Tagging you from the Review Tag 2.0 thread.
Sorry about the mix-up. I hope you don't mind me reading and reviewing you.
So you have something very interesting in the works here. I'm not sure what. I really have only the barest idea to be honest. Now that I look, I see that you have a lot of Next Gen characters in your list. Honestly, I try not to look at the character listing when I'm reading and reviewing a new story for the first time. I like to see whether I can figure it out for myself. Now that I look at the list, some of them seem rather obvious. But I really enjoyed the sense of mystery that you created before I went and looked. See, I really loathe stories where the author just backs up the truck and dumps the entire plot on me during the first chapter. I like to have to guess. I like to have to wait a bit to find out what's really going on. And you are definitely making me wait.
The narrator of the first section, I'm going to guess, is Lily. I liked her entire observation of the difficulties of being teenaged and single. And totally friend-zoned by all of her male friends, from the sound of it. She sounds like a very typical teenager.
The second section, I'm going to guess, is Albus? This is a fairly typical characterization for him: kind of a quiet loner. At least it seems like he and Lily are together, whatever it is that's going on here. I'm not sure what to guess about their circumstances. They all seem to be in the muggle world, somehow or other.
The third... James? It would seem to be either James or Teddy. An athlete, obviously, and somewhat fashion-conscious.
I'm drawing a total blank on the fourth narrator. But you did drop one very tantalizing piece of information into this. "Foster parents". "Home". Hmmnn... You've started my suspicion machine turning. Have all of these magical children been pulled out of their normal lives somehow and thrust into the muggle world, much like Harry was?
The teacher doesn't seem like he belongs among the others. Then again, perhaps he does. The men in suits seem ominous. At least something is going to happen quickly.
The last narrator, again, seems like it could be James or Teddy. A smart kid, popular, lots of friends.
Then there's the dynamic among the five protagonists in the classroom. Again, very interesting. The boy and girl who could have been related make me think of Lily and Albus. The others are a little hard to place. But they're all obviously wrapped up in whatever the men in suits are there for.
You know, I really like this so far. Your storytelling style is so unconventional for a Next Gen story. Very mysterious and though-provoking. You've drawn me into this in an aggressive way, making me want -- no, need -- to find out what's going on here.
Your writing style is really good. I like the way that you mix up the characters' inner monologue and narrative. It's very engaging. Also pretty much flawless. I didn't see any spelling or grammar problems. The only thing I found a little jarring was some of the profanity right near the beginning. Profanity doesn't bother me if it's useful and in context. In this case, I just didn't feel like you needed it. It felt kind of gratuitous.
Overall, a great start to your story. You grabbed my attention, and I'm very glad I found this.
Author's Response: I don't mind at all! When people leave reviews like this, you tend to stop caring about any sorts of mix-ups! X)
About the "mysterious aspect" of the story - I actually got the idea from a novel I've been reading recently. Sadly, it's written in Russian and I could only find and Italian translation. (If you're Russian or Italian though, it's called "The House in Which...")
As much as I like to keep people guessing, you'll find that a lot of your questions are answered in the second and third chapter. I do hope that you remain curious about what happens next though...
Thanks for your tips and complements, I'll be sure to look over the profanity when I go through and edit my first few chapters! (I have a few spots that I'd like to fix up.)
Thanks a lot!