kay. you keep doing this to me! this is your requested review but i am afraid that is not going to make it magically mature or professional, SORRY ♥
your areas of concern are use of parenthesis and "anyone" vs "no one." i will answer these before i blubber on forever. which i will. and i know you can believe this.
first of all, the parenthesis are something that i have seen other people experiment with before and to be quite candid, have done so with less effect and less success. because so much of what one finds in parenthesis in cummings's work, i had a good expectation about how you would be using yours and i am not at all disappointed. generally speaking in poetry and in cummings's specifically is that when something is in parenthesis it isn't because this is an afterthought or something that the sentence felt like it needed to fit but for which it did not have room. no, the parenthesis in a poem open up the lines preceding, they usually break down or reflect upon the argument there, and change it, and make it different, a bit discordant or illuminating. your use of them here is doing that. as an example i will analyze this paragraph:
But you are merely a barmaid, they remind you. (their stern faces speak to your intrusion) You have hung around the pub long enough to know your role, and flies on the wall should not speak or prance about in fine gowns. Unless there are empty mugs to fill with ale or bruised prides to nurse with a flattering grin, unless there are grumbling stomachs in need of a hot supper or broken hearts in need of empathetic ears, you are no one to them.
firstly, and i have said this before, but nobody else whose work i am in the habit of reading on this site makes me believe the impossible image the way that you make me believe it. their faces are speaking, and when i read that i not only have an appreciation for the sparseness and richness of that language, but i also have a clear picture of the imagery. that is beautiful. similarly, what is in parenthesis here is really informing the rest of the paragraph and because of that there's this tension there, between what we accept as the role of the parenthesis--what is inside is an aside--and what it is actually doing, which is the point i'm making, because your parenthesis are doing work. you list off the ways, and they are numerous, that rosmerta is needed, but we know that the people whose aid she delivers do not appreciate this and the great irony of this situation is lost to them, and that they're doing more than being ignorant but they're actually affronted by her. it makes me smile, pessimist, literary student that i am. (and, of course, i am not blind to the punctuation or, lack thereof, within these parenthesis.)
as to your second query: i understand anybody and no one because i'm familiar with cummings' word play, and that you're using these words as names instead of what they mean detached from a persona. it makes sense, and the way that you're using the lines of the actual poem are taking on a different meaning in light of this story. i keep thinking of the lines of the poem, "one day anyone died i guess (and nobody stooped to kiss his face)" and hoping that you will touch on this in a later chapter.
so basically, here are my ending thoughts: your imagery is spectacular, as per usual, your fluff is the only fluff for me, as per usual, your writing is smart and precise and still dreamy, as per usual, and this, more than others of your stories, really reads like a poem.
i love this. and i think you are an amazing writer. ♥