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Review:Moondanser83 says:
Your first paragraph has a very nice narrative tone to it and gives you a real sense of Tonkís and her stubbornness. Unfortunately the use of parenthesis where there should have been commas is very distracting. After the first paragraph your tone seems to change. It starts off feeling like a nice narrative, but then seems to change to an almost conversational tone. I also found the language of the second paragraph slightly confusing, perhaps it was a lack of punctuation, but I had to re-read it several times before I was sure I knew what was going on. Other than that it is a nice start. The concept seems to be one that could really take off into a full-fledged story, but as a one shot it really needs to be filled out more. As is, the story leaves a lot of questions unanswered. Who is Charlie? Why had Parker messed with him? Why does Tonks like to solve mysteries, and why did people start coming to her with their problems? I feel like this is a great outline with a lot of potential, and I hope you decide to flush it out into a full story at some point.
Wonderful start, keep at it!
~Moon~

Author's Response: I've edited the chapter, taken that away. Thank you for pointing that out.

This is going to be quite lighthearted and humorous, so the tone will stay kind of conversational. I hope that doesn't put you off if you continue to read. And, yes, it's definitely going to be a longer story, I've just posted chapter two. :)

Charlie is Charlie Weasley. The rest of those questions will be answered during the story.

Thank you for leaving a review and pointing those out. :)

Sam.


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