I usually steer clear of ScoRose because they seem ridiculous to me and too many people like them. That turns me off and I usually don't give them much of a chance. However, the summary was intriguing and it made me curious to know how you were going to handle a re-telling of Romeo and Juliet (which is one of the Shakespeare play's i don't particularly like very much either). But the combination of them made me curious because if anyone can pull it off, i'm sure it's you.
I'm glad i clicked on because this was a really lovely way to start the story. All passion and fire, the dark vs. light. You set up typical plot lines here, the Slytherins vs the rest of the school each one wanting to prove itself greater. However you are able to pull it off so beautifully and make it so believable. I'm just incredibly envious of that skill to turn a cliche into something worth your time. Which just points to the fact that it's not the cliche that matters, it's how you write it. You clearly make something that some authors completely butcher and make it into something that is just good. (that's bad wording who uses the word good for something? i wish i could be more eloquent here but that's as good as i can come up with at the moment as it's late here and well past the time my brain turns to royal mush.)
I think the strongest part of this is your language. Your ability to make it sound sort of Shakespearean and told in that air. If that makes sense but it add so much to the story and captures a spirit of woe and foreboding. Which i love. I'm a huge fan of fluff but this makes me feel on edge because of the fate of the star crossed lovers in R&J.
There was some confusing parts however, not plot wise, but I think it sometimes happened in you descriptions where there were a few longer sentences piled together and a lot of characters around where things got a little convoluted. Like when you describing Hugo's hair? I initially thought it was James who had the red. That's an example anyway of some tiny distracting things throughout the story that brought me out of your tale. Also when Rose revives her queen, epic moment, but you say white queen... wasn't she playing black? Or did i miss something there?
Anyway, honestly, this is a lovely piece of work. I just finished reading and reviewing The Mark of Cain and then i came over to this and it's just remarkable how you can go from that style to this!!! I'm blown away because the tones are so different and you are able to write them both so well!
I think the ending was my favourite but too the scorpion imagery and the piercing of her heart which let in this poison. It's such strong imagery and it's incredibly haunting because it points to a sort of fear of what is to come for these two if love is likened to poison.
Another great job Violet! This is excellent work and I loved how Hogwartsy it seemed. With all the chess, gobstones, and homework. It actually felt like a school! I hope this review makes sense, as i said before, it's late and i feel my eyes getting cross-eyed and i fear it's gibberish. :D
Author's Response: Oh my gosh, Zayne! Two super long reviews in one night! I wish I had your reviewing abilities - this is brilliant! Thank you very much - as always, it's a great treat to hear back from you. ^_^
This story came out of my own dislike of Scorose - that ship might have been interesting once, but now it's just overdone and so laden with cliches. I've been writing it all the same, both to try it in new ways and to take out my negative feelings in a productive way. :P If you get to the end of this story, you'll see how that works, haha.
For some reason, I love working with cliches to try and recycle them - perhaps "restore" is a better term, like an antique that needs fixing up. There are many in here, but they needed to be told in different ways, often subtly, but in the case of Rose and Scorpius's characterizations, drastically. In this story, they're exaggerations of how they often appear (I seem to always do this to poor Scorpius, but he is a Malfoy, after all :P). I'm so glad to hear that the cliches are believable - that's exactly what I tried to do, and it's wonderful that it proved successful! *blushes* There are parts of this story that feel pretty butchered to me, but not in this first chapter. If I may say so myself, it turned out better than I expected - writing school scenes is always a challenge, but for some reason here, it just /worked/.
I've adjusted a few of the sentences to make it clearer who is speaking, and I corrected the colours of the chess pieces. It was primarily the length of the sentence that was confusing things, I think (I made the changes not long after you reviewed, so I can't remember exactly what it was). The old fashioned linguistic style I used in this story more often than not got in the way - I like it, but I kept losing control of it. XD Thankfully I've been able to fix it, though there are probably still places that need work. It became a more complicated story than I thought possible for something only meant to be three chapters long. ;)
Oh, your review makes perfect sense - and it's perfect too, with all the things I love to see, including some good old CC. :D Now I only hope that my response makes sense, as it's getting late on my end too. Thank you so very much for reading and reviewing this story - it means a lot that you've admired the imagery (particularly that one at the end - it's a favourite of mine). ^_^