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Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
Hi! Here I am with the review you've requested... I hope I can be of some help!!

Okay. So the whole story was very interesting. You had some really great sentences and phrases, ones that sort of were chilling to read. That was nice!

However, I'm not totally certain how this connects to the Potter-verse. I have a feeling that the Countess may be it? But I couldn't exactly tell what you were conveying through the pictures you wrote. They were marvelous pictures, but they didn't alway connect for me. I wanted and needed just a bit more help to understand what was going on.

My suggestion? Lengthen this just a tad. Put sone more description, and weave everything together. I also think that the last paragraph, where the speaker reveals her name, could use some improvement. Who is Lilith? What are hear creatures that the Countess loves so much? What can they mean to the reader?

Tell the story just as you have done, but go deeper. Add elements that you think should be added. And then, your tale will go from good to great.

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey there, thank you for the review!

The story is only marginally in the Potterverse (I have been thinking of ways to embedd it more). Towards the end I mentioned that the people who she s running from can do curses and control her mind, which was supposed to mean they are wizards :P I'll try to add more, though!

The creatures she loves are supposed to be the girls she kills. She feels like she is saving them from the tyranny and manipulation of men :P I didn't make it very clear because I was hoping for this idea to be more subtle and atmosphere-setting rather than a"fact"...Hmm,I'll see how I can make the connection clearer, glad you pointed it out! That part is important.

The Potterverse has the tendency to nclude all popular characters into its mythology, so I thought Bathory could also find a place (although we don't know much about the role of vampires in HP). Same goes for Lilith. It's such a charged name, with many associations connected to it, I thought I would jsut leave it as it is and let the reader wonder what Lilith could be like in the Potterverse...But I'll think about adjusting it!

Thanks again, this was helpful indeed :)


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