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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi m'dear! I don't think you need a beta. I didn't spot any obvious grammatical errors :).

I think the fragmented style worked really well for this piece. I love the kind of personality you gave Narcissa. She's rather kind but not overly affectionate. She's strong but holds the malleable sort of traits that I imagine were necessary for a girl coming from her position.

I also liked that her parents seemed like normal overly strict parents. I don't love when they are written as incredibly abusive because it doesn't make a ton of sense to me. Overbearing and controlling feels more like their style, and you got that down really well.

You showed Narcissa growing from a young girl to a woman really well. The later sections you could tell she wasn't as naive, and conducted herself a in a more serious sort of manner. I loved when you described her eyes as curios in the first section. It gave me this image of this wide eyed thing that can't wait to see what life has to offer her.

I think this was a really sweet one shot :).

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

I am so glad you liked this, and that you think I don't need a beta, thanks!

I was a little worried about the fragmented style but your feedback has me relieved :) I am glad you liked Narcissa's personality, her parents, and her growth from a young girl to a woman.

Thank you so much for your lovely review! You're the first one, so kudos!


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