Curie! Hi! You only have six stories on your page, so I'm here reviewing you for the 12 Days of Reviewing challenge on the forums! Also, I've been meaning to review all of the Writer's Duel entries, and what a bonus that I also have the chance to read some of your writing in return for all the wonderful things you've said about my own! Yay! Let's get started! :-D
Ah, this was so sad! That prompt four, man, it really made for some darker stories! I really enjoyed the angle you took this story; where something so joyous and romantic turned into something so upsetting! Of course, it makes me want to punch Dominique in the face, but hey - at least you're evoking emotions, right? :-p
Teddy and Victoire I found very sweet. I feel so badly for them that they're meant to be experiencing some of the happiest moments of their lives right now, but it's been ripped away from them because her sister is bitter and angry and jealous. I don't know that much about next gen characters or how your versions of these three compare to others, but I really enjoyed them all. Teddy is such a sweetheart for his tracking Victoire down and not leaving her alone, and I personally love that he couldn't keep himself from proposing any longer! When you love somebody that much and you want to spend your life with them so badly that you can't wait any longer, it's just very romantic. It's really too bad that he didn't get to enjoy the moment really at all. Only the one memory of "She had been so happy then. Her eyes dancing, the fire in her eyes lit with elation." (Love this line, by the way.) And Victoire cares so much about her sister to let her little temper tantrum destroy her so deeply. You would think that for Victoire to care so deeply about Dominique's feelings, Dominique in return would care enough about Victoire to suck up her sadness and congratulate her sister. But unfortunately, a lot of relationships tend to see this sort of one-sided-ness.
Dominique... Gah, what a brat, amiright? I mean, first off, she shouldn't be taking out her own relationship issues on Teddy and Victoire in the first place, but the fact that she actually blames Victoire for -getting- proposed to, like she's the one who did it, just shows the level of crazy Dom is at in this moment. "How could you do this to me, Vic?!" She's not doing it to you, Dom; she's saying yes for herself and for Teddy! Ah, she's such a Grinch, ruining Christmas. :-p
I think you did a really good job at flipping between Victoire and Teddy's thoughts! They're sort of these small POV changes that were both easy to follow and didn't require those annoying announcements of *So-and-So's POV*. Kudos to you, my friend!
I love the third to last paragraph that talks about Victoire and Dominique's childhood traditions in regards to the snow. It's very prettily written and so sweet. :)
I just have a few small critiques!:
"She couldn't bring herself to say something, she didn't know what to say." - This sentence is a little wonky; it doesn't quite sit right. I think just a few of the word choices and the phrasing don't allow it to flow as smoothly as it should. I think it would read more fluidly reworded similar to this: "She couldn't bring herself to say anything, for there was nothing to be said."
"The only thing she wanted to do was continue her search, but she was tired and her search so far was just as she had expected: futile." - I really like this line! My only tweak is that the twice used phrase 'her search' sounds a little repetitive so close together. I would try to substitute one of them for something else.
"She spat (present tense) out her older sister's name, a mocking tone seeped (past tense) into her voice." - You flipped tenses here. The majority of your story seems to be in present tense, though, so I would edit the 'seeped' to fit correctly.
"'Of course they were in vain!' She (she, not She) thought, bitterly." - (In the story, that first part is italicized, but Idk how to do it in a review! LOL) I think with these internal thoughts, you can get away with simply italicizing, and not both italicizing and putting them in single quotes. It would be just as easy to follow for us readers and I think it would just be more aesthetically pleasing, is all! But it's up to you! :-p
Anyway, overall I really enjoyed this, Curie! I think you did a really good job with prompt four and I'm excited to see the results of the competition! Congratulations on a great entry! *hugs*
Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D Haha, yeah! Very happy to be evoking emotions! :D
I'm so glad that you understood the idea behind it. Ive got a few reviews where they've said that they didn't get some of the ideas, so, this was very reassuring! :D Yeah, Dom is a bit of a drama queen...
Thank you so much! This is the best writing I've done, not the plot and etc, but the actual style :)
Thanks so much for the CC! I really really appreciate that! I'll change it in the next edit! :D Thanks so much! I'm so glad u liked it!! :D
Thanks for a fantabulous review, Tanya!