Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Beeezie says:
Hey, I'm here for the holiday swap! :)

This one-shot was a lot of fun - it's a great concept for a story, and I think you did a nice job with it. Ron's character can be very difficult to write, but you pulled it off nicely. I did feel like you exaggerated the strength of his reactions a little bit once or twice, but really, it doesn't take too much imagination to imagine Ron wanting to object just on impulse or blocking out what married people do until his sister gets pregnant!

What I also liked, though, was that he didn't object, and he stopped himself from freaking out when she told him that she was pregnant. Ron can sometimes turn into a bit of a caricature in fanfiction, I think, because it's hard to figure out when to have him react and when to moderate that a little to keep him realistic. You did a great job with that.

The only critique I have is that there were a few points where I felt like Ron's inner voice didn't quite fit him. The first line of the story in particular didn't sound much like Ron - would he really claim the "Bilius" part of his name? Along the same lines, I wasn't sure whether it made sense to include Dean's last name, since, Ginny aside, they always came off as pretty good friends, and "Voldy" definitely seemed out of place, considering how manic Ron was about using "You-Know-Who." There were a few little things like that that seemed off to me.

Other than that, though, this was a fun story, and I really enjoyed reading it. :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! I'm glad you thought I didn't go too overboard with Ron's character, as it annoys me too when I read some authors doing that. I completely see what you mean about all the little parts in Ron's inner voice. I included the Bilius just because Ron's older now and maybe he wanted to make himself sound more professional. Perhaps Hermione had a good effect on him? haha but Dean's surname and the Voldy part I completely agree with you on. I'll get right on fixing that.
Thanks for the awesome review!
~cb ")

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net