving on to the characterisation. I think that you have done a very good job on Luna and have captured her dreaminess excellently. She's matured here and that's obvious but you've maintained her original character so well that the blend of her maturity and her dreaminess was very fun to read. Loved it. However, one slight thing: there were some parts where I thought the her thought got too deep and the words you used made them sound more complex than they were. It's not such a problem but I just think that it could've been a little simpler? I hope you know what I mean.
Harry was a very good addition to the chapter. I'm glad that you've shown him as so happy with his life. =) The way he commented on James' actions was very funny and I enjoyed that dialogue a lot. You actually should his friendship with Luna and I did not miss the fact how much it matters to her.
Neville was very canon too and I really like how her made her realise that she needs a puzzle to fit into. The depth of his character was evident and even though we have not seen Neville talk like this in the books, his original character did not waiver and I was glad about that. So glad he's married and I wish there had been more on his wedding and his wife.
This was such a perfect chapter; so nicely written that I don't really have much to say on it. Your characters seem very original and are blending into the plot very well. Keep it up! =)Author's Response: And finally the last review response for youu!
I commend you for comparing WAT to this story. I don't really see much in common between the two except for the fact that I write them both. They are just very different styles. I do know what you mean with the 'use of simpler' language thing, and I feel as though I got better at this-descriptive heavy style as the story progresses.
I love your critiques and find them really helpful. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this and hope you continue to as I begin to update it again.
-Melissa Report Review
Hi, it's me :)
wonderful chapter! the pictures of the scene just jump out at me :) There were a few spelling errors and words left out of sentences, especially paragraph 4, but nothing hard to fix or hard to understand. I really love that quote, very well done :) can't wait to see about their dinner together. I liked that touch of realism with the professor wanting Rolf to write differently. It makes sense. Great job! looking forward to the next chapter :)Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for leaving this review. I'm glad you enjoyed it and want to apologize for the long lag between chapters. I do hope you continue reading when I do begin updating this again, and look forward to hearing what you think of it. Report Review
Hi! You're tagged!
You know, Luna's always been one of my favorite characters as well in the series. Sadly, in the world of FF, not many people are able to capture her dreamy personality without making her sound like some sort of comical stereotype.
Your Luna did not suffer this horrible faith. You did a wonderful job presenting her out of the ordinary personality and overworking imagination. The way you characterize her, having difficulty holding on to one idea at the time because there are so many other beautiful things to notice at the same time, that was perfect.
I thing you also did agreat job in making her mature and grow up a bit, but never enough that she would stop seeing all the wonders of the world.
Your describtive work in this chapter was perfect, everything seemed greater thatn nature, more beautiful and more interesting than it should be. The wording was also excellent, bringing out the poetic sense of Luna's imagination.
I greatly enjoyed this chapter, it was beautiful and inspiring. Great work!Author's Response: Ah, review tag. :)
Luna is awesome in canon and is an absolutely terrifying feat to tackle in fiction. It makes me so happy to hear people enjoy her character as I've written it. I've trying really hard to prevent her from becoming a charicature. It was difficult to sort of progress her age into her mid twenties too, so I'm glad you picked up on that.
Thank you so much for all your reviews and praise and support. It really means a lot to me.
-Melissa Report Review
Again I marvel at your use of descriptions in this story. I always love stories with lots of descriptions and details in them for I feel they help you really get into the story. I also love that you decided to write this story about how Luna found her husband. This is the first story I have read about it. The idea that Luna would one day wake up and decide to go on a grand adventure with no idea where she was going or what she would be doing is spot on. Your flow was nice and I think your transitions were great. I can see why this story got an award.Author's Response: Bawww. Thank you so much for this review. I'm so glad you are enjoying my Luna story. I've had a lot of fun crafting the world through her eyes. Report Review
I am not really sure where to begin this review. There were a lot of things that I loved about this chapter. I think that the chapter image is absolutely breath taking and is a great fit for this chapter. The descriptions you used at the very beginning about the swing and the night sky were beautiful. There were quite a few lovely metaphors hiding through out the chapter that I also loved. I wouldn't have minded more scenes from the wedding but over all I love the chapter and wouldn't really change a thing about it.Author's Response: Thank you for this wonderfully nice review. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Hey Mel! This looked super cute, so I couldn't resist checking it out. It's hard of kind not to love Luna :)
I love the beginning to this -- it's so Luna to focus on the stars and to believe in fate, but I think her feelings could easily have been applied to many characters in the series. After so much adventure, so much struggling, it must indeed feel very satisfying to relax at last and really feel like one is at home.
If you were terrified of writing Luna, it doesn't show at all. Your writing is so light and rhythmic, like a lullaby, and it reminds me so very much of Luna's free personality. It's a nice break from the darker stories I usually end up writing!
