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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hello Susan! I'm so excited to be reading chapter two!

So, first few things.

You have advise in the first paragraph when I think you wanted it to be advice, but I am also not ridiculously familiar with this time frame - it's entirely possible back then they were interchangeable.

I LOVE Kreacher. I get so sick of reading about the house elf who turned gushy and sweet after all the war tragedy was over. You've kept him perfect and it made me smile.

I also like that you included the bit about Quidditch because it reminded me that these are witches and wizards. Your writing style is so captivating and genuine that, until then, I felt like I was reading one of the Bronte Sisters or Jane Austen works. Then, you know, Ginny walks in with a broomstick and I remembered it was a fanfic.

I love Lily and I think you really have something fun going on with her. Can you fault her for her shallowness? Look at the time she's growing up in; look at what's expected of her. Girls are meant to be shallow, it's Rose whose the oddball out in this - and I love it. It's perfect. Fanfics have basically ruined Ginny for me, but I've really enjoyed your portrayal of her in this! Yay!

Your imagery fits my desires perfectly. There are some stories designed to have that poetic veil, which does require a great deal of imagery - but most are meant to be stories. You have found that dearly coveted area where not too much and not too little are nonexistent. I got very engrossed in this chapter and was never shaken out of it because: Scorpius's long locks of blonde hair danced over his blue eyes and decorated his pale skin, the skin that was as fresh as a newborns flesh and as desirable as the glass of cold iced tea. Okay - yes I just basically created a hyperbole of a sentence, but you get what I mean. There is a point when it does go overboard, and at that point I find my eyes skipping one (or sixteen) sentences. So far you never reach that point and every bit of descriptions you include only enhance your tale.

Now, characterizations. Excuse me as I swoon over Scorpius. I'm not even a big -oh arrogance is yummy- kind of girl. But here, you've done so well at bringing those Darcy like traits into my mind, that I just love it. He's not even necessary arrogant just yet. His dry humor mixed with Rose's initial dislike for him just really made me want more. Which makes me very excited for the next chapter, which means you -as the author- are doing a superb job.

I also really like Rose so far, I almost don't have enough of a handle on her character yet to comment further. I don't want to comment on her when in my head I'm thinking of Elizabeth. I want to make sure that I really know your Rose before delving into her personality, but as of now your entire cast has me fascinated.

This was a lovely second chapter and I hope I could be of some help!

Please feel free to re-request!

Jami

Author's Response: This is fabulous! Thank you very much for this review, and I'm stoked to see what you think about the rest of the story too! :D

But, first thing's first, the review response:

To be honest, I always get words like "advice" and "advise" mixed up, so I never know which one I'm using (or meant to use) - the only place they're interchangeable is inside of my head. :P Thank you for pointing that out! I'll make the change right away.

It's wonderful to hear that you like the details I've included, such as Kreacher and Ginny's love of Quidditch. Although this is AU, I still want to keep most things the same - or as similar as I possibly can - to maintain much of the same atmosphere of the canon Potterverse. It does lead to some contradictions, like why it's acceptable for witches to play Quidditch, but not become involved in duels. I'm most glad to hear that Ginny's entrance with the broomstick helped bring you back to earth, so to speak (back to Pottearth might be more accurate) - not only is it meant to be a wake-up call for readers, but for myself as well. It's far too easy to lose myself in the history of this period, so I have to keep reining myself in to keep this as fanfiction rather than OF.

Yes, yes, YES! You got Lily in a nutshell. THANK YOU! She is very much a product of her world, and she's actually undergoing her own sort of rebellion - she wants to be the normal one in an extraordinary family. Rose is the oddball, the conventional rebel, but Lily is perhaps the more interesting (because who really wants to be normal? what has led her to make that choice?).

It's fantastic to hear that the style and descriptions are working so well. I definitely worry about going overboard - it's not hard once the ball gets rolling - because I love writing description and making it as vivid as I can, but at the same time, I'm scared as anything that my writing sounds like that terrifying example you've given. It's a great relief to know that the style is well-balanced.

Your comments on the characters remind me of another difficult balancing act in writing this story - how much will the story /and/ the characters become my own? How far will I veer from Austen's novel? I'd like to stay at a safe distance, with only the barest gleams of Darcy and Elizabeth showing through in Scorpius and Rose. Now I'm wondering why I make the writing process so incredibly hard for myself, oh dear.

Anyway, thank you again for reading and reviewing this chapter! As always, your reviews are wonderfully detailed and inspiring to read. ^_^


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