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Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
What you've done here with Myrtle's character is amazing! I've never seen someone give her so much depth and make her this sympathetic - instead of a pathetic whining girl, she's more of a victim, not only because of the way that she died and the bullying, but a victim of time. She can't mature because she's dead - all the years she experiences while dead have no effect on her appearance or, it seems, her personality. The chance to grow up and live were taken from her, and she can never get them back. And that last line, oh my god! She blames herself for existing, rather than blaming her persecutors - that's truly sad, even tragic.

You take Myrtle seriously as a person, and that's what's fantastic to see, making for an original and exciting story (exciting in its new way of looking at a character). It's interesting how many stories of serious bullying JRK includes in the Harry Potter series, from Myrtle as the one who can't escape it to Harry who does, and prevails. sorry, I'm rambling!

The language and style of this story add to the feeling of time passing slowly by, the long sentences reflecting Myrtle's eternal curse. There were a couple of places where I thought the flow could be improved or when the grammatical structure wasn't balanced. So for instance, in the line "The memory of her fourteen years alive eclipsed by nearly seventy years of miserable death", the first part and the second part don't match - instead consider "the memory of fourteen years of life eclipsed by nearly seventy years of miserable death" to balance the sentence structure. Also, that paragraph after the first line contained "her" so many times that it was actually getting in the way - it may be a personal taste thing, though, so ignore me if I'm being annoying. ;)

Great work with this one-shot! I'm very glad to have come across it in the review tag. ^_^

Author's Response: Thank you! I really did want to bring some depth to her character and make her much more sympathetic - she's comic relief in the books and I felt her entire story is far too tragic for that. When we meet her in the books, she really is fourteen years old, despite how long it's been since she died, she hasn't learned or matured in that time. That's the worst part of her story - she'll never grow up enough to put her bullying into perspective. It was her whole world when she was alive and it will continue to be.

Thank you for the points on wording - what you suggested with "of life" rather than 'life' really does make sense, and I do think I'll go back and change it. And I didn't notice how often I used 'her' in that first paragraph - you're right, it is a bit excessive, looking back. Thanks for the pointers, and for the lovely review!


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