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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey, it's patronus_charm with your review:)

I really liked James's narrative, even though he's very cocky and egotistical it makes it funny to read about how much he rates himself, you definitely hit the right mark for aiming for funny and light hearted! I think one of the best parts was him mocking Albus and Jacklyn's tea brewing dates!

One thing I would like to point out is, that I sometimes felt you used commas a little excessively, therefore, you had to constantly pause in your head which detracted from the flow of things.

I thought it was really nice that you included all of the old characters children, as most people tend to forget them, but they would be having children who would be the same ages as Harry and Ginny's and Ron and Hermione's so that was a good thing to include.

On Ginny I wasn't entirely sure if she would say 'stupid shit' or that she would 'hex your ass to Tibet'. You were also inconsistent in your use of mum and mom so if you changed them to the same through out it would make easier reading.

James's friendship group all worked well together, and I think one of my favourites of it was Miranda simply because she was so different to the others who were filled with frantic energy so she had a calming effect on me almost :) I liked how James and Scorpius are friends as they tend to be enemies and it was a nice twist to see that Scorpius had a sister. On one side note it would be nice to see the old characters children have some of the same traits their parents had.

Overall I thought this was a really original and great chapter, which provided a lot of unique characters. If you just look at the advice I gave this chapter would be awesome!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I will DEFINITELY look over the comma usage-- thanks for pointin' that out! :)

I also really appreciate your other observations. I really wanted a breaking-stereotypes, original type story but I guess I should be careful it's not too new and different. I will also edit for the mom/ mum stuff... haha, I wish I could pull off being british better :)

I really appreciate the feedback! YOU ROCK! :D and also, thanks for the kind words. They mean a lot. :)


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