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Review:classicblack says:
Hi it's Ali with your review!

Before I forget and finish reading the chapter, I'd just like to mention something about the use of cell phones. Since this takes place during the 1990s, cell phones weren't in extremely common use (though people had them) and texting wasn't really a big thing (thus Charlie wouldn't reall need to know how to text). Just remember that this is almost twenty years ago! They didn't have all the technology we have today! I did like how Charlie hinted at his pureblood, magical upbringing.

Alright now back to the story.

This chapter was on a whole other level of wonderful. I feel like last chapter your writing was good and this chapter you kicked it up a gear! It was a pleasant surprise.

You've got humor down pat. Really I laughed so many times in this chapter. I really like Jess's childish-ness and Charlie's drunken-ness. I liked how you mentioned Mrs. Weasley and the terror she inspires in her children. I also really enjoyed that Marty's character really has a blatant disregard for the International Statute of Secrecy when he's around Muggles.

The dialogue most certainly improved with the addition of more humor. Also, this story sort of has a "My Week with Marilyn" touch- everything happening on or around the production of a movie, which was nice to see.

May I ask exactly how old the main characters are? You may have mentioned it before and I overlooked it, but I was curious because it would help me decide whether Jess is perhaps too immature for her age, as she's bordering heavily on teenager at the moment.

For furture chapters, make sure you describe the setting a bit more. It'll be especially vital because of the fact that this story (I'm assuming) will take place mostly on the set of a movie.

Don't rush into the Melanie/Charlie relationship (which I assume will happen) too fast. It seems you're already pushing towards that. Remember that they've got to get to know each other first!

Make sure, also, that Violet isn't always the snobby movie star and Jess isn't the immature best friend there for comic relief. Most people don't just have one personality trait so I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop these characters.

You're doing pretty well with the pacing, from what I can tell after two chapters.

I've loved reviewing your story! You've got a great thing going here. Feel free to re-request any time!
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: Hello! Oh my god, I'm such a fool. I'll have to change the mobiles then- damn. :( Thanks for pointing that out! I'll sort that out in the edits :)

I'm glad you liked this chapter better, and I'm so happy you liked the humour. The characters are early twenties. Jess is supposed to be quite childish, but I'll revise her character to put some more maturity there.

Thanks so much for your tips on characters and descriptions, you're really incredibly helpful! Thanks so much, I'll definitely revise the things you've mentioned in edits/future chapters :)


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