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Review:peanuts11 says:
This story certainly grew on me. I thought it was really clever how you wrote a story about James II that mirrored the story of James Potter I. I especially like the line about James chasing after his own lily. Clever pick of a name. It also subverted the idea of how cliche this story could've been.

This story was not without it's cliches but because it was so well written, I barely noticed. Some things, like how James bestfriend and Calla's best friend date because James and Calla are linked was a bit cliche as well as Calla's love rival Lauren threatening Calla. I just think that although it was needed to develop the story and so that Calla's real family could come out, I found it slightly unrealistic that someone would threaten another person to stay away from someone. I don't have the MOST life experience but generally, I think girls in particular are more secret about plotting and stuff.
I also think it kinda made Lauren seem a bit 2D but it really, really doesn't matter because she isn't a main character and because it's from Calla's subjective point of view, it'll obviously be biased.

I also think you need to work a tiny bit more on continuity. Like how Andie is supposed to be a bit of a heartbreaker but there isn't any evidence for this and how although Calla is Head Girl, she doesn't appear to be bogged down by the job.

You are a talented writer though. I think my favourite line is after James and Calla break up and she remarks that when they were flying he never to let go. I actually nearly died at that. Loved it sooo much. I also liked the twists in the story with Calla's real parentage as it was well thought out and it fit with the story so well.

I think that you are also really skilled at characterizing your protagonists and setting the pace of the story. This gave the story more depth as more than just a romance but also about re-evaluating things in a new light and dealing bereavement. You characterised Calla really well as someone level-headed but not without her flaws of sometimes commanding sympathy. James also appeared like someone who was marred by his family's past experiences but grew throughout the story, which made me like them as characters rather than just in the context of the story.

I love, love, love your writing so I hope I gave some useful pointers and didn't ramble too much but there aren't enough characters for how talented you are.

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much! This was an extremely helpful and lovely review!

Cliches were definitely something I worried about while writing this story, especially after I figured out that I wasn't oh-so-creative in making a James Potter I/II parallel. I do completely and totally see the cliches you pointed out, though. I never particularly liked Lauren and I think I just added her in there half-way through to add some drama when Karen Ambs wasn't in the picture. I suppose that's why I didn't put much thought into developing her. Yes, I knew when I wrote Andie as a heartbreaker it would extremely difficult to pull it off. I completely agree with you that there should have been more evidence. I think that's my problem: I introduce a character trait and then I don't really back it up. The Head Girl thing, too, was something that I probably just gave up on. I know it isn't really an excuse, but I like to think that because this was my first story, I get to be excused (which I don't, but you know, haha).

I'm so glad that you liked Calla and James! I really put the most effort in these people- especially Calla, who I had to steer wildly in different directions so that she wouldn't be a Mary-Sue (and I hope she wasn't!). I'm glad you liked the name pun with Calla, too!

I really feel the compliment on my writing and I loved this review. It was really helpful :) Although I can't really use a lot of your advice on this story because it would include drastically changing the plot, this review has most certainly given me loads of wonderful advice to keep in mind in future stories! Thanks again!
~cb ")


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