I loved the wedding scene. I could easily place myself there, swaying along to the music with Luna. The idea of her dancing while she walks is just perfect. It must have been nice for she and Harry to speak, for both of them to get to converse about something besides business as usual at their respective workplaces. I also liked the moment with Neville; Luna doesn't worry about boys she might have dated or matters of the past, but instead muses in a delightfully abstract way. It's just so perfect, so fluffy, so wonderful and full of potential.
I really loved this, and I'm glad I got to check it out. I suspect that I'll be back to continue reading at a later date. Wonderful! :)
AmandaAuthor's Response: More Luna love :)
I'm so glad that you checked this story out and were able to accept Luna as I characterized her. There is something almost whimsical about her, and she was really challenging to sort of 'figure out'.
Thank you so much for this review.
Melissa Report Review
Aw, Mel, wow. This is so unique and so special. I love the feeling of this story, so optimistic and free flowing... so Luna! The way you portrayed her emotions and mindset was beautiful as was the writing which captured this sublime-fairytale-like-landscape so perfectly. The character of Luna comes across so perfectly, she's so easy going and the sense of new freedom you conveyed at the beginning of the chapter was perfect.
I loved the part where she was 'sitting in the arm of a star'. I really like the theme of stars that has been used so far... it gives it yet another unique touch and the way lines/concepts like 'sitting in the crook of a star's arm' are used so casually, it's so perfectly Luna. Easy acceptance of the incredible!
And she's met Rolf ♥ I cannot wait to see this romance unfold.Author's Response: Helena where have you been all my life.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my story. It really means a lot to me. You're so lovely. I'm very happy you are enjoying the story with all it's description and what not.
Melissa Report Review
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!
It feels strange to have such a strong connection to a character at the end of the first chapter, but I suppose that shouldn't be uncommon in fanfiction - we do already know the characters afterall - but it isn't just that I've always loved Luna (only just beaten by Neville!), but already I'm confident in your portrayal of her. The poetic, whimsical writing suits a story about her perfectly. Really quite an emotional first chapter! I loved that you showed the importance of friendship to her (the moment with Neville was so perfect), but also how her friends moving on could make her feel even more lost (even if it helped her to make her decision at the end). I just found her very easy to sympathise with and the pumpkin juice thing was such a lovely Luna touch.
"“Finding where you fit into the puzzle, you know, your place in it all.”"
This line had the perfect stumbling wisdom of Neville. Neville and Luna's perception of things can at times be quite similar I think (at times has to be used, radish earrings?), because they are similar in ways, and their ability to see things very clearly even though at school they were glanced over is one of their lovely shared qualities that makes them have one of my favourite friendships in the books. I know it seems like I'm rambling off in general here, but if so it was only because you conveyed all those things wonderfully.
So glad I finally got round to reading this! Will continue very soon!Author's Response: Bawww. I miss youuu.
Luna has always been a character that sort of fascinated me, and I'm so glad when readers like my interpretation of her. Poetic and whimsical are definitely two traits I'm thrilled to have describe her. Nevile is my hands down favorite character, pretty much ever. You can ramble anytime because it is lovely and you are lovely.
Thank you so much for your review.
xoxo Report Review
Hello! You've been tagged!
I quite liked this, mainly because I've read quite a bit of Luna fics, but very few of them seem to really capture her, which is what you did. The whole story seemed very dream-like, very Luna-ish, you know?
Great job!Author's Response: Tag!
Thank you so much for your review. Dream-like is a pretty awesome comliment. Report Review
Hi! I absolutely love this chapter! I love your writing style- it's so poetic. I also love how the whole chapter seems to flow in such a logical order. Luna's characterization is not only extremely canon, but it also seems to fill in all the gaps in her character that we don't get to explore in the books- what goes on in her head and how she views the world, its magnificent. I also love how you seem to put your own spin on her. I loved everything here and I this is a great beginning. I'll definitely be reading on once I get the chance :D
-this is blue.knight from the forums ^_^Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you so much for your review!! Luna is such a daunting character to write, and I'm alway grateful to hear when somebody thinks I've done it right.
Ooh I felt like I was walking right through her dream. I could sort of see it floating in clouds around her room as she slept. But no, no more dreaming Luna; adventure awaits!
Luna please say things all the time. It's so lovely and awkward, except a Luna sort of awkward, so it's only awkward to other people, which makes it infinitely adorably amusing. Describing the professor as eager, and then telling Rolf very plainly that he has gorgeous watercolor eyes.
Whatever words he was searching for seemed to escape him, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The sound of a jingling collar and a rolling gait excused Rolf’s turn in the conversation. “Barney, boy.” Can I just hug all of that right now?
Luna knows how to do a proper adventure! :D The more I hear the Professor and others, the more distinct Luna's voice is, in contrast. I get absorbed into Luna's thoughts so quickly - it's so lovely to look through the world in her eyes.
