Hello there! I'm so excited that this chapter is up. I'm sorry it took so long for me to get around to reading it! So, let's begin:
Continuity: The only issue that I noticed while reading this was in the part where Simon, Corinne, and Elena were talking about how Moody would call them to come fight the Death Eaters. So, Corinne says at the end of the exchange, "I'll ask Frank if he's coming." but they (Simon, Corinne, Elena) never actually walked away from Alice and Frank. So, unless they were speaking quietly (which also wasn't mentioned), Frank would have been able to hear their conversation.
Characterization: As always, I adore everyone. Your characters are so realistic and I love that they aren't perfect in any way. I liked Elena's defiance when she thought Simon was going to tell her to stay behind, but I still almost wish she would. She's not trained for this and I'm always worried she's going to get hurt. And I'm feeling a huge sense of doom for everyone, really. This story is so intense!
Descriptions: I think this chapter was more dialogue than description, which is fine, but you could always give us a few hints as to how the setting and facial expressions look. :]
Emotions: Loved the intensity in the conversation between Elena and Simon, but I'm still so eager to see them actually voice their feelings! I love that you've created such a believable and intense couple without a bunch of sappiness though. Terrific job.
Plot: Well, I'm definitely worried about how this ended! I thought it was a bit odd that the Deluminator could be made into a Portkey, though. I almost feel like it's too magical for that, but I could be wrong. ;] I'm excited to see what happens next!
This story is absolutely awesome. I think you're doing a really spectacular job and I can't wait for your updates. :] Keep up the great work and the wonderful pacing. I'll read more when you write it. :D
Author's Response: Hi Emily
(I win the terrible review responder award for taking forever to reply to this, so I'm very very sorry!)
Thanks for pointing the continuity issue out! It is a bit ambiguous who is where at that point, so a few lines should clear that up.
Yeah, that is the problem isn't it? You're not really sure who is right when Simon and Elena argue. I mean it's easy to take Elena's point of view and not understand why Simon is so protective. But if you think about it, you're right--she's not trained and in this case that sort of thing would really matter.
I'm glad the conversation between Elena and Simon worked for you though. They are not the sappiest people, partly (honestly) because I am not very good at writing sappy romance. And also, Corinne would never put up with them being sappy. ;)
Right, the way I thought about the Deluminator is what it did with Ron in DH--sort of guided him to the other person's location--they sort of described it like that. I know it's not the same situation, but maybe it works ;)
So, I have finally updated, (with two chapters) though it's been criminally long since I have. Sorry again for not responding sooner- I feel really terrible since your reviews are always so lovely! But I sort of took a hiatus from this site because of a really tough school semester/transition. You know the feeling?