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Review:Voldy Needs a Hug says:
Before I begin, I want to apologise for taking so ridiculously long to get around to your review. I had quite a long backlog. Anyway, moving on to your review.

I thought this was an interesting start to a fanfiction. Quite frankly, I didn't see any resemblances to the wizarding world (I'm assuming it'll be popping up in the next few chapters). I should have recognised immediately that the narrator was living in the Muggle world, because, duh, she was using a computer. That was merely my own stupidity. Once again.

The characterisation was okay throughout the chapter. Unless I completely missed it, readers are never actually introduced to the narrator. We know she's a girl that's never been on a date, but we don't even know her name. Not much is revealed about her in this chapter, making it a challenge for readers to relate to her.

The plot was a little slow, but that's expected in the first chapter of any story. The events were a bit confusing, though, simply because you were throwing so many new, unnamed characters at readers. I found these two paragraphs particularly confusing:

"A girl sitting at the front of the class stopped scribbling something in her notebook and turned around, waving at the boy who had been in the middle. He smiled at her. She smiled back. A boy who could have easily been related to her scowled at the boy who had been in the middle. The boy who had been in the middle either didnít notice, or didnít care.

The boy who could have easily been related to the girl seemed out of place Ė mostly because he looked at least two years older than everyone else. The athlete who sat next to the boy who could have easily been related to the girl nudged the boy in the side and whispered something in his ear. The boy visibly loosened up and laughed."

Wow. Some names would have definitely helped. I was completely, hopelessly lost through that section. I feel that the narrator would have, at the very least, known her classmates' names and been able to divulge them to the reader.

I noticed a few minor spelling and grammar mistakes, but they didn't detract from the chapter overall.

The flow of the chapter was good. You transitioned beautifully from one event to the next.

Overall, lovely job! Keep up the great writing!

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