Hello -- here from the review tag! And I'm going to be trying something a bit new for this review, so bear with me. A lot of people I know leave "running reviews" as they read, so I'm trying it out for the first time here!
I really like the opening of this one-shot; that's the kind of story hook that a lot of stories could do with! You've got a neat characterization of Teddy -- in my experience, people make him really angsty, which is something I don't get in general.
The way you're already characterizing the blooming attraction betwee Teddy and Victoire is endearing! Awkward, but believably so, and very adorable to read. And it's not overdone, either, which is very much appreciated on my end. He just genuinely seems to like her, you know? Well. You probably do. And his thoughts about his hair, and his chimpanzee smile, and Victoire's fingers... I've just said this, I know, but it feels so natural. So many times people seem to write humanity differently than humanity actually is, and it's really nice to come across someone who doesn't cut corners once in a while.
I like the style this is written in. One-liners make it seem a bit... snappier? Which is a nice pace, for the particular story you're trying to tell here.
I do think perhaps Teddy is moving a bit quickly, jumping from, "Oh, I'm falling in love with her!" to "I'll love her the rest of my days and she won't love me!" That's the only thing that seemed a bit off, but it's not a huge issue, of course. If you made that line sort of coincide with the first -- maybe his thinking he'd never get a shot now, or something -- it would help? (Massive apologies, I'm rubbish at suggestions like this.) And in one line (She continued to stare at me.) you've switched to first-person, or else kept first-person after edits. Either way, I thought you might want to know!
Oh, nice ending! That is a really nice way of rounding out the entire story; I love it when authors can do that. Sometimes one-shots tend to have abrupt endings, but yours was... The repetitions tied it off nicely. That's one of the best in recent memory. :3
I really enjoyed this little story! It was very fortunate, I think, that I happened to feel like trailing after you in the tag tonight. And I hope this reviewing-as-I-went thing wasn't too confusing for you. :P Thank you for a great read!
Author's Response: I, too, just tried the whole running review thing - you did it really well, by the way! It was very helpful!
Aww! You liked the opening? I think it was the part that gave me the most grief, so I'm really happy that it worked! And to me, Teddy just doesn't seem the angsty type - he just strikes me as too much like his mother!
God, Victoire was difficult! I didn't want to make her a Mary-Sue, but I did want to give her some aspects of being an over-achiever, so thank Merlin it seems to have worked! And thank you! So much wonderful praise! *blushes profusely*
You like the style? Yay! It's difficult to find a rhythm with such short one-shots where nothing really happens!
Yeah, I was worried about how quickly Teddy moves in his feelings, but my reasoning was that he's a teenager, and that as a teenager, he feels all emotions on a heightened plane, therefore reacts in the extreme with his realisation of his feelings for Victoire - his feelings just run away from him a little! But you're right - it's a pretty big leap!
And I am just so embarrassed about that one first-person line! I accidentally slipped into first person halfway through, then missed just one line in the edit! God! *blushes profusely but for another reason*
And thank you! I thought the ending might have been too repetitive, but I've really wanted to do something like that for a long time, so I gave it a go!
Thank you so much for your wonderful review!