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Review:MrsJaydeMalfoy says:


Wow, this was a very intense and emotional first chapter! I wanted to cry with Clara when those bullies were picking on her... (and I also wanted to hex them into high heaven). :P Really, they were SO mean!

I think you did an excellent job describing what it feels like to be bullied. It was very true-to-life, very realistic, so kudos for helping the reader to feel what Clara feels. I also really loved that you made James un-cliche. Even though he HAS picked on people, he wants to make things right now (thanks to Dom's intervention) and I really, REALLY love that! :D

I didn't notice any grammar issues, either, so great job on that, too! I did notice one tiny little spelling issue, but it's SO small that I'm positive it was just a typo. The second time you mentioned Clara's name (about halfway down when James is reading out his paper to her), it's spelled "Carla". It's really no big deal though, and it doesn't make the story hard to read or anything! I just wanted to let you know, in case you didn't already! :D

Really, really great job, dear! 10/10!

Author's Response: YAY FIRST REVIEW! :D
Ugh I know, they were HORRIBLE! I hate writing them but I like it because I've been bullied and as I sit at the computer tapping away I think, "Muhahahaha I'm going to base an evil character on you! Muhahahahaha!" :p
I'm so glad to hear that I made James un-cliche! Oh I was so worried about that!
OH MY GOSH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POINTING THAT OUT! I did that on a request form over at tda as well - thank goodness you pointed it out when you did! I'm going to go fix that ASAP!
Thank you so much for this lovely review - I really appreciate it! :D

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