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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

First of all, wow -- the politics in your story are obviously very thoroughly developed. I think that blood status and public scandal are very interesting and relevant political controversies (I've got NPR on, discussing the upcoming presidential election in the background as I type this). Some people might be frightened off when they see "politics," thinking of the type of trade federation mumbo-jumbo that bogged down the Star Wars franchise, but I really like where your story is going so far.

Your writing is dignified, just like the stately mansions and the sophisticated people you describe. It's also very clean, grammar and punctuation-wise. The one tip I have is that the names of newspapers (The Pundit and Daily Prophet) should be italicized.

I love the little humorous details like the campaign wand holsters and the "What in the Weird" section of the newspaper. The informal name for the fourth quart made me laugh out loud (I'd type it here, if it wouldn't violate the terms of service). :)

I like that you sent Astoria off to America during the war. I really like that she has some very Slytherin qualities (cleverness, ambition, likes power) but also seems to have morals.

Also, kudos for pairing Draco with his actual future wife!

As I'm preparing to continue on to your second chapter, I do have one comment about the length. It's 9100 words, which I think may be a little daunting for many people, and I wonder if that's why you haven't gotten any reviews for it, yet? You may want to consider splitting it into two chapters. If I find a good splitting point as I'm reading, I will let you know!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing :-)

I've always thought of Draco/Astoria as a turbulent kind of pairing, as they would have married during a time that must have been very difficult for the Malfoy family and purebloods in general. To me, all the deception and point-scoring that was happening between them in my mind just screamed politics... but I think my problem will be trying to rein the politics in! I will have to be mindful that really focusing on the nitty-gritty of the climate that I'm imagining can probably get a bit boring, especially to someone who has clicked in due to the romance tag. I've just gone and had a quick re-read and I think the first section of chap 2 could probably be cut entirely (long discourse RE Lyndon's platform) without removing anything really vital - I think I took 2K words too many to say what could have been said in one paragraph ha ha. Oh dear, I can get a bit long-winded.

Shall clear up the newspapers in the next edit :-)

Draco/Astoria is my favourite canon pairing! I do like to stick to canon where possible, but this business of a permanent Minister in Shacklebolt just had to go ;)

Definitely will take reducing the chapter length on board. This should help to curb my bad habit of constant editing because I will feel three times as bad if I clog the queue with revised chapters!

Thank you again, I've found this very helpful - especially with making this story more readable.

(Trade federation mumbo-jumbo, gosh I'm laughing!)


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