Hey there, it's Ali with your review!
I'll just start off by saying that you have nothing to fear about transitioning from action/adventure to fluff and romance. You did a great job!
I've never read a fic that's a mixture of Charlie Weasley, Muggles who know mothing about magic, and a Hogwarts Era time frame. It's really quite unique. Not to say that there aren't stories like it out there, but I've never really experienced one like this. The reader interest is definitely there, so well done.
I like how you've described Charlie as just this laid-back, grounded, fun and happy kind of guy, which completely fits with his description in the books. However, I feel like his complete lack of knowledge about Muggle things doesn't really match with the fact that he grew up with Muggle-loving Mr. Weasley. Surely he would have heard of a film? (though I did like his obliviousness, it was endearing)
Melanie seems like a really fun character to read, especially as the story is from her perspective. I like that she's a stunt double because that kind of actiony personality matches with Charlie's dragon-trainer persona.
It came as quite a shock to me that Melanie was a stunt double, though. Honestly, I was expecting some kind of assistant and/or other member of the production company that just so happened to be good with working with Violet. The fact that she got Violet's drinks and food and arranged all her meetings felt like it was a bit of a stretch for someone who was just her stunt double. Wouldn't Violet, as such a big name celebrity, have an assistant or manager for those sort of things?
I liked the creativity of how you told the reader what Melanie looks like, though. You described Violet and then later went on to say how Melanie and Violet look very similar. It was a credit to your writing and a lot better than have Melanie just describe herself to the reader (like: "I have black hair and I'm pretty and...").
The dialogue sounds a bit American. Now, if you're English and thus obviously know how the British speak, then please excuse me (I'm American and just basing it off of English books, movies, and tv shows I've read/seen). But Marty's dialogue especially sounds more like someone I would meet on the street in my east coast hometown than a Briton. Otherwise, the dialogue is great.
The plot is intriguing so far. I'm interested to see where you take the whole 'wizard interacting with Muggles' scenario, especially as Voldemort is not back. Definitely don't forget Voldemort! I can sense a possible Violet-Charlie-Melanie love triangle (or else just Violet-Charlie drama) brewing in the future.
So far, I think you've got a very interesting story. Nice chapter!
classicblack from the forums
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much :) First things first, I'm so glad you haven't read anything like it :D I tried cliches, and now I try my SUPER HARDEST to do different ideas :D so yay! *happy dance*
I understand what you are saying about Charlie, and it was quite hard to get a balance between knowing about Muggle things and not knowing- Charlie was quite happy with lifts/cars, but I really didn't want him to know about films- Ron didn't know how to use a telephone, so I couldn't see Arthur Weasley with a TV set.
Melanie and Violet- now you've pointed that out, I feel really stupid. I'm definitely going to revise this, especially the Mel/Violet relationship to explain stuff better now, so thanks so much :)
(thank you also, I hate fics that describe people that way xD)
Dialogue-wise, I am British, and while Marty isn't your typical Brit, I do know people who speak like that (its the overuse of terms of endearment, right?)
I WILL NOT FORGET VOLDEMORT, NEVER FEAR. I LOVE ACTION. THERE WILL BE ACTION.
thanks so much for such a great review, you have helped so much!