|Review:||teh tarik says:|
Hello there! Congrats on getting in an entry for the Writers' Duel! :)
Such a sad piece :( But at least it got a lot happier in the end. You really showed Victoire's angst really well, and I think you did a great job conveying the depressed, gloomy atmosphere of the story, with the cold and the tears and everything. Teddy's presence in this fic was a comfort, both to Victoire and to the reader. Teddy is so supportive; without him, I think Victoire would have crumbled to pieces long ago. Also, it makes your story a little easier to read, knowing that Victoire isn't suffering alone, that she has his wonderful support in her quest to find her sister.
Wow, Dominique's reaction to Teddy's proposal is incredibly extreme! So much so, that I think that the sisters don't have a very good relationship with each other, although other parts of the story seem to contradict this. Dom is bitter and angry and downright resentful that her sister is getting married and she isn't; she does exhibit quite a selfish streak, and perhaps Victoire is really gentle and indulgent toward her sister, always letting her have her own way and such. At least that's what I'm inferring from their sibling relationship. I've also got to admit that Teddy is a bit insensitive to propose to Victoire on the day of Dom's break-up...at least if they'd known she'd been in such a state (and I think they do know).
Dominique had loved the snow. She would always take her hot chocolate outside, forcing Victoire to join her. Victoire preferred staying inside, watching the golden flames instead of the frigid snowflakes, but her sister was too big a force to be reckoned with. Together, they would sit outside, talking about everything; boys, clothes, people Dominique didnít like, until the falling snow turned their hot chocolate cold.
^ I loved these lines. Such a beautiful warm scene. It's such a lovely portrayal of two sisters; Dom definitely sounds like the dominant one here.
I think the ending was a little abrupt, and you could possibly have built on it a little. It took me by surprise. But I suppose you did have a word limit, and I'm sure you made the best of it. :)
Well done! This is a lovely piece. Best of luck in the Writers' Duel!
Author's Response: Hi there! Thank u!
Thanks for the angst comment! I honestly- I didn't know what i was going to do with this piece... I've never written angst and out of the four prompts this one was my favourite. But, of course this would lead to an angst-y story, which I've never written before... So, it was a real dilemma.
Yeah, I guess it was super extreme. Originally I wanted to portray Dom as having a bit of a crush on Teddy, but, they're sisters, so that idea was scrapped. Dom, in this story, is a bit of a drama queen, she's super dramatic and really really impulsive. So, when she saw that she kind of over reacted- but you're right, I should have explained that more. I'm working towards improving my characterisation in my one shots :)
Yeah, I guess he could have been. But, that day was actually the anniversary of getting together, but, reading back through it, I realised I didn't mention it! Totally my fault!
Thank u! Those are my favourite too! I added those on a whim during the last edit :)
Yeah, I guess, I could have, I'll probably edit that soon :) Yeah, the ending was meant to be abrupt, but not that abrupt! :) I really need to work on plot flow...
Thank u! You have no idea how happy that makes me, especially from u! :D Such a great author!