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Review:ChaosWednesday says:
Hey, it's Whiskey from the formus!

I really liked the first chapter, so I couldn't resist and read the second as well! I hope you don't mind if I merge the reviews for both into this one?

Ok, first of all, I just love the light tone. After the river of sad and angsty fics I've come accross lately, something like this was a great change.

Although I usually stray as far away from new gen fics as the internet will let me, I found this one quite engaging. The first chapter especially made me chuckle. Your main character has an engaging, funny and sympathetic narrative voice. Although a lot can go wrong when inserting the characters thoughts directly into the text, you seemed to do well, for example here "Why did I even bother? No body ever believes you have a friend." Or this: "There is something very wrong when a man has a hospital on their speed dial." It made me smile, anyways!

Although the plot is very, uh, Hollywood romantic comedy i.e. basically a summation of awkwardness and crazy coincidences, the fast-paced narration and the Nelissa's comments make it still quite enjoyable and entertaining.

I like that she isn't on some carreer trip and that she doesn't even much care for Quidditch. And it was a great touch that you had her just up and leave the press conference to go drinking! I'd do the same :D

If I could offer some CC, though, I'd advise you to comb out some of the Muggle things, For example, you have her say "for Christ's sake" and a few other things. I don't know her background, but I suppose being a witch would not really support the habit of saying that? Also, some more magical things, besides apparating, would embed the story more deeply in the HP universe.

Ok, well I hope I could help! Happy writing!

Author's Response: Thanks!
If you liked it enough to read the second chapter as well that's great. It's really light and funny, I don't think I could never put angst in this.
I wanted to start it off light and the main characters in a situation that isn't really funny, but turns funny because of their reactions. I'm glad what I intended Nelissa's voice to be came through perfectly. And that her thoughts fit well. I was a little worried about how that would read.
The plot is a little cliche. But I want Nelissa to try and make it seem less so. If I can then I've achieved something.
Nelissa likes her job, just not what she has to write about. She doesn't care for Quidditch. It's just a way for her to keep a job. And I think if I were here I'd just get up and leave - I think it's part of me I threw in there.
I think I'm going to edit when it's all up and throw some more magical things and phrases in there. Thank you for the advice.
Thanks! :)


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