|Review:||Pretense Of Perfection says:|
Hello there, I'm back. At least for a bit. Anyways, I'm catching up on all my old favorites, so I promise there will be some long juicy reviews awaiting you as soon as I get my groove back. Hope all is well.
After re-reading this story again, I have to ask...is English your second language? Your writing is so beautiful, but I notice occasionally a few words get mixed up..mostly verbs and nouns, like you write sit instead of seat. Nothing major, and definately something a good beta could help you work on either way :)
Secondly, I'm not sure if anyone else has pointed it out yet, but it's Whomping Willow, not whooping.
Onto the story thus far..My next review will be one of my usuals, I promise, but for now I just want to say this was overall a great chapter, and I can really see you coming into your own with both your writing and this story. However, I really dislike the fact that Naomi uses the Imperis curse on Charlie..I mean sure, she had to do something to help LuLu out, but she could have clobbered her over the head, locked her in a room, or simply ordered the minion to leave the party, etc. I feel that Naomi using the Imperius curse, especially for something that is not incredibly serious or life threatening, is rather out of character for her, and kind of goes against everything we, as the readers, have been brought to believe about Naomi and her beliefs and values. Hate is a strong word, but I definately think with your skills that particular situation could've been handled differently, and much more effectively.
With that being said, I love all the sexual tension between her and Sirius. I kind of like the James backstory as well, alrthough I'm not soo sure how I feel about them sleeping together yet.
Author's Response: Hello!!
Thank you so much for your lovely review!
Yes, English is my second, or even third language, so I do apologise for the mistakes. I know I should get a beta but my life is so hectic it is always incredibly difficult to coordinate with someone to do it for me.
The Willow's name... always found it difficult to remember haha thanks for telling me, I'll edit the chapter to make sure it is right!!
Naomi is a very complicated character. I appreciate you realising that this Imperius curse is "out of character" for her but it is there for a reason, believe me. This story is about a power struggle, we are only seeing Narcissa vs Naomi now, but a lot more is coming and there is always a dark side to it which I need to introduce little by little. I guess even though the situation wasn't "serious" Naomi can sometimes chose the easy way out, instead of the right and hardest one... hence her using such a horrible curse on poor Charlie.
Again, thanks for the amazing review!!
Lots of love,