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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from Review Tag!

You did a really good job of setting up your plot conflict here and making me want to keep reading. With the story being set on the cusp of Rose's wedding, I obviously want to know whether she goes through with it or not! Moreover, I was starting to feel a real connection to Rose and her situation. The way you wrote her inner monologue and the memories that she called upon made her very accessible and real.

I liked the way that you put some real variety into your characters, not cutting them all out of the traditional molds. Albus as a Gryffindor, Rose and Scorpius as Ravenclaws... definitely not what I'm used to seeing. The idea of Scorpius being fascinated with the muggles is a nice twist on his character, as well. I liked the gradual connection you developed between the two of them, starting from their shared sense of disaffection and moving right along to their fledgling romance.

The only thing that was holding me back a bit was the fact that you had a fair number of typos and grammatical problems scattered throughout the chapter. I'll try to point them all out, although it's possible that I missed some:

Dominique to, ended up in Gryffindor - too

So I went sat with the only other person who could understand - went and sat

It had ridiculously long train, to many layers, - a ridiculously long train, too many layers,

It was Lilly and Dom's fault that I was wearing. - It was Lily and Dom's fault that I was wearing it.

The dragged me to visit Dom's French cousin's shop in Paris - They dragged

Of course Iím sure, since when have I never been less than 100% certain in a decision I make. - I think the double-negative here is negating the point she's trying to make.

This was to his displeasure of his Father and Mother, Draco and Astoria Malfoy. - to the displeasure

When we had finally finished out star charts we sat on the edge of the tower, - finished our start charts

Sorry to harp on the typos so much, but the thing is, I think you're a good writer. So the typos really stand out in what would otherwise be a really pleasurable chapter to read. As it is, they kind of knocked me out of the flow when I came across them.

To sum it up, you have a really promising idea. I hope to get a chance to read more.

Author's Response: Hello there!

I'm really glad that you liked the conflict of the plot, I had never written anything like this before, as I tend to shy with angsty-relationship problems. And of course I'm happy that you liked Rose and that you connected with her! As for finding about the wedding, that will be revealed in the last chapter ;)

I didn't want to do the whole love/hate scenario as I felt that was over done with Scorose, so I figured the only way they would end up together was if they were in the same house, and Ravenclaw seemed to fit both. As for Scorpius and his love for muggles, it seemed fitting, and I thought that if ever met Arthur they would get along really well.

This chapter is due to a very much needed edit, so I'll get round to it this weekend, and include the corrections you pointed out! Thank you for doing that by the way :)

Thank you for the review and it will be nice to know your opinion on the rest of the story :)

-Kiana :D


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