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Review:academica says:
Hello again :)

I really liked how Sirius was respectful of Jane's desire to go slow and not be all over each other in public. It shows a maturity that I don't often see from him when he's written as a teenager in fanfiction. I also really loved the ending; I thought you did a great job of setting the scene and showing it to us through Jane's eyes, and I liked how it was Peter who's secretly crushing on Jane. I wonder what she'll do with that information...

I noticed that it seems like you have a lot of short, snappy scenes in this chapter. I think to improve the flow, you could combine some of those scenes, so the chapter feels cohesive rather than jolty. For examine, Lily's warning to Sirius seemed really clipped. You could probably fold that into the scene with Grace, and it would be kind of a snappy ending.

Great chapter! I'm going to do one more today.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey!

I read this a while ago on my phone but it's taken some time to respond. Sorry about that.

Thanks :) This is just the way that I perceive Sirius, so I'm glad that you liked him. Yeah, Peter was a bit of a surprise, but you'll uncover a bit more about that soon.

I do know what you mean about the short, snappy scenes. When I'm writing I think of my stories as movies, and so the short snappy scenes to me kind of work alright at the time. But I'm trying to change that, because I know that it's not screenwriting. I'll take your advice on board :)


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