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Review:Hogwarts27 says:
Hi, I decided to sample another one of your stories, and I must say this is an excellently written first chapter. It really conveys a lot of intrigue and captures the ominous dealings of Death Eaters very well. The writing is just lovely, and the vivid descriptions add a lot to the story. There was one place where I thought the description delayed the pace of the story though, and I was anxious for the dialogue to come in faster, and that was in the spot with the paragraph that started 'Not waiting for a reply, he turned back to the warehouse.' - but that's a really minor point, and it might strike other readers differently.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed all the little tidbits you put in about potion brewing and all the descriptions you used. The sentence with Netterheim alluding to a combination of pigs and dogs - well, I speak some German so I knew exactly the word you meant, and I just broke out laughing.

I like your dialogue for the characters. It does feel authentic. While your portrayal of Snape's relationship with his family is a little different than in Canon, I really didn't mind much. The scenario you present for Snape is very much like how Draco felt forced to go along with the Death Eaters to protect his family, while in Canon Snape chose to become a Death Eater of his own free will. The one flaw that strikes me about your version is that it doesn't make good sense for Snape to have such loyalty and love for his mother or father, when his mother did nothing to protect Severus from an abusive muggle father as a child, that you describe at the end of this chapter as a 'worthless man for whom she'd sacrificed everything - including her own son.' So it just struck me as a discrepancy in logic for Severus to be willing to go along with the Death Eaters to protect his parents. But I had no trouble overlooking that point, and it certainly didn't spoil my enjoyment of this chapter at all.

Your writing is lovely and the story-telling in this chapter is captivating. It kept me immersed. I love Snape as a character, and I enjoy a good Snape story when he's well-written. Overall, I think you've done a terrific job writing from Snape's POV and portraying the dark world Snape gets tied up in. A really great first chapter!

Author's Response: Hi there!

You came to see another story! That was incredibly nice of you. I see you caught my "AU" interpretation of Snape right away, and I have no excuse for that, other than that's the way I felt it had to be written for this story. I'm glad it didn't spoil the chapter for you. Snape fans can be very picky about that sort of thing. :)

I hope you get a chance to read more. This piece was my first novel-length story, so I really hope that I can grow from this experience and write cleaner, more sensical prose in future works. Clarity and continuity were definitely two of my weaker points.

Thanks so much for the encouraging review!


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