It's no wonder you've won a Dobby for this! :) Beautiful writing!Author's Response: Looking back at it, that dream was the weirdest thing I've ever written, but I really adore it for Luna's sake. She's very straight forward, never really seeing a reason not to be. Rolf may take a bit to get used to it, and perhaps he never will, but it intrigues him if nothing else.
baww. I still can't believe I won a dobby for this. So surreal. All the more reason I should get my act together and update this once and a while.
Thank youu again. Report Review
I love how Luna sees, sort of like the history of things when she observes them. It's like another sort of sense entirely. The dreams, too. And I feel her descriptions in shades of light and temperature. It's really different!
Ohh, this is one of my fav excerpts. It's another nugget of lovely Luna goodness:
Her shadow, the perfect partner, spun across the floor as she did, skimming the base of the stars as she reached. Like a tender lover, its every motion complimented hers in perfect synchrony. She wondered what it would be like to have such harmony with another person, to compliment and be complimented.
Hee, she just called Rolf a magical creature. I can't imagine what he'd be thinking about at that moment. I've gotten used to Luna's PoV, so I hadn't entirely realized the strangeness of a girl twirling around barefoot in freezing weather in the middle of the night.
Oh, he has a wife! Intrigue! Except not really. But you know, interesting! I expect Barney to become my favorite character. His jingly collar! His tail!
I love how easy their conversation is. I mean, one must be different if you're the kind to mountaineer in the Himalayas all day. There's something I really really like about Rolf. It's his genuine niceness. The kind he gets probably from working as a naturalist all day, in villages and with animals. It's so gentlemanly and rugged at the same time!Author's Response: Rolf did have a wife... I feel like Luna would be totally okay with that, not questioning it. Some back story will be revealed eventually though. I find myself doing the same thing -- forgetting just how strange Luna is. I get so lost in the scenes as I write them that when I look back ocassionally I just have to smile and shake my head.
Barney is hands down my favorite. I've always wanted a Bernese Mt Dog and so I'm living vicariously through Rolf. He's come to be a convenient foil for the story's develpment.
You're fab, and this review is fab, and just thank you. Report Review
he Himalayas! Well, can't say that that would've been my first thought, but perhaps for Luna! Your description is absolutely gorg, of course. And I don't think I've ever heard of the Himalayas describes as perfectly as this one phrase: the progeny of an ancient tectonic romance.
Hahah! That is such a Luna note. Woops, impromptu holiday! But you'll be in my heart!
And freezing to death, apparently. I guess the downside of general free-spiritedness and being preoccupied with the beauty, is not heeding the deathly blizzard coming her way. Teehee, I expect that to be Rolf. His eyes! Eyes like stars! At least in my mind. I like that description of him - painterly and soft.
You poor naturalist. Planned adventures can’t be nearly as fun. Luna, that is not how you strike up a conversation. But ah well, he's charmed :D All is glorious.
And it is Rolf! of course. You have warmed your way into my heart already, Mr. Rolf.Author's Response: The Himalayas indeed. Truthfully I never really expected to end up there either. I knew I wanted to write something far away and mountainous and snowy... so being far from a geography expert, I googled those terms and the first thing to pop up on images was a picture of what turned out to be the himalayas.
Omg. That line of discription... gave me such turmoil. I fussed with it so much because it felt clunky, so I'm glad the end result is a good one.
Mr. Rolf is dreamy... I'm not sure how, but somehow he has this innate curiousity which makes him find Luna endearing. Thank goodness for that considering they eventually have children together. I feel like most peopel would be like... right, you're strange. Let me find you a plane ticket out of here.
Baww. Gina. Thank you again for these reviews. Report Review
Your beginning segment is so strong already. It's Luna, but matured. I can see as someone who's gone through a decade+ more years of experience after the war.
I love how you express Luna's dreaminess, especially since she's one of the harder characters to write, in her PoV no less. The yellow flower is the perfect detail - it shows especially how much she sees the little things.
Awww, her father died! :( I thought something was up as soon as she said 'it was not home'. I could see a faint spell of loneliness already. I loved this line especially: One day, she would have the inspiration to sort through the twenty-five years of memories, but not tonight. It's just so... Luna. Thoughtful and sad, and simply there like a wisp hanging in the air.
Oh, of course Lee would MC a wedding. I love seeing the whole gang there, post-Hogwarts. I think it's a brill way of showing Luna's slowly growing dissatisfaction with her stagnant life. She becomes so used to things, she;d have to react to her friends' lives changing. I like that she doesn't react to it negatively as much as it's sort of a missing feeling. Like there's something more that she needs to seek out. Oh, and I love this line too: Why then was she a puzzle piece without a spot that complimented her passions and whims perfectly?
