Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:LunarLuna says:
humm... this was written like a row of honey products in a supermarket. Let me explain because it's an odd metaphor xD

Your writing is stunning, it flows like honey, that's the actual feel I got from reading your story, but because of the content, the way it's all sectionned in seperate events is like glass, an invisble harsh line in between sections which forces the reader to start a brand new experience and restart like it was an introduction, for the honey in this bottle is different. but then at the end, all the bottles of honey are all honey and they all stand together on the shelf.

best way I found to explain what I meant lol :P

So personally, I feel it's interesting, but slightly dizzying, maybe if you made the paragraphs slightly longer so we'd get more time to get "used" to the "jar of honey"? ;)

Also, I thought your concept, with Cho loosing her innocence and struggling to finally get her freedom, was really interesting. I love the dragon you made out Cho to be, it's fascinating.^^

You did a fantastic job on this! :3

xxx

-June

Author's Response: Oooh! Thank you so much for this review. Sometimes, an author has to stick to their decisions, and this is one such case.

It was a very precisely made stylistic decision to keep the scenes brief and fleeting. This story isn't long winded or whimsical, and in order to portray the atmosphere that I chose to portray, the short sentences and scenes -- her flashes of humanity flickering in the flames of her transformation -- were intentionally done. Sometimes less is more, and I feel that this is one of those instances. Maybe if you were inside the honey jar looking out at the world, you'd see a world equally concise -- flashes as shoppers walked by, memories of times gone by flickering in the darkness when the store's lights shut off for the night? But I digress. It is your metaphor and not mine. :) Sorry the style of this piece wasn't your cup of tea.

However, I am glad that you enjoyed the concept and the imagery here!! Thank you so, so much for this review and for your honest criticism. :)

xoxo
Melissa


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 392
Submit Report: