Hello there. It's been too long!
Lily and her temper are something. I must say that she seems justified at first, from her point of view anyway. But when Belle shows up to give her the truth, perhaps she is still too worked up to hear it at first. I loved this line:
"Well, per'aps I didn't want 'im breathing at that moment," she said with a shrug, obviously unfazed as she sat next to Alice and motioned for Lily to do the same."
You put Lily through and incredible range of emotions in this chapter. First, with her reliving her painful memories and sharing them with her friends, she still has a secret she is unwilling to share with them. But I suppose that's something for another chapter. She has a good support group around her, so I know they will take care of each other and give her the encouragement that she needs to get through it all. And then you had her admitting her feelings to James, which probably did both of them a world of good. The way you had that scene unfold was so sweet and touching. We can tell that they care for each other deeply, but it's not the right time yet.
But until then, we have Belle and Sirius to amuse us. I loved the bush scene. Not only did it break up the heady intensity of Lily's admission, but it showed us a lighter side to the group, that they are still kids here and they still have some growing up to do. You even had some Peter time and gave him an important spot too. I love that about this story, that you are trying to balance out all four of the boys. I'd say you are doing a great job with that. Remus' section was well-done also, with his constant worries that he can't share with anyone either. And then the eyes... creepy!
One thing that I noticed was the third person shifts you had in this chapter. I hadn't noticed them before, so I wasn't expecting it. But I can tell you that it wasn't jarring or out of place, and it worked really well in the scene with Lily and James, where you want to know what each of them is thinking without breaking up the scene. I know a lot of romance writers who use that POV for exactly that purpose. It worked well here, throughout the chapter. Is this a consistent thing that I just hadn't picked up on before, or did you just do it for this chapter? Because now, I'm not sure. Not that it bothered me. I have this symmetry thing, so I was just wondering...
What a great read! Happy Holidays!
Author's Response: What a happy surprise!!!
Before I forget I want to address your comment about the third person.. I have no self control. None. I don't think I used it before, not intentionally, and I don't intentionally use it again... I just wanted so bad to get out what they were both feeling but still have it all as fresh as to be in the moment and not as an after thought. I've looked at rewriting that part so many times so I stick with just using third and not really dripping into omniscient, but I just can't. I'm tell you, no self control here.
I really do want to balance all the friends out. Lily and James will always be the stars, Sirius close behind because he's such a large part of James, but I hate when it just seems like Peter or even Remus and Peter aren't part of it so it means a lot to me that you feel like they're all sort of getting their chance to be part of the story.
I don't feel like I'm making any sense right now, but that's because your reviews get me all squee-ie and I just want to huggle you.
Thank you so much for stopping by ♥