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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi m'dear!

I like the way you've done the two first chapters as starts of the year, but obviously years in between. Your OC is, so far, a comfortable character to be inside her head.

I felt bad for her when her thoughts dwell on her mother out with new boyfriends, and we know her father was killed as an auror. I'm sure she has a lot of mixed feelings about her mother dating, and I find myself curious as to how they get along and if she blames her mother for dating and all that sort of stuff. It's really awesome to be interested in an OC, because that can sometimes be difficult to happen.

One thing i would suggest is to try and play with your details a bit more. That way you can get in the information you want without making it feel like your giving it go us just because. So, an example would be:

when you say that Lily is the Prefect, you could instead have had your OC asking Lily when she needed to get to the carriage with the other prefects. That could start a discussion about who the boys prefect is, and we could even get lead into maybe a bit about how their summers were before they got interrupted.

It just feels like your spitting a lot of information out at us with describing each girl, and I know you probably did that so we'd have an idea of who they all were, but honestly because it was SO much in a few paragraphs -- I can barely even remember what each of them look like. They're all sort of a twisting version bronzy tiny blondie sporty. Haha. And I love that you wanted to give me a good mental image, because that's definitely important, but right now I'm still trying to learn about who our OC is.

I love that you have such a large group of girls though, and I'm excited to see more of how they interact together :)!

Author's Response: Hey thanks for this lovely review! I'm glad that you liked my OC, as I agree it is often hard to get along with them, as for her mother and father, that's slowly revealed through out the story, so you find out more and more about her home life. And yeah I thought starting at the beginning of the year, seemed like the most logical place to begin! Yeah this chapter was written ages ago, when I wasn't too great at decription, as I didn't think it was that important, when it is, so I may go back to that and add some more!

And yeah I really regret about flinging in all that info all at once, as several other people have said that now, so I'll probably go back to that, and pad it out a bit more so it's not so over the top, as I agree you barely know the OC at this point.

Thanks again for the lovely review, Kiana :)

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