Anything I read from you is always of a certain high quality, and this is no exception. (Also: beautiful banner!) I really, really enjoyed this - I haven't gone through the Hufflepuff submissions yet, but I thought the plot was really interesting and quite original, especially with your take on it. I thought it was great that you focused on the interview, rather than her being on the job.
I didn't really spot anything that needs changing, but:
- "Now, please tell me some practical uses of dragonís blood."
I thought that was really quite abrupt. I think I personally would have preferred maybe an extra sentence just before to have the flow of transition between walking in the room and starting the interview/interrogation.
- "with shaking hand" Should be either with a shaking hand, or with shaking hands
- The "Dormius Profundis!" spell was a little intriguing to me - what exactly does it do? It felt like a spell that solved all her problems, and if it manages to make the dragon collapse, why would she even consider using the conjunctivitus curse before?
Honestly though, other than that this was a really well-written piece. Characterisation wise, I loved your Susan - she's strong and intelligent even if she doesn't look it, and all her actions and dialogue in this gave me such a good sense of her character. I LOVED the plot! I absolutely loved that surprise test at the end - it seems perfectly plausible and I really liked how Susan got through that (the eggs and using "nature's maternal intuition" was so clever!). I loved her realisation of how no attack was necessary and that she just needed to get to the door!
Gah, everything you write tells a wonderful story and I really enjoyed this! You incorporated in all the plots really well. Amazing writing! :)
Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you very much! I really appreciate that you took the time to check this story over for me, and to also hear compliments from you makes this review even sweeter to the ear. ^_^
It's funny because, now that I think back, I never considered having her already on the job - the idea was always for an interview. Maybe I just have them on the brain because a lot of friends are working through that process, but now that you've mentioned it, this makes the story a little more unique, which is always a lovely thing to discover. Putting Susan through an interview also made it easier to see the hurdles she had to leap. The first impressions the interviewers have of Susan aren't particularly favourable, so she had more to prove. And that was what I wanted the focus of the story to be - the way she was forced to prove her worth, not only to them, but perhaps more importantly, to herself.
I've made the changes you pointed out - thank you for those! I did mean for the question to sound abrupt so that it would catch Susan off-guard and make the interview seem more challenging, but I added a little more narration there to clear things up. :) As for that spell, I made it up because there's no actual sleeping spell incantation in the books. In Latin it literally means "profound sleep", and while it probably doesn't exist, it helped me make use of all the prompts. XD
It's fabulous to hear that you enjoyed this story! Thank you again for your help. :D