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Review:Pixileanin says:
First time Draco writer, I see. I don't claim any expertise with writing Draco, but I will give you my thoughts.

I like the formal tone you chase for him. He's usually portrayed with the "better than thou" attitude and I think you did that really well here. I also think that you captured his paranoia pretty well. It feels like he's talking to us, or maybe himself, through the use of "you" and "you're throughout the chapter and it's like we're having some kind of one-sided conversation or something. It occurred to me that you might be missing the underlying bitterness inherent in his character, especially in the first half of the chapter. You got a bit closer there towards the end, where he talks about the "golden trio" and more about what his mother wants out of the rest of his life and her constant positioning and how he's sick of it and doesn't want to be a pawn anymore.

I think this chapter could be strengthened by leading with that attitude of "I'm not going to take it anymore" and then let him explain why to us through to the end. Then it would tie the end of the chapter to the beginning and make it a stronger finish.

The chapter title, "Reflective Thinking", is exactly what this chapter turned out to be, but don't be afraid to add movement to your characters. I would suggest that you have him doing something while thinking. You had a perfect opportunity with the section:

"Now here I am at the end of the war."

We all "do" things while we're thinking, and it makes it more real for the reader when we put our characters into a setting to ground them a bit. For instance, where is Draco? Is he in his bed staring at the ceiling? Has he just gotten the note from his mother insisting that he show up to another fancy function so she can throw him at Astoria? Is he sipping tea in some anonymous cafe where no one can find him? I'm not saying that you have to spend a whole paragraph of needless description in the beginning, or bore us with details of how "the setting sun shone on the worry lines of his face, making him even more depressing and full of self-inflicted doubt" or whatever. A little bit of mundane/wizarding detail can bring the story more to life and let you lead the reader to whatever comes next and help him make whatever decision he needs to.

Your use of language is very good and you had some lovely reflective moments there. I'd pay closer attention to sentence structure and punctuation for a cleaner presentation. Something that helps me is reading my stuff out loud. Every time I need to take a breath, I put a comma. If I finish a sentence and I'm blue in the face, I make it into two shorter sentences. That usually takes care of the punctuation and run ons, even when I forget all those pesky rules.

Sooo... is there a chapter two waiting around somewhere?

Happy writing!

Author's Response: Ha, thanks you made some good points. I didn't think about describing his surroundings but know I think about it I probably should have! I'll try add more bitterness to him but I feel Draco is quite a hard character to capture. I know I have some comma issues so I'll reread it and add some in. Chapter 2 is yet to be written but hopefully it will be up soon :) Thanks for reviewing :)

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