Hehe, a raffle for troublemakers. That's an easy way to export your troubles away ;D Why South Dakota, if I may ask?
I think it would help if you combined some of your sentences into paragraphs, as it would make it easier to read and also helps emphasize some of the points she makes. For example, this chunk of text would easily fit together into a single paragraph:
Well… maybe I would have; but this is Trelawney we’re talking about, no one actually liked her. Not even the Hufflepuff’s were that nice. I mean there’s a limit to how many prophecies of imminent death a person can take. You would have thought that the fact that no one has actually died yet would make her stop. But no… we have to have a prophecy ever bleeding month.
And it puts emphasis on the fact that they don't like Trelawney because she's constantly having prophecies, which is pretty funny!
I got a little confused in the conversation in the Headmistress' office, as I started losing track of who said what. Same with Rose; it works mostly when we already know who's talking or at least an idea of where she is, or else I'm wondering what exactly I should be imagining at first. I snuck a look to your revews; descriptions aren't to be feared! They just have to be added in at the appropriate moments, and I like the descriptions you have now.
I also spotted a few typos:
This is all Potters fault. -> Potter's
we have to have a prophecy ever -> every
your representing -> you're
It's nice to see Tiffany so close to the family she has left :) I can see her becoming an interesting character; certainly has a mouth to her!
Author's Response: Aha, I thought it sounded like something McGonagall would do as a last resort :P And honestly, it was all down to the name; for the challenge I got the pairing and the North American school, which we were told to make up the name, place etc. and put it anywhere in the US... And bearing in mind, I'm English, and have never been to America, I think I google-checked there was a South Dakota, and put it there... But yeah, I don't know anything about America/Americans ._. It is a real place isn't it? I didn't just make it up, did I?
Paragraphs, paragraphs, paragraphs. How I hate them... I just get really confused nowadays, unless it's an essay or a script, I'm absolutely done for.. I'm thinking about getting a beta because I'm so bad... I'll change thatand the typos soon :) Thank you for pointing them out! :)
Mmm, I'm sorry about that.. Another thing I have to work on... Yay! I'm glad you like them *fangirling*
Mmm, I think that's my aggression coming out... I really shouldn't of quit playing netball... But yeah, she swears like a sailor... ._.
Thank you! Your reviews been so helpful, and I'm fangirling as I LOVE your writing, and graphics... (I'm also on TDA ;))
Thank you! xx