Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:caoty says:
Afternoon. *waves* Sorry about how long you've had to wait for this, I fell asleep and then woke up this morning with work to do.
On the bright side, I've read this chapter three times, so maybe this review will be slightly more intelligent than my usual crap. No promises there, though.

Your Memory Chamber thing's a really cool idea, you know that? It seems exactly like the kind of thing someone like Hermione would've pushed for in a post-Sirius Wizarding world. (Although maybe not on Level Nine, 'cause that's the Department of Mysteries according to the Lexicon. Level Ten is where Harry's scary courtroom is in canon, so maybe put it there instead? )
Your description of it is concise and it really works, too.

While your descriptions of the Great Hall are similarly pretty good, I feel like the structure of them is a bit awkward. It's easy to believe that the Great Hall is empty at the beginning because you start with the great cavernous rooms etc. etc. rather than the more immediate and obvious (and logical) OH MY GOD THIS PLACE IS FULL OF PEOPLE TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER. I'm also wondering what kind of person Albus is for noticing the furniture first, considering this is mostly in his perspective... I don't know, maybe I'm just stupid?

As for Greyback... hmm. Okay, so he's how he would've been depicted in canon. Problem is, though, that JKR wouldn't have thought of this either: he's at least in his late seventies here - probably older - and he's spent over twenty of those years doing not much in Azkaban. As well as the fact that he'd have spent a part of his sentence in pre-inevitable-reform Azkaban. I'm not sure how agile he'd be at this point to be able to attack as well as he does, even if they are almost all distracted. The only person he should really be able to attack is Albus, who's had no training or any idea what he's up against... unless the Hit Wizards are still as useless as they were in the eighties.
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong; I have no idea what I'm on about, probably.

It's pretty obvious you've read Dumbledore's Army and the Year of Darkness, as the only difference between your Seamus and Thanfiction's is that yours says "lass" instead of "darlin'". :P
Anyway. The clues make sense now! The meeting between Seamus and Hermione makes a pretty good ending - it takes us away from all the bureaucracy and danger and reminds us of the quieter, sadder moments implied by canon. I was unsure of where you were going to take it at first, but it's nice. Well done.

Author's Response: So I've been pondering this review for a couple days now, not quite sure how to answer. I appreciate some of what you're saying and in other places I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say. I'll do my best.

The Memory Chamber solved a very significant problem for me. I didn't want to write a scene where umpteen members of the Wizengamot all line up and tumble headfirst into the same pensieve, one after the other. That just sounded dumb. So why not a room that's a gigantic pensieve? As far as Level Nine vs. Level Ten. Sure. You got me. If it means that much, please feel free to imagine it's on Level Ten.

At the very beginning of Hermione's memory, the Great Hall is empty. This is the time when everyone is outside, mourning Harry's apparent death and watching Neville decapitate Nagini. Then the action moves inside and yes, PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO KILL ONE ANOTHER! Albus notices the furniture first because he starts out looking upward, toward the partially destroyed ceiling, and gradually looks downward.

Greyback is definitely getting on in years, but he's still a werewolf and he has the element of surprise. I don't think the Hit Wizards expected him to try to escape because nobody else did.

I did read Year of Darkness and that version of Seamus definitely influenced the way he's portrayed here. This Seamus isn't covered with runes, however, or dabbling in dark magic. He simply can't abide the notion that the monster who killed Lavender is allowed to go on living. I'm really glad that you liked the ending. I thought that the way Hermione encourages Seamus to seek forgiveness and redemption made a nice contrast to the way she's determined to see Greyback die in prison for what he's done.

As always, I found this review to be challenging and though-provoking. Please feel free to stop by any time!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 535
Submit Report: