Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:toomanycurls says:
hello!!!

You had me at Sirius being listed at one of the MCs.

I've been on that kind of date where it's all "uh, did we get lost on our way?" then that's the place and life gets all !!! with squee. ...if that made sense we might have the same issues. :P

Love the casual affection that comes through in their dialogue.

I'm doing some quick math on the years you threw out there, is this after the 4 years of Healer school? That would make Sirius 21 and the Potter's death is probably close at hand. Yes? No? Can I add?

I like Sirius' nervousness about the nice dinner. I feel an engagement is in order soon. Though, her anger at him remembering and insistance that he apologize for remembering something she forgot seemed a bit too young for them.

Marlene's preoccupation with her parent's safety is perfect. It reminds the reader that the war is going on and there's RL shenanigans going on and that life isn't all fancy dates and romantic moments for the couple.

Whoo!! I called it!! haha, he forgot the right.

DUDE! Is he running off and going to get arrested!?!? oooh, it's when they took that photo Lily sent to Sirius.

I like that you show the other Marauders with Lily and James. I thought Peter would seem more subdued. I'm not sure Remus would be there - he said at some point that he was in the north during the part of the war where he wasn't trusted.

Oh jeez, seeing Marlene discover her family is worse than her heart being broken over Sirius. :( YOU CAN'T KILL HER!!! Ack, I'm all emotions right now. :'( You did a good job drawing out her death in a suspenseful way.

Thank you for breaking my heart tonight. :( :( :( You've really captured Sirius' grief and deep loss in a realistic way. The only CC I have is that it doesn't 100% line up with the information we have about who was where during the first wizarding war. The main thing is that I don't think the marauders saw each other much or that all of them were together this close to the Potter's death. Though, I don't think that will catch many people's eye. ^_^

Incredible story. You did such a great job branching out while writing this.

-Rose

Author's Response: Haha, I love Sirius too!!!

Thank u for all the praise! And yes, they were 21. Yes, the addition problem is correct ;) It was meant to be spring...I think, god, I can't remember what was going through my head then... But, I'm pretty sure it was the spring before James and Lily's deaths.

Thank u :) Yeah, with Marlene, it might be too young. I haven't really met many people that age (except on the forums), so I'm not really sure how they'd act :)

Thank u :) Yeah, it was meant to be when they took that photo :) The reference from the vase was also from the letter :) I'm glad you noticed the letter references

Ah...Remus. Thanks so much :) I might go edit that sometime and maybe switch him for another character. But, I think that might change some the more sentimental thoughts... I'll have to see.

Ooh, I've never thought about it that way- that she would be heartbroken over Sirius' capture... Thats really clever! And an awesome idea for another one shot...

Aw, Im sorry?? I think... Thank u, I was scared about capturing the emotion realistically. That's one of main reasons why I didn't write from first person (imagine trying to write the thought process of someone who saw(heard?) their fiancé die, *shudders*)

Yeah, I might go back and edit it so that it was a surprise that Remus and Peter came to visit. To make it so that they didn't see each other that often.

Thanks again for the praise! I'm kind of starting to like writing horror/dark... ;)

-Curie :)


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 643
Submit Report: