Remember that time I thought that the difference between 1996 and 1990 was only 2 years? I'm very intelligent.
Anyway, another great chapter of this story! I really love the way that the two were introduced! I was sort of expecting Fred to be Percy in this - the one who pulls her out of trouble, because in so many of these humor/romance stories on the archive, that's the formula I see. I have to start reminding myself that when I'm reading your stories, I need to expect the unexpected, because you never do the expected, and that's what makes you such a great and original writer.
Fred, once again, was absolutely brilliant! So spot on. I can be really picky with the twins, but I swear it's like you invented the two yourself. He's so in character! His dialogue is so brilliant and the way you describe his actions and expressions reminds me so much of JK Rowling and how she would have described them, too.
I'm not sure what to think of Hollis in this chapter! I mean, she's a great character - don't get me wrong, you've written her brilliantly - but sort of jumped to conclusions pretty quick there with Alice. hehe Not that people don't do that in real life, of course! :-p I think you've probably just set us up for some really great future chapters. I expect we'll be seeing more of Alice, maybe as a common enemy for Hollis and Delphine (hilarious entry for her character, by the way! Love that the two are introduced in a way that involves Fred, knowing that they stay friends later in life).
I thought maybe there was one-too-many Cecil references that it sort of lost its humor and impact as the story continued, but it's a tiny detail - certainly nothing to worry about, just maybe a little over-played.
I thought Percy was really great, although part of me feels that with his pompous way about him, someone saying thank you to him wouldn't cause him to pause and question whether or not he should actually accept it and say you're welcome - I'm under the impression that it's more likely that he would take any praise he could get, but that's another tiny detail that is strictly a matter of opinion!
Overall, it was a great second chapter. :-)
Author's Response: Hi, Tanya!
I like to imagine Percy fancying himself Master of the Train and bossing everyone into their seats. He really does mean well, though, and is always keen to help anyone he can. I really do love Percy. :)
I'm glad you liked Fred! He's a lot different here in his younger days - a lot more boyish, much less mature. Haha, Hollis was very quick to dislike Alice, I think, because she was embarrassed and feeling slighted. It's a bit of silly backstory to explain a bit of why they're such mortal enemies later on.
Thank you for all the feedback! I'm very appreciative of it, and I'm definitely going to go back over and look to see if Cecil pops up too much. ^ ^
Oooh, for that last part about Percy saying "you're welcome", are you referring to the very end of the chapter? Because that was George. :P At this point, Hollis doesn't realize that Fred and George are two different people. She has that scene with Fred, until he lets her into the compartment with Delphine, and afterwards Hollis sees him and thanks him for sort of helping. But she doesn't know that she's actually thanking George (this is revealed later, I think), so George, at this point, is being thanked by a stranger and has no idea what she's talking about. Percy had /just/ left the scene before that:
The boy who had locked Delphine in our compartment waltzed into the narrow corridor, smiling hugely. Before my nerves could smother the opportunity, I greeted him.
"Thank you, by the way."
I hope that cleared a bit up! Thank you so much for the detailed review! :)