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Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Hello, Jami! I am here returning the favor for the Holiday Review Swap. I haven't forgotten about Before They Fall (I swear!), but I'm going to finish reviewing that story anyway as soon as I've caught up on all of my holiday reviews, I thought I'd pop over and review this one. And I do so love Charlie...

This was lovely, my dear, not that I expected otherwise. I don't know if it's just because it's a different story, or because you wrote this more recently than the chapters I've read of BTF, but I really, honestly feel like I can see the improvement in your writing. Not that I haven't enjoyed all the other chapters, but there is definitely something about this chapter that felt a step up in terms of technique. Everything felt just a little... smoother, maybe? The sentence clarity in particular. Whatever it is, two thumbs up.

Now on to the story itself. This pairing is just too cute. I love the mix of their fiery energies and personalities. The opening of the story really nailed exactly how I picture this pairing myself, particularly at this age. And you totally fooled me. I was totally caught off-guard when Charlie didn't dump her. Of course, I guess that would have made for a pretty short story for the two of them, but you set that twist up perfectly.

You had some wonderful lines in this chapter. I loved the line: We were Hogwarts graduates for nearly half an hour now. I don't know if you meant it to be funny, but it made me smile. It reminded me of how kids always say they are "five and three-quarters" or "seven and a half." Always trying to be just that much older. Teenagers can be the same way. A half-hour after graduating is totally different than a half-hour before. And the line "How was I going to make the best Auror the office had ever seen if my reactions were this slow?" That was just too cute and perfectly Tonks.

I don't usually point these out, but since I know you wrote this for your Beta and therefore probably didn't have it beta-read...

-- It's like that fire that you just keep adding fuel too. (to not too)

-- Charlie said with a smile as headed my way. (as HE headed my way)

-- Even for...we'll, you know. (do you mean *well*?)

I apologize it took so long to review you back. Now that the holidays are over, I'm going to get back into my regular writing and reviewing routine. I hope you had a lovely holiday. Don't party too hard on New Years :)

Author's Response: I'm responding to this immediately so I don't chicken out and take weeks. Your reviews are always just so awesome that I feel like I sound like an idiot while responding.. but whatev. Haha.

Okay.. so without sounding terrible. I do really think I've gotten better as a writer.. haha. I know I probably shouldn't think that.. but I sit down to write a new BTF chapter, or I read one of my newest compared to the 6th or 7th.. or an older one. And they just feel... better. I still can't tell you how much your suggestion to describe things that make sense and can enhance the story as opposed to just throwing out details has helped me. I always keep that in the back of my mind now.

This story was really scary to put up because it's the first that I've ever published without having it beta read or anything, haha.

I'm VERY excited to hear that your going to be able to find time to write! But I know what you mean about the Holidays. This is the first time I've pulled my computer out in probably a week.

Thank you so much for this awesome review &heart; You saying that you think you're seeing improvement is one of the best compliments I could ask for and now I just want to hug squeeze you ♥


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