Hey Gabbie! It's me with your review, and no you're not bugging me with them, I like reviewing your work!
I really loved your description in this chapter, I think one of the best bits, was Roxanne describing Ben as 'someone so big, he moved like a cat', this just created great imagery in my head, and now when I think of him I can imagine him slinking around.
Ooh, so Ben doesn't like some of her cousins and he won't say why huh. I can't wait to find out whether it's because of the Malfoy bias towards the Weasley's or perhaps something more deeply rooted.
I noticed a few run on sentences, which could use comma's in them, so you don't mentally run out of breath when reading them, as putting them in, will help with the flow of the story. I also noticed some inconsistency in the use of mom/mum, so rereading it will get rid of that!
Ah! Dom-Dom I do really love, she's so endearing with her stutter, I really would love to know if there was a reason behind her having or not.
Benjamin's starting to freak me out a bit, by him following Roxanne in the dark, and his quite aggresive nature. Maybe he just has insecurities over being adopted, and being Malfoy's son and this is how he expresses them?
Poor Roxanne, she seems to have some body image issues at the moment, if she was real I would tell her that she doesn't have to be rake thin to get boys to like her, as she has a wonderful personality which lights up a room!
This was a very thought-provoking chapter(in a good thought provoking way), and I thoroughly enjoyed, I'm off to do the next one! Kiana :)x
Author's Response: Hello!
Welcome back, doll! Always nice getting a review from you and they help me out a lot! :3
The thing with Ben moving like a cat stays in my mind too, I can't quite think of him walking without looking shifty. With the way he acts with Roxanne though, I really can't blame you for being freaked out, I made him that way on purpose. :3
Then again, Draco Malfoy is like that in one of my other stories. I just can't help but toy with the eerie nature of those sort of people but anyhoo, onto this!
I wanted to go back and get rid of those pesky run-ons but I've been so busy updating that I've sort of pushed it back for later. But I'll make sure to get to them eventually, they really bug me and I've got such a bad habit of making them. :p
Ms. Dom-Dom really is something sweet, isn't she? I think I might go on later about why she has a stutter, I haven't had the time just yet but I will, just for you all who asked. :3
Benjamin is rather aggressive isn't he? He has alot of issues and some of them you touched on brilliantly without having to read on! :D
Roxanne is a girl that is, sadly, sort of insecure on herself. She's fifteen, surrounded by her cousins being super skinny and she really can't compare herself to them. :p
Her personality is so good that you really have to love her though and I'm glad that you do!
Thanks for coming back! I'm off to respond to your other review! :D