Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

Wow- I think that you did a fabulous job with this story (from what I can see from the first chapter, of course). To answer one of your questions right off the bat, Draco's post-war angst definitely was believable. Even if he wasn't completely sold on Voldemort's leadership, he was still very much a part of the losing side and it would take him some effort to overcome his intense dislike of the feeling of failure.

I also liked the way in which you wrote his relationship with his "friends". They didn't seem to care much for him, other than as a person to sit beside in the bar, and he felt the same way about them (let us not kid ourselves about his behaviour).

Your description in the first section was fantastic- the manner in which you described his drunkenness was quite vivid and it really gave me a picture of a man who has lost his dignity and some of his pride. He has given up on life at that moment and it came across wonderfully in that section.

I also think that you did a great job of describing the Wizarding World post-war through Draco's eyes. I doubt that the people could react to him in any way BUT dismay and disgust after the Death Eaters lost the war. What reason has he given them to look upon him with neutrality or pleasantness? And now you'll show us how he reclaims this neutrality/respect. :)

I noticed this sentence "Because maybe if she can understand then so can I" as I was reading and it stuck out because the abrupt change to first person was jarring. Did you mean for it to be his thought?

To answer your second question (finally), I think that his interaction with Astoria was perfectly genuine. You quickly established the connection between the two of them (however slight it was) and you didn't try to have overly deep or meaningful conversations. She didn't go too out of her way to help him yet she did help him and I think that's one of the reasons why he reacted so strongly to her. No one else had helped him like that in a long while.

However, I did find his decision to turn his life around a little abrupt. I understand that you tried to show that he had spent several hours that afternoon thinking about his life but the lengthy passage of time didn't quite come across as so lengthy. If it's possible, I would suggest trying to further describe his afternoon of debate so that it seems more like it was an afternoon of debate. After all, the decision is a large one and he was completely reversed in his opinion on the subject just that morning.

All in all, I think that you're off to a great start with this story. You've started Draco off at a very realistic point in post-war Wizarding society and I'm interested how you will turn him into the Draco from CoB (which I assume is the direction in which you're taking him). Thanks for requesting! I always enjoy reading your stories!

Author's Response: Hi, there!

I'm really glad you enjoyed the opening chapter. Honestly, I haven't really worked out the plot outline to figure out how long this story will end up being, but I'm guessing somewhere in the 5-6 chapter range.

I see Draco as being thoroughly depressed and disillusioned after the war. Nearly everything he was raised to believe turned out to be a lie. Voldemort didn't care one bit about him or his family in the end, and if it hadn't been for Harry Potter, he wouldn't have survived the battle. His relationship with his friends is mostly just a charade. He tolerates their company because he really has nobody else to spend time with aside from his parents, who push him to do things that he doesn't care to do.

What can I say? It's possible that I've been really drunk once or twice in my life. ;) So that part was pretty easy to write.

I agree with you about that sentence written in first person. I'll definitely change the voice.

I see your point on his change of heart on what he's doing with his life. It is meant to be rather abrupt, though. He was in the midst of a very sobering event to begin with, and Astoria wanders across his path and sort of gives him something to crystallize those hopes and aspirations around. I could definitely go into some more detail about the internal monologue he has while he's wandering through Diagon Alley alone after Astoria leaves with her father.

The idea is definitely that the Draco you see in this story is growing into the man we see in CoB, so I'm pleased that you could see the connection. I'm going to try to keep building on it.

Thanks so much for all of your thoughts and reactions!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 753
Submit Report: