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Review:GingeredTea says:
Also, ANYTHING else you want to point out. I'm tough. I can take it. Be aware, you just let the nitpick out in me. ;)

The thin mucus-like film stretched in sickly patterns all over his lab equipment, [LOVE THIS VISUAL] his carefully hand-written lab notes… [.] Disgusted, he Vanished [Why is this capitalized? It isn’t the spell name, after all] the mess.

He breathed it in slowly, savoring the vision of a world... Love how you tie this into the earlier mentioned cigarette. Little things like that make me swoon with admiration. ;)


Alright, I’m at the He’d followed the instructions of the ancient text to the letter and the experiment had still failed. paragraph. When I started reading I actually thought he had broken into someone else’s work place and that this wasn’t his potion - donno if you meant for me to think that, but thought I’d point it out. That said, it’s not distracting me too much from the story...must keep reading...

Severus seems like such a sad man and with so many emotions, yet you retain the ‘Snape’ like quality that we expect. Wonderful.
Netterheim stood by as Severus reread the Ministry letter. “Take your time. I don’t expect you in the shop tomorrow.” He set two Galleons on the counter in front of Severus. “For her eyes.” Huge creep factor there...perfect.

I love the whole thing! You brought out the nitpick in me but she had nothing to nit pick!

Author's Response: Aww, thanks!

Your nitpick did just fine. As a first chapter, I found it extremely difficult to get right, and by the end of it, I just couldn't take it anymore. So now I have a few things to fiddle with.

I'm glad you found Severus to be "Snapey" enough. He's younger here, so he's not exactly the man we all know so well... yet. And I loved throwing in a few creepy details here and there.

Thanks so much for your review!


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