|Review:||Violet Gryfindor says:|
Great work with this story so far! I've been eyeing it, and I'm glad to finally have had the chance to read it. You have an amazing idea, a strong leading character, and so much mystery that my head is spinning (in purely a good way, I assure you!). How have things gotten to this point for AJ? Why was he arrested and charged while others remained free? You've given tiny hints, enough to make readers hungry for more, like a dangling carrot.
The next-generation world that you've created for this story is fascinated. It's dark and filled with deception and intrigue, all the wonderfully juicy things that make a story an exciting read - and that's exactly what you have here. I'm especially interested in AJ's Sight and how much trust he places in it. Even though he knows that it's a slim chance of success, he still attempts escape, all because he saw it in a dream. This reveals a lot about his character, more than one could probably ever put into words - you make use of "showing" perfectly, letting AJ grow into a fully-fledged character before the reader's eyes (and, not to forget, within a single chapter - that's fantastic to see). But the question still remains - why? Why does he need to break out? He doesn't seem to think himself part of an injustice or a conspiracy, and he knows that his sentence might even be shortened. Yet he Sees it and follows through. I need to know more!
My one critique is that this chapter could use a good read-through to check for typos and flow. There are some sentences that repeat themselves, especially at the beginning - you overuse the "further and further" or "over and over" within a short span of time, and you also have a line like this: he reached the end of the old escape tunnel; the way out. If it's an "escape" tunnel, then I assume that it'd be the way out. Things like this get in the way of the narrative and slow things down, which is a problem in an action-suspense story.
Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this and I'll be on the lookout for more. You keep coming up with very creative plotlines and interesting characters, both canon and original - I don't know how you do it, but it's amazing to see. ^_^
Author's Response: Hey, Violet. Sorry it's taken me so long to respond.
Ah, I'm so glad. And all good questions that will be answered as the story progresses. :D
There was once a time when the only thing AJ had in the world was his Sight... Yeah. ;) It's led him to where he is now and even though prison is a three year bump in the road, he trusts it. Why he needs to break out, we'll find out soon. :D
Oh, thank you. The line is me not editing. I wrote a sentence, then changed it and mustn't have seen the mistake (I didn't want escape in there :P). That's gone now. I'll definitely be reading through again, hopefully I've got the typos. :)
! You should see the "world" inside my head, it's insane. :P Thank you so much for leaving a review!