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Review:Jchrissy says:
Okay I just have to get this out of the way before I actually do my review. The bartering you had between Roxanne and the Forger was so amusing. I've done my fair share of bartering in China Town when I go into New York City, and it just gives you such a rush. And I totally felt the same rush while Roxanne was doing it.

Okay, onto the actual review.

I love how you started this with throwing us into the middle. It's one of my favorite techniques an author can do, and always grabs my attention right away. The feeling of Roxanne's anxiety was very well done, and such a gripping way to begin.

You mentioned in your AN about your first sentence, and though I think it does a really great job at getting the reader started, it did feel a bit odd. I think the idea of having electricity inserted is sort of what stumped me up. I don't know why, but I found myself trying to figure out if electricity can actually in *inserted* into anything. Maybe rewording it as, "Roxanne jolted awake as if an electric current had tore through the length of her spine."

I didn't notice anything else that felt off though, and I may have only noticed the sentence because you pointed it out in your AN.

Knockturn Alley isn't described near enough. I feel like it's forgotten about so often, and you did such an amazing job at bringing it to life. I was also really pleased when the shop wasn't what Roxanne expected it to be.

And now we're left to wonder just on earth this girl is up to!

I think you have a really great start with this! I'm going to have to come back by when you add the next chapter!

Thanks for an awesome swap, m'dear!

Author's Response: I know exactly what you mean seeing I have also done my fair bartering I just had to put this in this story. I'm glad you thought it was amusing.

Thank you I'm glad you think so! I was afraid this chapter was a bit boring, but I'm glad you didn't think so.

Thank you for your honest opinion about it I will look into the suggestion you made and perhaps change it into it.

Knockturn Alley seems like such an interesting place. Well the books are from Harry's point of view and considering the Weasleys would not willingly go to such a place I decided to make a place which Roxanne would not expect. After all the Malfoys and such also visit it. I'm sure its not only dark arts.

Don't we all wonder what she is up to. To know you have to continue reading this haha.

Thanks for an awesome review


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