Great first chapter! :)Author's Response: Gina, gina, gina.
I still can't believe you were Holly. Very, very sneakeh. Your reviews never cease to blow me away. Especially for this fic. I don't know, I just never really thought this story would be your cup of tea, and so the fact that you did enjoy it makes me very happy. :)
Restlessness is the primary motivation I had to drive this story forward. Luna's a dreamer and I can't see her content doing something without first seeing what else there is. Of course the gangs all there! This is one of the only chapters in the fic to take place in London, so I had to squeeze them in while I could.
Thank you so much for the reveiw, Gina.
xoxo Report Review
Hi! So I'm finally here to at least read the first chapter. I pulled myself away from a thrilling pharmacology lecture to read this so I hope you're happy. ;)
Okay, first off, I can see why this won a Dobby! You can write, woman! I'm actually kind of jealous, especially with the way that you write Luna. She's...perfect. Slightly off-beat but a lot more coherent than most people would give her credit for. I like Luna though I think she tends to walk a bit to her own tune, you know? And I think you make some excellent observations about her character in this first chapter that really draws the reader in and makes them want to read more about her.
I loved the first part of this chapter - the part in italics - the small glimpse we get at Luna's future and what I'm sure this story will eventually get to. The idea of finding that one star - I love it. There's something soft and sweet about it, the way you've described it, it's like coming home. :)
Back to the observations about Luna...the first thing that really stood out to me was when she was walking outside and the stars "twinkled out an announcement to anyone who'd take notice" and Luna noticed. It's such a small, insignificant detail but it really says a lot about her, I think. Just that whole beginning part does. How closing a door is not an ending but a pause and gah, sunrise being a new day and your lines about the world's potential making colors brighter...it's just fantastic imagery and so, so perfect.
Your descriptions here are wonderful and very vivid. I've always imagined Luna as this brilliant, vibrant character and you really bring her to life in this. Her interactions with her old friends reveals that she's definitely matured since Hogwarts but she's still a dreamer, and I love that about the way you've written her.
The only error I noticed was in the paragraph talking about sorting through the memories of her father's things, you wrote: "but not tonight was not that day." I think the first 'not' should be removed to make it flow better. Aside from that, this was excellently executed.
I am so glad I got around to reading the first chapter and I hope to come back to read more when I can! I'm sorry this review is kind of all over the place, I'm kind of flaily and in awe at how wonderful this story is. Well done, and congrats again, on the Dobby win - much deserved!Author's Response: Pharmacology... sounds terrifying.
Luna has sort of grown as a character in my head, but I'm still really satisfied with her beginnings here. It may sound egotistical, but I really wish I could see the world through Luna's eyes on ocassion. Writing her has reminded me to not take the world around me for granted. I always worry that I'm going to hit a point where I over do the imagery and lose the story, so the fact that you appreciate the imagery in this chapter means a lot. You're a fabulous writer and your opinion means a lot to me.
Thank you so much for this review!
Hi! I'm here from the BvB review battle. :)
I think your writing is absolutle beautiful. It's flawless, and the descriptions and figurative language flow so naturally and wonderfully!
Luna's characterization was spot-on, and I'm glad that you didn't make it into a kind of story where Luna was sad that Neville was getting married, because that was a pairing that seemed completely wrong for me. I'm interested in where the puzzle piece thing goes. :D
Overall, it was a great piece, and has really sparked my interest for the rest of the story.
~Chocolate_Frog (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review!! Luna is such a fascinating character. I've had a lot of fun writing her, so it's wonderful to hear when people enjoy reading about her.
I'm really enjoying your writing. Luna always seems so unappreciated it's interesting to read something from her perspective. And I feel like you captured her fanciful nature. Awesome.Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
Ah, Mel, this was a brilliant chapter! Really was the best yet! I love Rolf already, and you're Luna is simply divine. You've really stuck to Luna's characterisation from the books in developing her as a young adult. I also loved the comment Luna made about Rolf's eyes, it just struck me as very Luna-like, especially with Rolf feeling uncomfortable after she made it. ;) Very cute.
Also, I loved the ending, too. It showed more connection between both Luna and Rolf, like they were on the same page. The only critic I have is that some misplaced/missing commas in a few places and at the end you wrote 'drams' instead of 'dreams'. At least that's what I think you meant to write. Other than that though I really loved this chapter. It was so rich in description and flowed smoothly, very Luna-esque. :D 10/10Author's Response: Leslie. Your reviews never fail to make my day!
Rolf is like my lumberjack dream man, so it makes him very fun to write. I'm glad you are enjoying this story, and hope you continue to do so as I begin updating it again. Also, the misplaced commas will be dealt with promptly. I never really took this fic seriously until it garnered all sorts of attention in the Dobby's, so it never had a beta before.
thank you again.
xoxo Report Review
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